<p>Mostly looking for some commiseration here . . . my senior D is usually a well-behaved, well-mannered kid but lately I swear her body is occasionally taken over by grumpy, grouching, complaining aliens. I am trying to take deep breaths and count to ten and not engage her, knowing (or at least hoping) that a lot of it is related to the stress of finishing up high school and making decisions about college. But she is not a reliably pleasant person to have around these days . . .</p>
<p>Definitely their emotions are on overload. :)</p>
<p>The month of May is so jam packed with events, deadlines, etc. that before they know it they are totally overwhelmed with life as they know it sort of ending and it’s a shocker.</p>
<p>My S too, who is characteristically kind and upbeat, has had a few moments - I let it go to a degree but also will not hesitate to tell him that he is allowed to be stressed and express it, but not hurt other people’s feelings in the process.</p>
<p>For example: the other day was beautiful - S was home as was my younger D and I. D and I were outside working in the garden. S was inside getting ready for senior banquet. The phone rang and the persistent caller called back when no one answered it the first time. S REAMED my D when she came in the house - “where have you been and where is mom!? The phone is ringing and everyone expects ME to get it!!!” - hello son! We are outside away from the house - no, we are not going to hear the phone and yes, that is what an answering machine is for! But to him, in the moment, it was all about him and his “inconvenience”. He got a little talk on that one. :)</p>
<p>my son is having that same attitude problem. Let it go for awhile recognizing the stress but finally had to say whoa, when he was sounding like a ungrateful, spiteful person !! seems to be returning to normal after that talk.</p>
<p>I tell mine “stop acting like a teenager!” It usually defuses the situation a bit by its silliness.</p>
<p>If you’ve saved her blankie or teddy bear, just get it out and hand it to her. It may send the message–and it may help.</p>
<p>I would give her a little slack. Maybe get her a card and just write it in it that you know she’s going through a stressful time and you love her and you’re really proud of the person she’s become and really looking forward to her graduation and watching her start the next chapter in life. Knowing you’re there for her might defuse some of the tension. </p>
<p>Also, try to think that there might be underlying reasons for the grouchiness that have nothing whatsoever to do with you. Maybe she’s having a tough time with her friends or her boyfriend or her classes etc. As long as she doesn’t get too egregiously out of hand, let her have a few weeks of abnormal behavior</p>
<p>Just let her be.</p>
<p>It has a name …</p>
<p>fouling the nest</p>
<p>Done to make you glad to see them leave for college.<br>
I gave mine equal parts sympathy, support and whacks upside the ego… Motto to tattoo on bathroom mirror right now is</p>
<p>BE KIND</p>
<p>a highschool senior?</p>
<p>^^^ agree with above- but</p>
<p>I highly recommend * Real Love* by Greg Baer.
[Find</a> Better Relationships, Happiness, and Confidence at RealLove.com](<a href=“http://www.reallove.com/]Find”>http://www.reallove.com/)
I do not casually read “pop” psychology or how to books.</p>
<p>However- after a library of parenting and similar books still left me trying to get a different perspective on needed changes in myself to better my relationships- I ran across this book.</p>
<p>I warn you that the first part seems redundant- full of " phrases" that can be offputting- and jargonistic. ( IMO)
However- the revelation of insight on others and my own motivation was something that I did not ever fully grasp before- but is critical to changing interactions. ( IMO)</p>
<p>It also makes life less stressful- when you more fully understand motivation behind words and actions.</p>
<p>Too bad I didn’t run across it 20 years ago.
:)</p>
<p>My D is a junior and I have seen an increase in attitude this year. She is under an incredible amount of stress with school, sports and both grandfathers being hospitalized. I am trying to cut her some extra slack, but it gets old, real quick! I do not do teenagers well on a good day, so this attitude thing has been quite trying. I love the sugestion to tell her to “stop acting like a teenager”! I am definitely going to give that one a try. I also threaten to video her behavior and post it on youtube. That usually diffuses the situation, for the moment.</p>
<p>When things are calm, that’s when to address these issues. Take her out to lunch and have a heart to heart about attitude and kindness.</p>
<p>"Take her out to lunch and have a heart to heart about attitude and kindness. "</p>
<p>This always worked with my D when she was younger (AND still works now that she is 24). Mostly I related how much stress I was having and that I as an adult need a little patience and indulgence from her. And I’m glad my mom was still around when D was going through this. I had VERY LITTLE patience with bad attitude. But my mom always reminded me what a “piece of work” I was at that age. I WAS AWFUL TO HER.</p>
<p>I agree with esobay. This is very normal, common behavior, and it is in a sense adaptive because it does make you glad to send her to college!
And, she knows that you love her no matter what, so she can afford to behave this way without risking the loss of love!
That being said, there is no reason that a parent should tolerate rudeness or insolence. I would just say, “I’m going to walk away right now. Come and talk to me when you are feeling like you can talk to me in a tone of voice that I can listen to and still remain calm and respectful.”
Then, when she is acting more typical, you can use musicamusica’s technique, or use reflection about how frustrated she is, or something to acknowledge this stressful time.
Good luck!</p>
<p>My senior D absolutely ruined Mother’s Day dinner by turning it into a session of crying and misery over no out of state relatives/grandparents coming for her graduation. I listened to her tearful tirade regarding “all the others” who have elaborate plans for grad parties etc. with many out of state family members in attendance. At first I tried reason - her out of town grandparent is on the other side of the planet, not a whimsical trip etc. but made little headway so I just stopped and let her be miserable.</p>
<p>Later that night I went into her room to talk to her and simply asked her to consider how much of her fluctuating emotional state has to do with the absense of out of town grandma - and how much is really about her own anxiety finding a convenient outlet to deflect the fear of leaving home, becoming a grown up etc. She calmly told me she had begun considering that possibility and (thankfully) we haven’t had any irrational meltdowns since.</p>
<p>I was very thankful that I didn’t react to her drama at first and was able to wait until time had passed and she had begun her own internal reflection. I am sure that my patience paid off. I think in these situations it is best not to react to the drama of the moment - wait for an opportunity when rational discussion is possible.</p>
<p>wow! I already have a sullen junior; is this what I have to look forward to?? Yikes!</p>
<p>rom: yep, it probably is, with some random times of sunshine.</p>
<p>I started saying this when son was much younger, then pulled it out again later in high school:</p>
<p>It’s OK to be angry (or frustrated, or impatient, or whatever), but it is not OK to to be mean or hurtful. Talk about how you feel; don’t try to make others feel bad.</p>
<p>Somewhat surprisingly, this was effective. (for us)</p>
<p>It’s called Senioritis.</p>
<p>As a parent, I see this very frequently. Not only do 17 and 18 year olds have the typical adolescent physiological & emotional things going on, but they are closing a huge chapter and embarking on an unknown future. Of course they’re going crazy!</p>
<p>When my son was a senior, the school principal said that seniors swing back and forth between being obnoxious so that we can’t wait to kick them out of the house, to being so sweet that we realize how much we’re going to miss them. I found that to be so true. Because they themselves are so ambivalent. The rebellious, independent, growing-up part of them wants to leave home immediately, but the loving, approval-seeking child part wants to hold onto their parents.</p>
<p>It’s like the terrible two’s and three’s, when our children would scamper away to play and explore and then come clinging back to us for reassurance. Or throwing tantrums, asserting their desire for autonomy and control of situations, and then being sweet, cute and seeking our approval. This is another one of those periods of disequilibrium.</p>
<p>But this too shall pass. My son is a rising junior in college, and we are friends again!</p>