Hi everyone,
I am writing this because I could really use some advice. I am a freshman at a D1 university. I am studying accounting and they have an excellent business school, which is why I chose to attend. I’ve been here for about 6 weeks and I don’t like it. One thing that I didn’t expect was the emphasis put on partying. I know that partying is at every college, but it’s a huge focus here. The school doesn’t like on campus parties, and there’s no room to have one, so all the parties are pushed off campus. There are huge house parties almost every night, there are signs in the dorms advertising underage drinking, and a club on campus supported underage drinking because the money you paid to get into the party went to charity. I just don’t feel comfortable going to these parties because they are all off campus in a bad neighborhood. The area where these parties are held is extremely dangerous, and the university warns students to stay away from it. God forbid if something were to happen you would have to call the local police station which is known to be slow and even unreliable. I just don’t feel comfortable going, especially because I don’t have friends that I can trust. Socially it has been very hard for me. I had a lot of friends the first two weeks, but once they found out that I didn’t want to party they stopped talking to me completely. I’ve tried to make new friends but the same thing keeps happening… There is no peer pressure to drink or do drugs, but there is a lot of pressure to go to the party and like I said I don’t feel comfortable. Also, the school treats the athletes like royalty and the rest of us pretty shitty. The athletes also think they are wayyyy better than everyone else and are extremely exclusive. I just don’t have any friends, and I feel like the school is just too big for me. I’ve also tried talking to my professors and my academic advisor and they were extremely rude to me. I have a peer mentor but she is all over the place and doesn’t care about her advisees. She’s also a nursing major who has never stepped foot into the business school so she’s useless for academic advice. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m just not happy here. I eat all my meals alone or with my roommate. I’ve tried making friends and even joined 3 clubs, but it’s all the same. I mean I have people who I talk with in classes, but that’s it. I’ve asked them to go get ice cream with me or to hang out and I get denied. We have strictly an academic relationship. I’ve talked it over with my parents and we think the best option is for me to transfer schools. I guess where I need advice is how do I tell my school that I want to transfer? I was one of 4 freshman chosen to receive this high honors academic scholarship. Part of the scholarship is working in the business school for 5 hours every week. so I know the dean and all the people who work there pretty well. In order for me to apply for transfer, I need to get this form signed by my advisor and the dean of the business school. I have to have a meeting with them and I’m terrified. My academic advisor has been rude to me in the past and I’m scared. Also, it looks sooooo shitty that I want to transfer. I was the chosen one. They did a lot for me and gave me a lot of scholarships and opportunities. I feel like it’s a slap in the face to them. but I’m not happy and I have to do what is going to make me happy and what is best for me. I just don’t even know what to say. How should I approach my advisor about this? How do I start the conversation? What should I say? I want to be as respectful as possible and I don’t want them to be upset because I still have to work with them for the rest of the semester. Any advice on how I should do this is greatly appreciated. Thanks!
Which school are you looking to leave?
You have no choice but to follow the policy and see your advisor to get the forms signed. If you really want to make this choice you are going to have to be grown up and do it.
But, before you do this, how are you going to pay for an alternative without a scholarship, what do your parents think about a change?
No matter what you do, make sure to work hard and do well with your syudies.
Look at your school’s website to find out what the policy and procedure is. If there’s nothing specific about leaving for good, then there will be some overlap in the policy and key deadlines for temporary leave of absence.
Like above, I would look at the school’s website on transferring. Almost every school I’ve seen has this section outlined on their website. However, if you aren’t able to find it, you could go to your academic advisor, as they will most likely be able to direct you to the correct place to get a transfer done.
Just out of curiosity, what school are you currently attending that you are having such a hard time with? Sure, many D1 schools are pretty party oriented, but surely not EVERY single person there loves to party. You even said it yourself, it’s a huge school, so you should be able to at least find some other people who don’t like to party. I go to a fairly large D1 school myself, and I haven’t really had too much trouble making friends, although I do see the a lot of the party atmosphere around me. However, I’ve never heard of anyone being completely ostracized from a community for choosing not to party (even here).
As for the eating alone part, I’m assuming it’s a pretty normal part of college. When I go to my dining halls, I see plenty of people who go there and eat on their own. You won’t always have someone who’s able to go with you. I’ve had to eat on my own a couple of times as well, and I wouldn’t consider myself friendless.
I’m sorry you’re having such a difficult time. It sounds as if this school really recruited you, and you feel guilty about transferring. Just as your decision is not “personal,” so too was their recruitment of you. Be polite to your coworkers and explain that “it’s just not a good fit for me right now.”
HOWEVER, if you think that other schools don’t privilege certain groups like athletes, or have social customs like parties, or professors or advisors who are not “rude” (what exactly do you mean by that? can you give an example?) then your decision to transfer is meaningless.
It sounds like you were expecting that as the “chosen one” you would immediately be pushed to the top of the social scale. Not gonna happen, anywhere. If you’re eating alone, how about sitting down next to someone else in the cafeteria and striking up a conversation? I’m betting there are other activities on campus that happen at the same time as these off campus parties; have you gone to them? You might meet compatible people there.
Perhaps there is some exaggeration being used to make a point, but there are so many extreme sentences here (the academic advisor has been rude to the OP, the athletes who think they are wayyyy better than everyone else, the peer mentor who doesn’t care and is useless and finally the police who won’t come when they are called.)
I can see that school experience hasn’t been what the OP had hoped but there is a great rush to judgment based on very limited information so far into the semester in pretty much all the statements I list above. Certainly there are people who don’t party and the OP needs to find them. Friends will be easier to make without the Debbie Downer attitude.
You can explore transferring but it is possible that the situation may change for the better by the time a final decision is made. It sounds like the scholarship offer was a great deal and that deal may not be offered elsewhere.