How responsible am I for my roommate?

<p>I don’t know! OP said she didn’t want to mention that roommate is an URM, but we got that information, didn’t we?
Then read all the stereotypes: lazy, non-productive, diabetic, junk food eater, stealing, lying, low income, and so on.</p>

<p>At the beginning, I wanted to believe the thread is real. I had no reasons to doubt OP, but as I read on…hmmm!</p>

<p>I know I will get jumped all over for my comment but I am sorry, all I can see is “the good guy vs the bad guy and the bad guy is an URM.”. </p>

<p>I think this thread is very offensive!</p>

<p>This all makes sense. I am a bit surprised that the school would allow the student to stay without providing for food. OP - I would safeguard your personal valuables (phone, laptop, jewelry, money). Your roommate maybe a good person, but when people are desperate they may do desperate things. This is a very unfortunate situation. I hope it gets resolved soon. I feel bad for the roommate too.</p>

<p>Further comments…</p>

<p>I think my roommate’s parents have to know about the meal card thing because she posts about this all over social media. Even if her parents don’t have social media, I can’t imagine that one of her sisters or family members wouldn’t read “The university is kicking me out, I can’t go to class or use my meal card” and not talk to her parents. Roomie also said that her parents brought her money to use on food during the period of no meal card, but without the substantial student discount we get, even $100-200 could be used very quickly. My roommate also used this money to buy some books for her classes (that she couldn’t even attend at the time). I was shocked- roommate using her emergency food money to buy books for classes she couldn’t even attend. </p>

<p>I’m now seeing some pretty big patterns of dysfunction…</p>

<p>While this is a sad situation for your roommate, they made this mess- they need to fix it, not you. Have you made other friends on your floor? Can you temporarily keep your snacks in their room and get the snacks as you need/want them? This is inconvenient, but perhaps temporarily a better solution than trying to hide individual packages under your bed, which won’t work. If your roommate has had diabetes for a while, she knows what she needs to have available to her to manage a reaction, and can perhaps get crackers, etc from the dining hall or health center or wherever. She is stealing for you and that is not acceptable. And she is lying about your activities to her parents-- or implying that you are taking her food. This is not OK. </p>

<p>And what’s the excuse for her not attending classes? I thought she was reinstated. Even during the interim, could she have sat in on the classes even if not enrolled? She is not doing much to help herself, IMO.</p>

<p>Its’s fine to be concerned and caring. but please care about yourself too. This is obviously stressful. If your RA is not helpful (try one more time) then go above his/her head to the dean of students or dean of housing or whatever dept handles this and express your concerns. This is not acceptable and you have been more than understanding. </p>

<p>Its also fine to put in for a change of roommates. Do you know anyone else who is looking to change roommates? If/when this roommate gets the boot, you are likely to get one anyway. Better if you have some choice in the matter.</p>

<p>Okay, so even if this thread is for real, and OP was looking for advices, she got plenty: 7 pages and more. </p>

<p>Then why does OP continue to post her roommate’s business? There are details about roommate that CC readers didn’t need to know after a certain point of this thread… unless OP is trying to “juice up” the story.</p>

<p>Aww, Lana… what would cc be without a good, juicy story? :-@ The roommate’s identity has been kept private. No identifying info has been disclosed.</p>

<p>I wonder what the OP’s parents thinks about all this? I hope they have been apprised of the situation.</p>

<p>^^^ You are wild! Lol</p>

<p>18 credits and a job, and still find time to get on CC to follow a 9 page thread and respond with long posts. </p>

<p>naw!! I call this thread a FAKE!!</p>

<p>Hey Lana, obviously there is no way I can prove to you what is happening. I have continued to post in here because the situation continues to change and people want clarification. It is a good place for me to vent instead of venting to people on my floor who could spread gossip and here I get advice from parents. I only mentioned the URM thing after several posters on here speculated on it. You’ll notice that was absent for the first several pages of the thread. I have time to do this now because most of my classes are just reviewing what we learned in high school at this point (only three weeks in) so the hw load isn’t that difficult. I also only work two days a week, and since I have been sick, I have been resting and having some time to post. I am sorry that you find the thread offensive- I have tried to not stereotype my roommate but I am sure like in any tense situation frustrations may come out. </p>

<p>Thank you for the continued advice and support everyone. Yes I have talked to my parents and they are supportive. </p>

<p>I don’t really think the issue is about food at this point. The meal card has been re-activated and the parents are not going to let her starve - they brought her emergency funds when the meal card was suspended. The issue now is really surviving until the issue is resolved. OP will either likely get a new roommate or if the bills are paid remain with this one for the year. If the latter is the case, then OP has learned quite a bit during these last weeks and just has to set firm and clear boundaries with the roommate.</p>

<p>This is simply a case of a family sending their child off to college thinking that somehow the money would take care of itself. Unrealistic and unbelievably sad to do this to a child. But there must have been sums paid in order to hold the students place and to secure her starting at the school. So I doubt they are going to lose those funds by just refusing to pay the rest. Maybe just a cash flow issue or perhaps they were in a re-negotiating mode with the financial aid office and felt that once the child started they would have more leverage. Who knows, but this should NOT become OP’s problem and she should just move on with her life at college. I would give it no more thought and just make clear to her that what you purchase is for your use. Pretty standard stuff.</p>

<p>Reading CC Threads is a voluntary activity. Anyone who is offended can easily “walk away” in an instant.</p>

<p>Every single post on this site can be a hoax. That’s the chance you take when you read and/or respond.</p>

<p>Do we need a Bill Engvall “sign” here? “If you are offended by what you are reading, stop reading it.”</p>

<p>^^ So if a person is offended by an action or words from someone, they should just walk away? Just like that?</p>

<p>So the perpetrator can continue to offend others? No I am not going away and you can’t tell me to go away! </p>

<p>I don’t care what color a college student is: black, white etc… Most college kids don’t gossip like this. </p>

<p>This thread went from a " I need advice" thread to “let’s gossip”. And even though the URM name and OP’s identities are not revealed, it’s still gossip, and that is why I say this thread is a fake!!!</p>

<p>Most college kids don’t gossip? What?</p>

<p>Some people gossip. Some don’t. Of those that do, I seriously doubt that they stop doing it while they are enrolled in college. </p>

<p>Wow…being offended by a fake thread?! That takes a lot of effort.</p>

<p>No, offended that an adult takes the time out to create a fake thread to stereotype URM students. This OP can’t be a college student. </p>

<p>Okay, i misspoke by using the word “most”.</p>

<p>But to gossip to this extreme? No, I doubt of a college kid with a job, and carrying 18 credit hours have time to follow a 9+ page thread, and reply with long posts?</p>

<p>Now excuse me. It’s Sunday and I have to go to church to pray for you all. (I am just kidding. Don’t be mad.). :)</p>

<p>Trust me I am a college student haha. Just because I am not sleeping off a hangover like some of the other college students on my floor, and am instead up early doing HW and posting on CC, does not make me not a college student. I agree, it would be really sad (and take a lot of work) to create a thread like this if this was all fake. And trust me, college kids gossip. Social media? I have seen some pretty bad gossip in my time. I have not posted on CC before this but I relied on it a lot to figure out college things. It seems like a lot of stuff on here is “gossip”. </p>

<p>And, although this thread is 10 pages long, I have only posted 12 times. There’s a lot of other people in here too. </p>

<p>No need to explain yourself, Kgal. Lots of long time posters here who are very well respected that are trying to help you hash this out. </p>

<p>@kgal1996‌ You don’t need to worry about defending yourself. You are not the one who brought up whether the student was a URM or not. I’m sorry your first roommate experience has been unpleasant but you are definitely learning some life lessons. My junior year, I moved into an off campus apartment with some friends. One roommate suggested we just take turns buying groceries and share them all. That sounded fair to us. We discovered that the roommate who suggested it actually only ate yogurt and rice so that is all she bought when the rest of us were buying spaghetti and chicken and other things that made real meals to us. We had to renegotiate. </p>

<p>It sounds like you need to renegotiate now. I don’t think your roommate is going to be there very long, but it is not your responsibility to make sure she has food. If she was actually working and trying to make money, I might feel differently too, but she is nit trying to help herself.</p>

<p>Kgal, ignore the statement by just one poster that this is an offensive thread. Not so! I looked at that poster’s past posts, and (just as I suspected), she is perhaps hyper-sensitive about the URM issue because her D is a URM. </p>

<p>I echo others’ advice to document. That stunt by roommate in implying to her mother that you stole her snacks (when it was really the other way around) makes me wary about anything and everything this girl might do. She comes from an entitlement background (she thinks everyone else should pay for her?), and is unfortunately just enforcing the entitlement stereotypes. </p>

<p>I also agree with others who suggest you should lock up your valuables. This girl is not to be trusted. Her diabetes is a side issue, but that doesn’t excuse her actions. Her health is not your responsibility. Your RA might need to step it up a bit, because if the girl dies from her poor habits, the school might wind up a party to a lawsuit. So she might need to start documenting all of this, too. </p>