<p>I find it commendable, even remarkable, that the initiator of this thread is a student. Our son has not asked us whether $200K would pose a hardship. The $200K COULD be cobbled together -- from savings, grants, and loans -- but does that alone make it affordable? I lost my job last year, at the age of 55, and my wife is relatively new to the full-time workforce and earns little. </p>
<p>That he fails to even recognize the question is, partly, our fault. We did not teach him much about money and sacrifice, and we stupidly never thought we would ever be in this position. Yes, we have money in the bank and could piece together a package, but there is, and never was, a "lifestyle to adjust," to use the words of another parent. My college-bound son hasn't been in a plane since his second birthday. His 11-year-old sister has NEVER been in one (the only kid in her class, she says). We've only bought used (inexpensive) cars and held off on buying a second until my son could drive. We buy groceries on sale. We did not squander his college fund. We gave him a full-time mother and a sister. </p>
<p>Whether he says it with his mouth or his eyes, it's "All my friends can afford it, why not me?" To which my first response is "we already spent $40,000 to send you to Catholic high school. That may not be a lot to your friends' parents, but it was a lot for us." So is it wrong that I find myself increasingly resentful that he thinks nothing, or gives the appearance of thinking nothing, of his own family's future? Is it too much to expect my own child to be sensitive to the tradeoff and risks involved? What about his sister's education? And, darn it, I will speak the unspeakable: I've worked all my life. Don't I deserve a retirement? </p>
<p>I don't know what people are referring to when they talk about "early retirement." I do know that any year I might pick from here on out, assuming I can actually get another job, I can reasonably expect to live and ENJOY a relatively short retirement. The boy has his whole life ahead of him! Interestingly, FAFSA doesn't ask how old the student's parents are. What could matter more than how many earning years a body is likely to have left? As for my now year-long unemployment, we got NO consideration from any of the 9 schools my son was accepted by because our last tax return showed severance pay. I am profoundly sorry that I was the victim of a massive corporate layoff. I am sorry for all of us. But do I deserve to feel guilty as well? </p>
<p>Here is a student who asks about the needs of his family. You can't buy the maturity that this displays with any amount of college tuition. </p>
<p>At our home, we are trying to decide between a very good private school that came across with a 1/4 merit grant, and a pretty good public school. I won't argue that the schools offer the same quality of education, though they may very well. But, assuming for the sake of argument that the more expensive school is the better one, why should sacrifice be a one-way street, each generation sacrificing for the next? Should we not expect our kids to sacrifice, too? Are their brains not yet properly wired to understand cost-benefit issues? Who is being selfish here, him or me (my wife is torn)? He looks at me now as if I am stealing something precious to him, and I stare back at him in the dwindling hope that he will toss a smile my way. I've been a loving father -- I can get pretty teary when I think about the day he packs up to go (we were once close, or so I thought) -- but maybe that's not the same as being a good one. Who's being selfish here? And, most of all, how do I win back my son's affections? This has turned out to be more than just a financial decision about which college to choose: like opening Pandora's box, it has unloosed unresolved issues in the parent-child relationship, even in the parent-parent relationship. I'm sure I'm not alone in experiencing it this way. The emotional pot is boiling over. How do I keep everyone from getting scalded and scarred forever?</p>