<p>Do you find yourself giving unsolicited advice to parents who aren't as "up" on the college admissions process as you are? I'll give "hints" on timing issues like "I'm sure glad we got son's SAT out of the way Junior year" but I bite my tongue when parents talk about how their daughter is a sure thing for Yale. What about you?</p>
<p>I’m very much like you in my approach. Sometimes a parent will say something ridiculous, but I just keep my mouth shut. If a parent specifically asks me about something, I willingly share my knowledge–ie timing of SAT prep course for a jr. Occasionally I’ll drop little tidbits of info into appropriate conversations–ie HS classes of 2008/2009 are some of the biggest in history, harder to get into colleges, D will be applying early for schools with merit scholarships, etc. </p>
<p>I do tell my sisters, with children 3-4 years behind my older child, what they need to be thinking about, hs course selection, etc. That’s kind of the right of an oldest sibling. I also tell my younger nieces/nephews (8th and 9th graders) about college stuff.</p>
<p>I don’t say much unless it is truly something that can help a situation and there is an “in” to say it. Even solicited advice has backfired on me because I pushed too hard once on a specific situation where a dear friend just wasn’t saying how they felt. It has been a hard lesson in life for me that people don’t always say what they mean and mean what they say, since I am very much wired that way.</p>
<p>Me, too. My next child just finished 9th grade, so I know lots of parents whose oldest child is 14 or 15. I don’t know that I give them “advice” but I try to share as much of the “what I wish I’d known with the first kid” type of info as I can. For example, our school does not appear to acknowledge that SAT II subject tests exist. When the spring comes around, I’m going to be telling folks to think about having their kid take the SAT II in World History while they’re preparing for the corresonding AP exam. That is the type of thing that no one told me, but I wish they had.</p>
<p>The only unsolicited utterance that passes my lips is to correct anyone who claims, “So and so got a full scholarship from (insert name of school that doesn’t give merit $$.)” It was only recently that I learned that many top schools give no merit money. That was the biggest shock of all as I began nudging D toward the college process & spending entirely too much time on CC. So many parents with bright kids are assuming that money will be heading their way that this will throw a wrench in their college planning.</p>
<p>The SAT2 thing is definitely something to share. There are other things that I will bring up as they occur. Advice, I don’t usually give unless asked anyways in other areas of life unless urgent to a difficult situation, but for some reason the college stuff is something I get tempted to open my mouth about. I do not do so anymore. I let this forum be the outlet.</p>
<p>Informing kids and parents about the college thing is part of my job - I teach high school in a magnet program where all of the kids should be college-bound and scholarship seeking. Some of the parents are also my friends, since my kids are in that age group and at that school.</p>
<p>Because I’ve been through it twice, and am doing it a third time, and I’m a high school teacher, I’m get asked questions from time to time…</p>
<p>The few times I offer unsolicited advice is when I think it could be something very beneficial, and that the families might not know. For example, if I hear that a kid has gotten a 1250 on the SAT, with no prep, I may tell them that a little prep could raise that to 1270, the magic number for 100% tuition in the state of Florida. </p>
<p>I try to offer unsolicited information if it’s the kind of thing that in two years, the parent might say “Oh, if I’d only known…” and I know that the knowledge would have really made a difference.</p>
<p>There’s also a difference between information and advice. I think information is almost always a positive. Letting folks know about options and paths and choices… For me personally, the more information the better. That’s different than advice, which implies suggesting a particular course of action. That is a lot trickier. I do that a lot less.</p>
<p>I have enough trouble worry about my own kids. </p>
<p>I do know of one situation where a B/B+ student was being taken around to Ivy Schools by his grandmother. I did talk to the student’s mother because she is open and I wanted to make sure that she was realistic, which she is. Someone is going to need to have a reality talk with grandma. I hope the student does not feel like a failure when he disappoints grandma in college admissions.</p>
<p>Stickershock, it was a comment exactly like that that made me want to start this thread. A lady at church was talking about how she was hoping her stepson would get a free ride to Duke. I don’t know stepson well, but I fear they’re going to be disappointed. But I bit my tongue.</p>
<p>I generally support other parents’ plans since what was right for my D may not be right for them. However, I do often suggest they check out CC to get a wider perspective!</p>
<p>I don’t give unsolicited advice. I know people who have told me that my D <em>had</em> to do this or that, and she didn’t, and she was fine. People have different means to the end that they are seeking, and not all are seeking the same path as my child.</p>
<p>My eldest is only in 9th grade, and reading CC has helped us figure out a game plan and goals. I only share the ideas I glean here with my two closest friends, because the rest in my homeschooling circle would think we’re insane for even thinking about colleges now.</p>
<p>I’ve decided to keep my mouth shut after I e-mailed who I thought was a good friend some info about really bright kids not getting into their choice colleges, and she became very hostile and bit my head off. (we’re not friends any longer!)</p>
<p>Haven’t lost friends over this but found myself in an uncomfortable situation. People don’t like know it alls unless they are specifically seeking one. College advice is no exception.</p>
<p>If asked, I offer the info based on our experience, but I have had a couple of people who are not too happy with the answers…</p>
<p>On the other hand, I saved my niece’s butt already with some wisdom that her GC had no idea about…</p>
<p>I think the one thing that younger students are still not being educated on is the ACT…many older GC’s in the northeast have not educated themselves and, therefore, have no clue…really a shame…</p>
<p>I try to give only factual material and not opinion based information. For example, I let people know about SAT IIs and to plan the timing of them to coordinate with HS classes if possible, the no merit aid from many top schools issue (so many people are in the dark about this and I advise them to check the school’s website), and to keep in mind the gpa and rigor issues when planning their child’s HS courses. I do not give opinions on retaking SATs. Even when asked about admissions chances, I say “one never knows in this admissions climate, but if your child does not apply, you will never know.” I save my frank opinions for these boards.</p>
<p>A friend of mine recently got together a group of moms who have daughters to discuss senior year and issues that may come up. We decided to meet once a month and offer info and support to each other. My “area” is passing on articles relevant to college apps and available scholarships. It has been a lot of fun! </p>
<p>On the other hand I also had to bite my tongue when another teammate’s mom went on and on how her daughter is a shoo in for an elite LAC. Her ACT score is very nice but not near the average for that school. sigh…I hope she won’t be disappointed! :(</p>
<p>Word’s gone out that my d’s h.s. is seeking parent volunteers for the college and career room next year. And I’m thinking about helping out as I know of a lot of areas we were never informed about as far as the college process, i.e. SAT II’s. I learned about them after the fact for my S; thank goodness he didn’t need them. However, we missed taking the Bio SAT II after my d finished AP bio her freshman year because we didn’t know about them. Thankfully, that was remedied in time for her to take the chem SAT and math II sat after AP chem and pre-calc. I know a lot of folks don’t know about those. But I’m also aware the majority of the kids in our public school stay in-state at the state schools for a variety of reasons, but most especially Bright Futures. So, a lot of info I’ve seen on here doesn’t necessarily come into play. I’ll probably just be happy when D gets in … and move on to the next line item for my own kids – when do you take the LSAT and which law school is the best fit for my S’s leanings. :)</p>
<p>I have a big circle of friends, most of whom have kids a year or two younger, and I share information with them. The only real advice I’d say I gave is while you’re on vacations this summer and next go ahead and check out colleges to start to think about what your child might want.</p>
<p>To the pp who talked about the full ride at some college: I let those things go because either they’re lying or they are simply confusing merit-based aid with need-based aid and so what’s the point of pointing out their error? If they’re lying, they know it, and if they’re mistaken it would look like, to me, that you were pointing out they weren’t wealthy enough to finance this exorbitant education. What’s to be gained by that?</p>
<p>I share very little unless I’m asked point-blank about schools my D visited.</p>
<p>Appparently, most of my co-workers have “brilliant” children who are destined for Ivy League schools. Recently one such co-worker remarked that S’s 30 score on the ACT made him a shoe-in for Duke. I usually just say things like “you must be so proud of your son/daughter” or “Duke is a really good school,” because if I try to tell them the “truth” they generally don’t listen. And don’t get me started on scholarships!</p>
<p>Must. Bite. Tongue.</p>