UC Davis waitlist essay help!

Colleges and Universities A-Z University of California - Davis
1

<p>so i got waitlisted to ucd and just want to make sure my 200 word essay is fine. please look over it and make any corrections you think would help! thank you!</p>

<p>UC Davis has been my top choice for college ever since I went on the college tour in 2011. I visited the campus last year and fell in love with the atmosphere and energy that UC Davis offered. The students I met were passionate and courteous to me and I felt at home in the college town. UC Davis proved to me that it is a safe and comfortable campus that is committed to academic excellence, student success and growth. UC Davis meets all of my college needs with its academic rigor, social gatherings to promote student interaction and it’s promotion of school spirit. UC Davis is the right school for me because of the various research and internship opportunities offered to students. The college is committed to challenging its students every day and helps them become better people in the community. I believe I can contribute to the Davis community by being a friendly, hard working, and motivated person who strives to advance in both my professional and personal life. I will always be grateful and honored that UC Davis has considered me as a potential candidate from the large selection of high school students that have applied.</p>

2

<p>Golden rule: If you can replace UC Davis with any other college, your essay doesn’t work. In this case, I’d say you are lacking a lot. Try to find some very unique qualities about Davis, and prove to them that you are going to be an active student on campus.</p>

3

<p>I think it sounds fine.</p>

4

<p>Now we know what YOU want, ("meets my needs, I fell in love, I felt at home) but you did’t really tell the university how you will contribute to the university’s NEEDS. There are thousands of students who will be “Friendly, hard-working and motivated”; why would you be any different?</p>