How responsible am I for my roommate?

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<p>Alarms went off for me when after hospital visits, OP has to alter her habits to avoid turning on lights so roommate can sleep all day and miss all her classes. OP made no mention of being inconvenienced by university personnel constantly checking in on her room, or of roommate NOT being in the room. I understand the RA, University, etc. may not see this as their problem, but with the parents only 40 minutes away doing nothing; SOMEONE has to step up, and it is unfair to put this burden on an 18-year-old honors student.</p>

<p>I agree that a university officer/administrator (such as a dean), not an employee (such as an RA) should take ownership of this issue and support the students (honors student-OP and mental health sufferer-roommate) and employees. It is unconscionable for this university administration to allow their constituents to simmer in this powder keg. The roommate was hospitalized two months ago. Someone in the administration needs to be tracking this. And, yes, I do think the OP would notice if something was being done. She lives 24/7 within 6 feet of her roommate!</p>

<p>I’m assuming that encountering a roommate in a diabetic coma would be pretty traumatic for a fellow student. Like I said initially, contact the Dean of Students. </p>

<p>Thank you for the continued suggestions. I am drafting a letter right now. I do know that if she has not paid she cannot register for Spring Semester. Her registration is Tuesday so I am guessing if anything is to happen I will find out that day. I am thinking I will hold off on sending my letter until that day so I can avoid “hitting the fan” unless I need to. How does that sound? Or should I send the letter even if she is not coming back for next semester?</p>

<p>And I will be honest - I do not think there is anything going on behind the scenes. For instance, after the second hospitalization, I went to the resident director and said that, because of an extracurricular involvement, I was going to start traveling over the weekends and someone needed to be checking on my roommate to make sure she wouldn’t go into a coma in the room where no one would find her. He assured me “the situation was really important and a high priority” to them but I have seen no response. I am still here most weekends and there have been no checks, I know my roommate’s class schedule and she is always either at class or in the room, not at any kind of counseling or diabetes education classes or anything. There have been times when my roommate has gotten sick, close to the diabetic coma stage but not actually entering it, and there is no response from authority. I was the one last time who could tell she was getting sick, urged her to go to the health center, she thought it was just a little cold and then bam, the next day I find her in a coma. Like someone above said- I share a small space with her, and she is in that small space a lot. It isn’t hard to figure out what is happening. </p>

<p>@kgal1996, your roommate has no safety net. Often students have parents advocating for them- she has nobody. Filing a letter would put it on record that someone cares and hold the university accountable so they can’t say they did not know. I hesitate to recommend this because natural consequences will take their course. However, in this case the natural consequence will be to have the university eject her and wash their hands of her, pass through a bill for full tuition since the Federal Government will retroactively rescind her financial aid. It will be her bill since she is an adult. She will be on the street, depressed and suicidal, with no safety net, no skills, and a huge debt.</p>

<p>The university has a social contract with her and is really her last resort. If they simply eject her without recognizing her needs and referring her into the social welfare system, <em>I believe</em> and I know not everyone does, that they are (at least ethically) shirking their fiducial responsibility to this young person. We don’t magically become fully functional adults when we turn 18, regardless of what the law says. To take an ill, non-functioning, person and eject them when they have the means and expertise to transfer her to social services provided by the taxpayers is using the law as a fig leaf to cover inhumane treatment.</p>

<p>Now, is this your problem? No. I recommend you walk away from it and concentrate on your studies. However, you are so far in at this point that I do recommend that before you walk away you provide a traceable formal trail requesting help from the administration. The roommate seems to have no other advocate. If you would be so kind as to take the step of trying to make the administration OWN the problem, it may ease your conscience and allow you to move on guilt-free, knowing that roomie is being taken care of. Send the letter immediately. Speak to the dean if you can and tell him as long as the administration does not OWN the problem, they are saddling a freshman honor student (you) with it, and you have nowhere near the resources or expertise as does the university to deal with it, and it is affecting your housing situation and your studies.</p>

<p>For your own sake, get out from under this quickly and move on- immediately formally inform the administration in a way that they are held accountable (e.g. a letter or email copied to multiple people in positions of responsibility with screen shots, etc.).</p>

<p>That’s so true and so common in higher ed.</p>

<p>Thanks for the updates. I really feel for you; you’ve endured so much. I personally would send the letter ASAP. It’s important that your needs are accomodated quickly. Hopefully, when the Dean (or someone in admin) realizes the gravity of the situation, you’ll be moving immediately and independently of whether the roommate is allowed to register for next semester. </p>

<p>@kgal1996,
You should notify and send the letter to the Dean of Students, now, rather than waiting for her to not pay her tuition and getting kicked out of school. Why? Because she has no advocates or support, including her mom, and maybe by letting the university know, maybe, just maybe, they can offer some advice, assistance, therapy options, allowing to withdraw for medical leave so that she can return in the future, etc instead of basically just dropping out because her mom doesn’t pay the bill. I’m sure that if she gets kicked out for non-payment, she would never bring up any of her medical issues or emotional/psychological issues and she would just leave college, and that door will just close for her on the way out. So sending the letter NOW before she actually gets kicked out for non-payment, might actually help her.</p>

<p>BTW, my friend’s son’s roommate tried to hang himself in his room during his frosh year. So I agree to take suicide threats seriously as well.</p>

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How is there “extra support” for such a student in an honors dorm? OP says non-honors students are there because they requested it, and are given slots as available. </p>

<p>Presumably the atmosphere of more serious students would help. The OP also mentioned that they have some other amenities.</p>

<p>In response to the extra support - my family and I agree this could be a possible explanation for why we got placed together. Our dorm, in addition to having the more “serious” atmosphere, has more focus on academic help - RAs have events about registration, organizing study groups, tutoring, really nice study lounges, etc. </p>

<p>This is crazy. I know how serious diabetes is. You cannot mess around with this (I don’t mean the OP, I mean the diabetic). There is no way in he!! I would let my kid stay at college if they were hospitalized once for a diabetic coma. </p>

<p>IMHO the school had better get on the ball. I would think they would be doing more just as a CYA move in the event something happens and the family wants to sue. At the least they should be doing something because it is enormously obvious that one of their freshmen is having huge adjustment difficulties. This is like a neon sign - what else are they waiting for to make sure the roommate has a safety net?</p>

<p>I am flabberghasted that OP told the RM that she would be away and someone might need to see if roommate was near a diabetic coma. That is ludicrous that it has come to this.</p>

<p>One technicality that could be complicating matters is the roommate’s health insurance situation. Every residential college I’ve seen requires medical coverage, and it is automatically included in the cost of attendance unless the student furnishes proof of outside coverage (that she can use locally). Financial aid packages will include insurance when calculating total cost, but - if the student has failed to pay her own contribution - her insurance might not be in effect. If her family have dropped the ball repeatedly, she might not have coverage that they claimed she had. The roommate might not have coverage for those hospital visits, even if the university officially required it. Many less expensive health plans have sizable deductibles and co-pays, furthermore, and so she cannot afford the out-of-pocket costs for diabetes maintenance. </p>

<p>I would reiterate what I said previously that you should make an appointment with the Dean of Students or Freshman Dean. Not only would it be unfair for you not to be allowed to continue in Honors Housing, this whole situation has impacted your successful transition to school. You have concerns about your roommate’s physical and mental condition and this has certainly created an extremely stressful situation as you seem to have been put in the position of caring for her and potentially either finding her in a diabetic coma or worse. The University does not need legally to explain their options to you about her situation but somehow the lack of follow-through on so many fronts is pretty troublesome and again leaving you to feel this added responsibility. Schools generally prefer that students handle these situations on their own but a follow-up letter or email from your parents following your appointment cannot hurt.</p>

<p>The one time I contacted the Dean of Students at younger d’s school was health related because when she moved into specialty housing (theatre program) when she returned from study abroad, the dirty dishes left in the sink prior to Christmas break from first semester students… brought rodents into the kitchen- pretty disgusting situation. I was not there personally to see but this to me was a health hazard and could have/perhaps should have been reported to the Dept of Health. </p>

<p>What a very sad situation. If the roommate truly is suicidal, her reckless disregard of her diabetic care may be a form of suicide attempt. She really, really needs help. Here’s hoping that sounding the alarm bells to the Dean of Students will help both the OP and the roommate.</p>

<p>I hope you’ve been telling your parents about this. To me it sounds like it’s time for them to call and talk to someone higher up.</p>

<p>^^I agree. Not only for you, but for your roommate. The college may not have been informing her parents of events, due to privacy concerns, FERPA & HIPAA, as she’s over 18. Diabetic comas are very dangerous. For a diabetic not to eat regularly is also dangerous. I am not convinced she’s been monitoring her blood sugar, even though she has told you she is.</p>

<p>OP, please keep us updated. As you can read, there is much concern not only for you, but also for your roommate who obviously can’t take of herself. </p>

<p>And I agree that you should be able to stay in the honors dorm.</p>

<p>OP, so sorry you have to go through this. I agree with others that you should speak to the Dean about being able to stay in the Honors dorm but not having to room with current roommate. My D is a freshman in college and has had Type 1 Diabetes since she was 7. As parents we had certain requirements for D before she could go to school. She needed to prove to us that she was responsible enough in managing the disease. That doesnt mean something still cannot happen but it reduces the risk. We also made sure she let everyone know signs of lows and highs in case an emegency occured. Never was intent for anyone other than D to have any responsibilites for her disease or her studies.</p>

<p>I emailed the letter to the Dean of Students and other staff in the student life office today. I got a response from him a few minutes ago that said he spoke to my resident director and thinks he is handling the situation appropriately, but is willing to talk to me on the phone tomorrow. Not really the answer I was hoping for - now I feel like I did something wrong. This is so frustrating. I can imagine I will just get told to not worry about it and that I will just be placed in a random dorm next semester. I guess what happens to my roommate happens. </p>