<p>Dad23, I empathize with you. Despite our preferences (that family members will always understand the priorities and limitations of the other members, and that a spirit of mutual charity and support will always prevail without having to argue for it or enforce it) sometimes one can't distinguish "optimal parenting" from "tough love."</p>
<p>We'd always like to lead with our supportive and nurturing side, but sometimes we have to be the authority and make a rational, practical decision despite their desires. It does hurt when they don't make an effort to understand our reasons and instead choose to cop an infantile attitude. However, we should insist that our needs (in this case your retirement and maintaining a reasonable quality of life) are just as important as theirs. We have to make sure that we give from our emotional and material abundance, not succumb to the mistaken belief that our children's desires should come before our genuine needs. That's just teaching them to be selfish monsters, and can lead to failed adult relationships and deserted older parents in nursing homes. Almost all of us are guilty of this tendency to some extent. Stand firm - this is a character lesson, and you are the key player for his learning that lesson. If you have explained the situation based on a detailed analysis of your family's financial needs, and shared the figures with him, but he's still showing anger, answer his anger the way you would answer a toddler asking the impossible: "I wish I could afford any college in the world,and four years of graduate school too." (I wish I could fly you to the moon).</p>