<p>I also want to say- do not give up your room. You have done nothing wrong. </p>
<p>Your room mate is too sick to be attending college, and I also think she needs to be on medical leave.</p>
<p>@kgal1996. I am appalled by the way the dorm people responded to the information about potential suicide risk. That can not be how they are trained to respond. They should not persuade you to ignore it. At my university (I’m a faculty member) I had a student some years ago who committed suicide; I spoke at her funeral. It was a horrific event. But one thing the university did was to work harder at suicide prevention and instruction of students, advisers, dorm administrators, and so on to be proactive. You must take this to the health center or crisis center on your campus – whatever it might be called. Explain everything including her FB postings.</p>
<p>Thank you everyone for the advice. I actually feel angry thinking about how I have to leave and she may get to stay when she is not even in the honors program. I was also really confused by how they handled the multiple suicide threats- just going off her word that she was in a “better place”. Even when I was at the health center the other day I told them about the situation and they seemed really concerned but then no follow up. I am going to email the Dean of Students and request that I get to stay in the honors dorm. It just seems like since I am the one making the request I have to leave. </p>
<p>I can’t remember how involved your parents have been in this situation, but I encourage you to get them involved now. I think the school needs to feel more pressure to take action, and I think it would take some stress off of you to have your family come alongside you in this struggle.</p>
<p>As everyone is saying, you have done everything possible to help your roommate, and now it’s time to save yourself and your room in the Honors Dorm.</p>
<p>@kgal1996, this is unbelievable. You are so close to it, you may not see how far from normal this situation is. This is very abnormal, and the response from the university is unbelievable. The suggestions to write out a brief timeline of what/who happened and email it to a person who will answer for the University is not at all out of line here. I don’t know who that is- President, provost, dean. The person who would be sued as soon as your roommate died should get very clear written detailed information of exactly what is going on, in a very traceable way, with a copy to someone else who would also represent the university is such a capacity if they were sued. I am sure this has impacted your ability to study and be an effective student, and you or she should also be relocated immediately.</p>
<p>Somebody in authority needs to do something immediately. This should not be allowed to be a roadblock on your studies. It is unfair to you. It needs to be escalated, and your roommate needs to get help. Her parents are only 40 minutes away, and they know about her hospitalizations yet are ineffective- she needs institutional help.</p>
<p>This is sad, scary, and disturbing. It is way too much for you to have to carry, or even to spearhead. Rattle some cages intensely and get someone else to own this. Maybe call the cops and ask them to talk to the university, or call your parents and have them escalate it as @powercropper suggests.</p>
<p>This is NOT “situation normal” and it needs to be.</p>
<p>I’m guessing the school is sidestepping due to patient’s rights and Americans with Disabilities Act. I also am shocked at how this is being handled.</p>
<p>@kgal1996, you are getting a real education and not the one you signed up for. Is there any way you can take some screen shots and print out some of the social media statements you feel are suicidal? As someone mentioned above, do a timeline of the deterioration of your roommate. You need to see the Dean of Students. IMO you should absolutely stay in the honors dorm since you qualify and roommate doesn’t. You should consider applying to be an RA next year because you will absolutely know more about bad roommate situations than most of the candidates. You seem to be very compassionate. Good luck and be sure to update us!</p>
<p>School can contact the parents if they suspect the student may harm herself. I am also surprised the school isn’t doing more for this student. I think OP should demand to have the roommate moved instead of moving out herself.</p>
<p>I agree with the other parents’ advice. It is outrageous that you might have to change dorms. Inform your parents. Write a letter–and/or have them write a letter–to everyone in a position of authority at your school. At a minimum, they cannot overlook a student who has been making threats of suicide. Raise the possibility you might choose to go to the news media. </p>
<p>How about this for a solution: your roommate should room with the RA. It would be simplest if you and the RA switch rooms. </p>
<p>At present, they are using you as an unpaid and untrained monitor of an unstable, possibly suicidal student. The RAs, at least, are being paid. </p>
<p>Perhaps the possibility of having to personally deal with her in the same room will change their estimation of the likelihood she is a danger to herself or others.</p>
<p>OP, you should make an appointment and go see the Dean of Students (or Student Ombudsman if that doesn’t work) in person. Be clear to yourself about what your goals for the meeting are. I think they are 1. be able to stay in the honors dorm, and 2. call appropriate attention to the roommate’s situation. Most desirable would be to stay in the room and have the roommate move, but even moving to a different room yourself would be better than moving out of the dorm altogether. </p>
<p>Your goals are most likely to be accomplished by going the meeting and politely explaining the situation, including what you hope the dean will do in response. Don’t “demand”. That is easy for an anonymous person on an internet board to suggest, but in real life, it is usually not the best approach.</p>
<p>So, schools are now obligated to inform another student of all steps they may be taking to aid someone with suicidal ideation? And yes, please, let’s take someone who is possibly unstable and kick her out of her housing situation because it is more “fair” somehow to move her than other roommate. One roommate doesn’t get to kick out the other. Generally, the complainer puts in a request to move or there’s some kind of remediation process and both have to move. Making someone leave her dorm room room requires due process, a specific charge, a hearing, an opportunity for appeal. Should the school try to keep OP in the honors dorm if she requests a room change? Yes. And we have no idea why this isn’t happening. </p>
<p>The roommate has been hospitalized for her diabetes. Other than some creepy social networking posts and the roommate reports, on what basis is the school supposed to base action? Do you know how many kids get emotional over something and tweet something that someone else may view as a veiled suicide threat? Yes, check it out (I had dd1 report concerns about her first roommate when she started sleeping all day for weeks at a time) but how should a university be jumping into action? What many of you are suggesting be done to the roommate is at best unkind.</p>
<p>RA’s get their own rooms, they don’t share. That’s part of the deal. </p>
<p>Most schools also have the rule that the one who wants a different roommate moves, not the one who is fine with the situation.</p>
<p>Yeah, but why is this non-honors student in the honors dorm in the first place? Seems to me even that was an unfairness to the OP (but perhaps part of the contract, so by itself, not a big deal). Now it’s being augmented by having the OP have to leave the dorm, when SHE was the one entitled to be there in the first place. </p>
<p>I agree that OP needs to take this higher, with help from her parents if need be. At least she might be able to get a promise that if roomie leaves, OP will be allowed to return to her room in the honors dorm.</p>
<p>I am generally in favor of letting students take care of their own interpersonal issues at college. Most of them are about room mates not getting along, or something like that that doesn’t need intervention. </p>
<p>But this is a life threatening situation. I am concerned for the OP’s rights to stay in her room. I am even more concerned about this room mate with suicidal thoughts and uncontrolled diabetes. </p>
<p>IMHO, this is grounds for being hospitalized. In some cases one can get a court order if the person is in immediate danger to themselves. I think this room mate is in danger of harming herself- on her own or by not taking care of her health. </p>
<p>OP have you asked your parents to help you with this? Most colleges do not go along with parents intervening like this, but this is a critical situation because of the seriousness of the room mates physical and mental health. For this reason, I’d want to call the school too if I were a parent of someone the room mate knows. </p>
<p>twoinanddone, when I was an RA, I had a roommate (and had to pay for housing). It was a tough situation for my roommate – and no matter how well we got along, the roommate usually changed rooms the next term. Hard to blame them.</p>
<ol>
<li><p>Yes I have told my parents- they are concerned and have been supportive. They want me to find another living arrangement for next semester and are supportive of me sending a letter to some higher up administrators. </p></li>
<li><p>Yes, I agree it is weird that non-Honors students can live in the Honors dorm. How it works at my school is that there are two honors dorms in the same quad and Honors students are guaranteed a spot in the dorm if they so choose. The rest of the spots are awarded randomly to other students who have requested a spot in the honors dorm. The goal of the honors dorms (each dorm has their own goal) is to create en environment conducive for academic success…</p></li>
<li><p>I do not think I have the right to make my roommate move out of our room. I am perfectly content to move to another room in my current dorm or even in the other Honors dorm. But what my resident director is telling me now is that I could be placed in a dorm totally on the other side of campus, with a different “goal”, without the amenities of the honors dorms- that is what I am against. </p></li>
<li><p>Finally, I want to make it clear that the social media postings are not vague in regards to suicide. One of them specifically mentioned that she “would like someone to come pull the trigger for me”. </p></li>
<li><p>I do not think anyone could live with my RA. And yes, I actually am applying to be an RA next year. I definitely will have some experience. </p></li>
</ol>
<p>@kgal1996,
I think that you are doing everything right. Good job!</p>
<p>I hope that you are able to move out of your room and that they have another room available for you in the same Honors dorm. </p>
<p>Your RM is probably in honors dorm because as a first generation, low income student the college probably wanted her to have extra support to try to increase chances of success of staying in college. Don’t underestimate how a vastly different background and upbringing will make it difficult for someone to succeed. The differences to her are obvious and seem insurmountable which exacerbates the depression or suicidal ideation. I don’t have the data to back this up, but my impression is that many first gen, low income students will drop out during the first year of college or if they do stay, they feel completely uncomfortable in college due to differences in their surroundings at college vs their cumulative life experience at home</p>
<p>I do think that it’s important to print out a screen shot of her facebook postings and take it to a dean level. RAs and student health might not want to get involved, but a dean, who works at the university and is thus a representative of the university, who has the chance of getting sued if she does pull the trigger, will probably get involved right away.</p>
<p>A friend told me of a talented college student he knows who hung himself in his dorm room this semester. His roommate found him. Please take student suicide threats seriously.</p>
<p>I hope that there’s more attention being paid to the situation than the OP is being made aware of – due to student privacy issues, it’s possible that she’s simply not seeing everything that may be happening.</p>
<p>OP, it’s really hard to still have real compassion and understanding for someone when they’re impacting your life so much – kudos to you, and I’m sure you will be a terrific RA.</p>
<p>I’m not sure of your roomie’s age, but you might be able to make a report to Department of Child & Family Services or Child Protective Services with a charge of parental neglect. At least then a DCFS investigation will get made (your name is confidential) and perhaps the college will wake up.</p>
<p>You could check with Financial Aid and ask if students with unpaid fall semester can register for spring semester. </p>
<p>If not, likely your roommate will have to leave.</p>
<p>Also ask Fin Aid about what happens to a fall semester financial aid package if a student earns all F grades. I think any fin aid gets cancelled for that semester and the student has to pay it all back out of pocket, due to Federal regulations and the Satisfactory Academic Progress polices schools have.</p>
<p>This is just a compounding tragedy.</p>