<p>My mom said that when she went off to UT-Austin in the fall of 1956, her parents told her she could not come home until Thanksgiving, and they would not come visit her, either. Her dad thought that was the best way to help her cut the cords and acclimate to college life. Of course, back then, any type of communication was difficult. She felt very alone and unhappy. Finally, a classmate’s parents called her folks and said, “You’d better go visit your daughter - she looks really thin and miserable.” So her parents came to see her, although she still wasn’t allowed to come home until Thanksgiving.</p>
<p>My boys have always been good communicators and that did not change when they went to college. H says they inherited my “phone gene”.
The older two both called 2-3 times/week while the youngest was pretty much daily on his walk back to the dorm after classes. We all will text little tidbits (usually sports or news related) a lot. When I had something to speak with them about, I would text “Call when you get a chance.” This would enable them to call when it was convenient for them to talk. We all just fell into a natural rhythm.</p>
<p>My oldest always seemed to call during the day between classes and I would tell H all about the call when he got home. I started to see a bit of disappointment in his eyes when I would tell him about the calls, so the next time S called, I mentioned that dad always had his cell with him it would be fine to call him at work. A few days later H came home beaming because S had made a special call to talk just to him. ;)</p>
<p>When the kids do phone, try to keep the calls upbeat and not to turn them into interrogations or sermons. They are much more likely to want to chat if the calls are easygoing.</p>
<p>my-3-sons - Same exact thing happened here - daughter always called me during the day until I mentioned how disappointed her dad was that all the info came through me. He doesn’t use his cell at all and is rarely at his desk but if his assistant sees daughter’s cell number come up on his phone she picks up and runs to get my husband. He’s been called out of meetings with some very “important” people and yet, they all seem to understand.</p>
<p>I have to say I don’t completely get the paradigm that says you have to be somewhat out of touch with your kids in order for them to develop into full adults. I daresay in most of the world, and probably most of the kids in this country, kids stay near home when they are grown and don’t venture hundreds or thousands of miles away and still manage to develop into fully functioning adults. I don’t see what’s wrong with kids staying in close touch with their parents, as long as the kids control the contact and the kid doesn’t lean on the parent too much.</p>
<p>Full disclosure, my S and D are in close contact with me (though they are many miles away). D calls daily and is mostly chatty. S is more like a couple or few times a week. He leans a bit more, he’s the younger one, and I kind of think he needs to for now. The schools have given advice that say don’t be in such close touch, but I honestly don’t know if I agree. I hope S will get more on his feet, but I hope they both stay close and know that I’m available when they need me. I don’t think a family staying close, even during the college years, is a bad thing.</p>
<p>Didn’t get a cell phone until oldest daughter went to college. She would call once a day, and many times it was just to say things went well. Second daughter does the same. Most phone calls are for them to say something they wouldn’t say to anyone else like, “I can’t believe my roommate did this…!” This way they don’t burn bridges with their peers.</p>
<p>The phone calls can help children “think out loud”. Most calls aren’t long.</p>
<p>I think it’s important not to confuse the quantity of contact for the quality. I’ve known very independent kids who traveled around the world and talked or texted with parents daily, multiple times within the day - my own are not too far from home but would rather save in depth conversation for in person visits and so I don’t hear from them for several days at a time.</p>
<p>I will see my kids once a month or so but only talk/text once or twice a week. Sometimes they contact us (since move in week their father refers to himself as “Circle K” - what else do you need?) and sometimes I have questions - as in “are you happy with all of your classes?”. I don’t want the initiation of the contact to always be on them - I care, they haven’t been cut off - but I restrain myself from being a pest and trust that they can handle things for themselves.</p>
<p>We dropped daughter off 3000 miles away for college a week ago. The first night we left she said she was homesick. She has skyped us, but I have noticed less texting from her. Trying to let her initiate when she wants to talk. She did get a job too:) She wants to join a few clubs at her large campus. It is exciting for her. I just miss seeing her. She has always had soo many friends, so it will be easy for her to adjust socially. Now, I think of my 16 daughter and when it’s her turn. Much more of a homebody and way more attached…</p>
<p>I definitely agree with doughmom - not keeping in touch with parents <> maturing.</p>
<p>Your kids are probably going to send 100 texts a day - shouldn’t be much trouble to send one home every couple days</p>
<p>My boys have all been very independent people and don’t really have a need to call or text home frequently.</p>
<p>BUT</p>
<p>They also know that I really miss them and that daddy and I are not big fans of our empty nest. We liked it much better when our nest was full and loud and busy.</p>
<p>So they all seem to make it a point to call or text fairly frequently. Even if it’s just on the way to or from class or an errand, it makes my day.</p>
<p>And they also made a very strong point with me…that they can’t read my mind, and if I am missing them, it’s ok for me to just let them know that up front. We talked about how some kids get homesick at college, and it’s not considered strange for them to call home for a little TLC–why shouldn’t a parent sometimes miss the children as well?</p>
<p>I will just text them a message, saying that a call in the next day or two would be great…and generally I will get a call later that day or at most the next day.</p>
<p>I don’t do it often—my first left for college waaayyy back in 2003!—but I am glad that I had a discussion with them. It generally doesn’t get to this point because I will hear from one or another of them every few days. But last winter there was a period of about a week when i didn’t hear from any of them and I just texted “miss you!” to each of them!</p>
<p>I also agree with doughmom. My son and I text most every day, sometimes it’s just a line or two of news, sometimes it’s a full conversation. But this has in no way impeded his maturity level. He was way more independent and self-sufficient than I ever expected him to be freshman year and it evolves more every day (he’s a sophomore). I rarely get involved in his decisions and don’t know what he’s doing most of the time but I see nothing wrong with staying in frequent contact if both parent and child want that. I know adults who speak to their parents several times a day and it signified nothing more than a close-knit family.</p>