<p>Oops…right you are, jym. I was focusing on the wrong line. 9/19 was the last she posted and the last she checked in here. </p>
<p>Hope all is okay with this. Very sad.</p>
<p>Hello everyone - thank you for the concerned responses. I am sorry I have not been on here for awhile but I just wanted to let the situation rest and see if it would get better by itself and college also got really busy! I am sad to say things never got better with my roommate, in fact they became worse. She ended up going to the hospital twice this semester for her diabetes, and the second time I found her in a coma in the bathroom and had to call for help. She missed a ton of classes because she would be at the hospital for 3-4 days at a time. She gets sick often and I plead with her to go to Health Services but she doesn’t listen and I know she will be going to the hospital again. </p>
<p>By far the worst part is she has become suicidal, posting messages on social media that she is an outcast, wants someone to come and end her life, etc. I saw this and immediately told my RA, but all that happened with that was my RA came in the room with us and talked to her and told her about counseling and asked if she was feeling better. Of course my roommate replied she was doing great - yet continues to post depressing messages. I took it higher to the director of my dorm but nothing has improved. I expressed to him that I am genuinely worried I will come back to the room and find my roommate dead, but apparently there is nothing they can do about it. </p>
<p>She never became friendly to me even though I tried. When she went to the hospital and wouldn’t answer my texts or calls I actually called through the hospital to her room to make sure she was okay. I tried to engage her and ask her how her day was but she never would talk back to me. I tried not to keep any more food in the room and I think this made her mad at me. One weekend I came back from being gone all weekend, came into the room with all my stuff and a bag of leftover chips, and I asked her how her weekend was - all she could say in response to me was “great, you brought food!” </p>
<p>Because of this I have requested to move out of the dorm for the upcoming spring semester. I hate it, I love my dorm, it is the honors dorm on campus, the nicest one with air conditioning, great location, and I have to move out while my roommate who is not even in the honors program gets to stay. I am really irritated that the university never stepped in - I am sure there are legal reasons why they can’t intervene but you would think a suicidal person who is always needing an ambulance sent to the dorm would raise some red flags. I pity the poor person who will replace me in the room because it is obvious the situation won’t change. </p>
<p>I still feel terrible for leaving. I feel like there is going to be no one else on campus who cares about my roommate and she will slip even further into depression and possible suicide. And I will be taking everything she uses almost daily - the printer, microwave, Keurig, even the clock in our room. I feel very guilty and I don’t know how to tell her I will be moving out. </p>
<p>Are her parents aware of the situation? I cannot imagine leaving a suicidal child there, or even just a diabetic who is obviously not managing her condition properly! Even under the best of circumstances that is not easy.</p>
<p>It’s a shame you have to move out of the dorm, but it does sound like it would be good to get away from her. You can only do so much as a roommate and student. I am amazed that the school has not done more to intervene (geez, see PizzaGirl’s tale of a school that insists on keeping a student hospitalized for 2 unnecessary days. The complete opposite of this situation)… Good luck and thanks for the update.</p>
<p>I know her parents know about the hospital visits because they have come up to be with her both times. I am not sure about the suicidal part- I can’t help but think someone on social media would see her posts and say something to her parents but I cannot be sure. I know my roommate has several siblings and a nephew and I think her parents work a lot and are really busy so she gets lost in the shuffle. </p>
<p>Will she even be there in the spring? Is she passing her classes?</p>
<p>Musicmerit- I have thought about this too. Some posts of hers on social media indicate that they still haven’t even paid for fall semester yet and with the amount of class she’s missed I am unsure of her grades. Of course due to privacy no one can tell me her chances of being here next semester - it very well could happen that we both move out. I just know my chances of being able to move out now are much higher than if I wait for the start of next semester to see if she is still here. </p>
<p>IMHO, the counseling center should be consulted, not just for her but for you. This has made it really difficult for you, forcing you to move. Some people feel very lost when they go to college, and your roommate sounds like one of them - possibly because of a combination of financial, health, and family support issues, but as you started this thread, it just should not be your problem.
I am not an expert about the social network worrying postings, I hope someone has advice for you on that.</p>
<p>Please don’t feel terrible for leaving. You have alerted others to her needs. You cannot be responsible for her. You deserve to have a happy, healthy college experience. You have done more than anyone could expect. Move on and know that you have done what you could. I wish you well in the spring!</p>
<p>I don’t have any advice to telling her you are leaving. Maybe you could talk to the RA about your reasons for leaving and have the RA tell her at the end of the semester. I would be worried about her reaction to the news, so that is why I recommend you have someone else help with telling her.</p>
<p>Thanks for the update. You have been a wonderful roommate, but it’s now time to move on. It is not YOUR responsibility to keep your roommate alive. One thing you might do is to document your contacts with the RA and the dorm director regarding her alarming social media postings, so if the girl ends up dead you could have documentation to give her parents to show them the school knew and (apparently) did nothing.</p>
<p>Best of luck to you in the coming semester and in the rest of your college career!</p>
<p>You don’t have to feel terrible for leaving. I feel terrible for you. You shouldn’t have been left in this situation. </p>
<p>Is there any way you can put yourself on a waiting list for any room(s) or beds that open up in your Honors dorm for next semester? It just seems that your roommate’s future there is very uncertain, and you ought to be able to remain in your room if she ends up withdrawing. </p>
<p>If you haven’t already done so, you might want to talk to the dean of students. He or she might be able to intervene to allow you to move to a different room in the dorm. </p>
<p>Perhaps there is someone else vacating a room in the dorm and you can move within the dorm… But you have done more that enough. Time to take care of yourself. Good luck.</p>
<p>Thanks for updating, a lot of us have been wondering about this worrisome situation. I will pray for you both!</p>
<p>Yes I agree with one of the above posters that this situation merits an appointment with either the Dean of Students or if there is a Freshman Dean. This is not a normal situation of students not being able to get along or reach common ground. Your roommate has serious issues and you have been more than kind, caring and supportive. You are not responsible for her life or her choices and it is extremely unfortunate that you would be forced to leave your desired dorm because of her situation to one less favorable especially when it seems highly unlikely that she will be able to continue as an enrolled student second semester.</p>
<p>My colleague at work has a daughter who is a freshman and had a difficult roommate situation that got progressively worse and after going through mediation process, the roommate was removed to a different room. So far my colleague’s daughter has an unplanned single but she may very well have a roommate assigned next semester. That happened to my friend’s daughter several years ago at American as a student spending a Washington DC semester from abroad was assigned to her room and that worked out very well.</p>
<p>(Honestly, I’m surprised she wasn’t told she has to take medical leave - usually that happens if a student has multiple hospitalizations within a short span of time. If the Dean of Students is contacted by the OP, it is very probable that the Dean is <em>very</em> aware of this student ’ if not, it should become a priority,)</p>
<p>I had the roommate from _ell my first semester. I only went so far as multiple conversations with RA, which were useless. I wish I had a group like CC parents, so I would have approached a Dean or someone with more authority. my rm/mt left college pregnant, arrested for taking my checks and forging them, and I ended up with a single for second semester. Nothing would make up for that awful fist 1/2 year at college, though. She stole my typewriter, clothes, etc. In hindsight, I should have told RA, “I’m going to police–you are useless”. </p>
<p>I think you have over-extended yourself, trying to care for a roommate who does not deserve your goodness. Enough is enough. Get strong. E-mail Dean, RA, etc., and say you’ve done all u will do. </p>
<p>I would go see the Dean AND present a written document detailing the issues your roommate has been experiencing, esp the diabetes and mental health issues. This merits a paper trail, IMO.</p>
<p>One other note: I know a parent whose UG son was posting worrisome things on his FB account. Another friend saw the posts, said something to his/her own parent, and that parent contacted this young man’s son. Parents were able to withdraw him from school, get him the help he needed, and the young man is now doing well in grad school. </p>
<p>I would hate to be the last to know my kid is seriously struggling and that noone told me.</p>
<p>I would not be so quick to give up that honor’s dorm room. Seems so unfair that you should lose a living arrangement that you are happy with. From reviewing this thread I think there is a good chance she may not return next semester.</p>