<p>Someone has to be the contrarian … we are going to do the least possible helping our kids apply to schools … our kids are all different and more than likely the easiest college search was first however we fundamentally believe that the search process helps self select the kids to the right schools (again, none of our kids have an issue that needs support). </p>
<p>For my oldest we asked what help she wanted from us … and in the end … I drove to the non-local visits, made some suggestions about schools to visits (not sure if the ideas were used or not … some schools included and some not), I did pretty much decide the order of the trip and pick hotels, I have no idea who wrote the recommendations or when they were requested. I have no idea what her essay topics were never mind seeing them, had no input into the PSAT, SAT, SAT II schedule beyond knowing she would make the timeline for her list, and still do no know what the final list was (the process was cut short by an ED acceptance). We did have a very explicit conversation about money and paying for school … and we also would have pushed her visiting her ED school before applying if she had not already asked (but she had) … and we had a pretty good conversation about why her ED school was a good fit for her (we totally agreed so this also was easy). </p>
<p>I know this is is counter to the average CC parent … but we do believe our kids need to find their way and live with the results of their efforts … yes, even on something as important as a college search and application process. As I mentioned we probably had our easiest path through this first so it will be interesting to see what I have to say in a couple years. Then again I write this as a 50 year old master procrastinator who completed all 8 of my college applications in the last 2-3 days before they were due … and who firmly believes trying to force me to write essays months in advance would have led to grammatically correct, flat, horrible essays and applications.</p>
<p>This thread made me chuckle because of the memories it brought back. DD is now a college senior applying to grad schools but I still remember how I had to practically pull her out of bed every morning in high school. Going to an all girls high school, many of the girls apparently even slept in their uniforms so as to just roll out of bed not stopping to hardly lay a brush to the hair…this didn’t fly at my house, though.</p>
<p>A worrier by nature, I thought how is she ever going to get herself up for class in college. She’s been more successful than I could ever have asked for so keep the faith!</p>
<p>P.s. Another thing that made me smile reading this thread and a few others I’ve read lately are all the names we give ourselves as we help our kids find their independence…taskmaster, editor-in-chief, project director, research assistant, psychologist…</p>
<p>Another contrarian…We handled the process much like 3togo and our operative word was “he”. He put together the lists and did his own research into schools. I did plan the travel portion of school visits because four required plane flights and hotel reservations; even with the ones we could drive to, I planned the itinerary because I’d be doing the driving and taking time off of work.</p>
<p>But the app process has been all him, right up until he asks me for the credit card number. Maybe we are lucky that our hs requires multiple forms for teacher recs and transcript requests and has deadlines well in advance of the colleges deadlines. We have discussed essays in general during dinner, but haven’t been offered a peek. So far all deadlines have been met (I assume). He made his own decisions on testing and rove himself to the centers.</p>
<p>We will plan to do a little nagging during scholarship spring. But that’s primarily because we’re footing the bill and it will make a difference in where he enrolls. And I’m already looking forward to the packing…</p>
<p>I can relate. At my all-girls high school, we learned early on that we only had to shave our legs on Friday afternoons to be ready for the weekend. :)</p>
<p>mom2collegekids, you nailed that one! And the hairy legs I had no control over! Haha But I did make her brush her hair and change clothes! I still remember when she started college, she kept saying “It’s so weird being in class with boys again!”</p>
<p>But archiemom, once he’s been admitted, is it really okay with you if he opts not to make the extra effort to apply for that scholarhip that will save you $10,000?</p>
<p>I think our kids are truly blessed to have us. No matter what our stance is on this topic, we are thoughtful, involved, caring parents whose kids will end up at a school that suits them. </p>
<p>D tells me about fellow seniors at her school who are STILL totally clueless about college stuff, or have college lists that D knows are clearly inappropriate for their interests or stats. For example, one girl insists she’s applying to our flagship for nursing when you have to apply to that program through the medical school. Besides that, she does not have the grades or course difficulty required. Her GC never set her straight. Her friends that knew this tried to tell her, but she claimed her GC said it was OK. Fortunately, just yesterday a teacher whom she asked to write her a rec. told her that the school was not really appropriate for her. But we’re in November already, and she and kids like her have barely begun to think about their prospects and plans.</p>
<p>The best advice I got was to be a secretary. I did the work like buying the envelopes and addressing them, reminding on dates and filing the paperwork that came in. The rest was up to my D. Even the highest execs need a secretary, and a busy high schooler with activities and a part time job and schoolwork can benefit as well. It seemed to work well, we didn’t get on each others nerves too much.</p>
<p>"I think the most important word in your post is “she.” "</p>
<p>YES!! If you ask me the same question 6 years from now, when DD is a high school senior, I’m sure I will tell you that she is doing EVERYTHING, and knows exactly when every deadline is. Much different from my senior son this year.</p>
<p>If their birth order had been reversed, I KNOW I would be very smugly answering this question, “Of COURSE the student should do everything!” LOL.</p>
<p>The only things I’ve ever asked my parents for with regards to the college process are to drive me to take tests and visit schools and for credit cards. That’s it. I’ve done 12 applications, coordinated all the documents my school and teachers need to send out, planned visit itineraries, applied for 10-12 outside scholarships, applied for a few school-specific scholarships, and handled all correspondence with admissions counselors on my own. Plus all my school and EC stuff. I don’t find it difficult at all, to be honest. But I can understand why others might.</p>
<p>Agreed. I’m learning this as we go along. When I realized how much money (my money) was on the line with scholarships, I got involved just to make sure he does everything that needs to be done in order to qualify for merit aid. I was taking a very hands-off approach until I realized there is a lot of money on the line. I now check for scholarship requirements and deadlines. I would truly hate to leave $$ on the table.</p>
<p>Quite frankly, son is so overwhelmed by the process that I don’t think he could go it alone at this point. Not his typical M.O. but then again, applying to college is not your typical homework assignment. You only get one chance to do it right and make the right impression. It’s not like a school assignment that is averaged together with all your other school work. It’s a once and done deal.</p>
<p>And it is overwhelming. I had a question about how to interpret a requirement our state U has in terms of score reporting and emailed son’s GC. She answered me but when I looked at the application more closely, I thought she had interpreted it wrong. I emailed her again with the exact verbiage and she called the college. The college confirmed my suspicions and told her they had made a change this year. It was very ambiguous. There is no way my son would have known what they wanted because it was not what colleges typically ask for. If I had not read the application and followed up twice with the GC, he would have violated the college’s requirements and risked not getting in. So, yes, IMHO, it was worth getting involved and looking at the applications.</p>
<p>I acted as an administrative assistant for my kids- mainly keeping track of what had to be done and what needed to be done. There is so much minutia, it is tough for them to simultaneously have the amazing life needed to gain entry to top schools- AP/IB courses, toughest curriculum, tons of app essays, varsity sports or music or theater or whatever other passion they must embrace to do all that and do it well and get LORs and also follow up on petty app details is rough.</p>
<p>All my kids did just fine in university managing their own lives and 2 of 3 so far have asked for some level of similar assistance with grad school apps. Just some one to pay attention to deadlines whilst the student is busy doing ‘real life’ </p>
<p>Now, with every one gone from home, I appreciate the opportunity to be involved in and understand the process and that I can offer some assistance.</p>
<p>We have never written an essay, but have proof read and even made suggestions for outside the box ways to answer some prompts.</p>
<p>As far as my college apps go, my mom didn’t do anything. BUT that is my personality type. I’m very motivated and like to handle things myself. Some kids need little help here and there. </p>
<p>HOWEVER: i do not think a parent should ever fill out any part of a college or scholarship app. I don’t care if it’s just the fill in the blanks. It’s your kid’s job-not yours.</p>
That wasn’t exactly what I said. We will encourage him to apply for scholarships. He already has applied to honors programs that involve merit money and he has already identified school-specific scholarships that he will apply for. In addition he has identified community scholarships that will involve applications in the spring. He’s not clueless as to the potential cost of his education and we have discussed with him the limits on our ability to pay.</p>
<p>This current year, my older son took out his first loan because he didn’t earn enough over the summer to cover the gap in his college costs. He knows that he could have made that “extra effort” in the past and perhaps earned scholarships, but now he’s on the hook for the money himself.</p>
<p>In the end the decision is okay with me because he won’t be saving me money, he’d be saving himself money. I’m assuming that my contribution will remain the same.</p>
<p>My oldest spent countless hours applying for scholarships with only limited success. While he did earn several excellent merit scholarships at LAC’s, in the end he chose to go Ivy with good FA, so that was a wasted effort. D’s preferred schools are also Ivy, so it would be the same situation for her. The money S did get was just subtracted from his FA package, so it saved the college money but did little for us. Some schools are better about letting the student keep those small scholarships for books and laptop, but not his school.</p>
<p>The competition for national scholarships is extremely stiff, and most of these require superb community service which my 3-season athlete kids didn’t have time for. Furthermore, we now know that most of the local scholarships (PTA, soccer club, Elks, etc.) are very political, so for D we won’t even bother with them as we are not well-connected. She will apply to the same programs S had success with. It will be easier motivating her to apply for 7, rather than 70.</p>