How to be friends with Asians? Dating Asian guys?

Pre-College Issues High School Life
1

<p>Ok, so, since I've seen threads similar to this, I thought I'd give it a shot. Just before you guys read this: I'm sorry if this sounds insenstive/prejudiced in any way. That is not my intention.</p>

<p>Problem: Getting a date with asian guys, or just getting to be better friends with asians (male and female) in general.</p>

<p>I'm in AP classes, and there are quite a few asians in these classes, so naturally I have a couple of friends who are asian. I'm far from one of those annoying Anime fangirls/asian wannabes(I hate anime, actually), and I'm perfectly happy with my own ethnicity. It's just I really like these friends just for who they are, and it seems that I tend to find traits I like in asian people. There's also the added factor that I really like asian guys for some reason and would like to date one in the future. </p>

<p>I'd love to be better friends with my asian pals. They'll tell me how funny/nice/hardworking/fun to talk to I am, but I feel like they don't want to be better friends with me simply because I am a loud, outgoing blonde-haired, blue eyed girl who isn't remotely Asian. This makes me sad and paranoid, but I can't help but think this because they sit at ALL asian lunch tables, make comments about their "asianness" all the time and their close friends are asian without exception. They seem to date only asians too, although there are a couple exceptions of asian girls dating white guys.</p>

<p>They'll have some "good" white friends like me, but when it comes to their inner circle it seems like you have to be Chinese. Sometimes they even seem racist. Despite being fluent in English, they speak Chinese to each other front of me, make comments about people in Chinese right in the middle of classes and sometimes make racial comments about how "white people are stupid", or how they'd never date a white girl, etc. etc. </p>

<p>This is all sort of depressing to me, because I really like these friends because they are interesting, intelligent and hard working. I would love to become better friends and maybe even date someone who is asian (almost all the asians I know are Chinese, if that helps) but I can't seem to figure out how to break the "cultural barrier!"</p>

<hr>

<p>So, asian guys, what's the deal? Do asian guys really not date white girls? Why not? What do you like/dislike in a white girl (or girls in general)?</p>

<p>Asians in general: Can you help me understand what I have described? Why do all the asians I meet obsess so much over being asian? Why are they so seemily unwilling to be good friends with people outside their race?</p>

<p>Being a European who loves to mingle with everyone regardless of race, speaks a second language too and yet never feels the need to dwell on it/speak it in front of people who don't understand it like my Asian friends do sometimes, I am very confused. I would love some input to help me understand these apparent cultural differences.</p>

2

<p>Well im an asian male and i don't really act to be so asian. I have over half of my friends as being white. My boy and girl best friend is actually white, blond, and blue eyed. I think that it all depends on school. My school has alot of asians, but some do act to be asians because they cant speak english quite well. Even if they did, asians, especially chinese and koreans and japanese, stick together for no apparent reason. BUT just in case some asians hate acting like asians. Im one of them and so is my asian friend. We don't hate asians but just hate acting like a stupid one who thinks that asians are superior. </p>

<p>By the way, im an asian and i like white girls over asian girls because asian girls like to stick together and there really isn't a variety like you were talking.</p>

3

<p>I can totally relate. I am white and all of my friends in my little group are asian.
First, you have to realize that this isn't a racial thing, its a clique-ish thing. I used to feel kind of weird when my asian friends would talk in a different language or go to little budhist festivals without me, but then I got used to it, and just made stupid comments to let them know that I wanted to be part of it. </p>

<p>Honestly, you need to forget about the different race thing. If these people can't, then you shouldn't waste your time. I used to have friends who were all Asian, but could never drop the race difference, so I dropped them and made new friends..who just happened to be Asian.</p>

4

<p>my guy cousin once seriously dated a white girl, but in the end they had to break up because she couldn't have kids and also partly because of his mother's unwillingness to his marrying a white girl. it's unfortunate because now he is still single.</p>

<p>in school, i hang out mostly with other asian people (since i am asian myself), but a couple of my close friends are white as well and they hang out with us a lot. we just make it a point to talk in english so they won't feel left out.</p>

5

<p>The speaking in Chinese thing is kind of easy to understand, imo. There are like....4 Asians in my grade, (maybe 3..?) and we speak in chinese sometimes if we don't want to be overheard. We're not doing it to show off or anything, it's just useful. Eg, if you could talk about how crappy your teacher was and have no fear of getting in trouble, wouldn't you do it too?</p>

<p>As to why Asians hang out with other Asians, my best (asian) friend said, "I can just relate to other Asians more." Because of our cultural backgrounds, certainly, but also simply because asian churches, chinese schools, etc, bring us together outside of school. thus we all see each other more frequently.</p>

<p>that being said, all my close friends are white. im not really a part of the "asian clique" or all of the community-wide asian things.</p>

<p>Just out of curiousity, why are you so attracted to Asian guys/date one? It is the general (mis)conception that Asian males aren't too attractive. and most asians i know would rather date someone who's white. well...actually no, in my school, it seems like all of the 3 (haha) upperclassmen asians have liked me at some point. i doubt that that's because i'm asian though...Anyways, most asian guys - not including my school - would much rather date white girls just bc they've had it drilled into them by american society that the blonde hair, blue eyed girl is the ideal form of beauty. that they do date asians is probably because of other reasons, not their asianness.</p>

6

<p>
[quote]
Just out of curiousity, why are you so attracted to Asian guys/date one? It is the general (mis)conception that Asian males aren't too attractive. and most asians i know would rather date someone who's white. well...actually no, in my school, it seems like all of the 3 (haha) upperclassmen asians have liked me at some point. i doubt that that's because i'm asian though...Anyways, most asian guys - not including my school - would much rather date white girls just bc they've had it drilled into them by american society that the blonde hair, blue eyed girl is the ideal form of beauty. that they do date asians is probably because of other reasons, not their asianness.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>well thats probably because in 10 or 15 years, the asian nerd in your high school will have the highest salary out of anyone.</p>

7

<p>I strongly recommend to look at the birth statistics in China. :D
They have way too more boys than girls, and in the future all these boys would have to find a wife outside the Chinese community if they want to have a family.</p>

<p>I am from a half Asian country. Over there if you want to date an Asian guy, make sure his parents like you.</p>

<p>"well thats probably because in 10 or 15 years, the asian nerd in your high school will have the highest salary out of anyone."</p>

<p>My best friend's husband, who is American Japanese, complains that it's very difficult to be promoted and make career if you are Asian.</p>

8

<p>"Sometimes they even seem racist. Despite being fluent in English, they speak Chinese to each other front of me, make comments about people in Chinese right in the middle of classes and sometimes make racial comments about how "white people are stupid", or how they'd never date a white girl, etc. etc. "</p>

<p>Why would you want to be friends with and/or date someone who you think is racist or is that disrespectful and close minded?</p>

9

<p>Sometimes my asian friends who speak perfect english, still speak chinese among themselves in front of me. i don't know why is that, maybe bacause they do not realize they are doing it.</p>

<p>i speak 2 languages as well, but if there is a person in a group who doesn't understand my native language, i try to speak english with the other members of a group.</p>

<p>Overall i have a lot of asian friends who a very nice and good.</p>

10

<p>Hmm, I mean it depends on where you live. I live in the esat coast and we get along with the white folks just fine. I am an Asian male btw. </p>

<p>There are two kind of Asians----</p>

<ol>
<li>FOBs and 2. Americanies. </li>
</ol>

<p>The latter is the kind that you want to date. The former has no interest in you. </p>

<p>Ben.</p>

11

<p>Man, I hope you're hot. Asian just like each other because sometime we can't relate to white people on certain issues. Our parents are more strict about our being out late into the night and thus we don't go to as many parties and such(other than if we sneak). In general, there is a certain cultural barrier between asians and whiteys. However, I've dated only white girls because I've found parents to be really crazy and close-minded about dating. </p>

<p>Also, call me. ;)</p>

12

<p>Damn, why can't there be girls like you at my school? Oh right, that's because I go to an all guys school. ^&$)*.</p>

<p>Wanna break the cultural barrier? Sit with them at lunch and pretend like it's nothing.</p>

<p>B_B has a point, though I wouldn't be as blunt. Those who are international students, or those who recently came to America probably feel more comfortable with their fellow Asians. Those, like me, who have lived in America all (or most) of their lives probably don't care too much about race.</p>

13

<p>Actually, it's funny, the asians I know who actually moved from China or Japan and do have some small problems speaking English are the most willing to be friends with people from other cultures/ethnicities. Everyone I've described in this post was either born here, or moved here when they were very young (5 years or something.) So it's definetly not a problem of language skills, they speak English just as well as I can. I live in San Francisco and there's a huge asian population, so maybe that has something to do with it.</p>

14

<p>Yeah, I have noticed that when there are more asians (or more of any group that is still a minority) they tend to be more cliquey.</p>

15

<p>Also, asian guys, especially FOBs don't pay attention to girls as much and are rather shy or inexperienced when it comes to talking with white girls whom many consider to be loud and obnoxious. Asian girls in general are more introverted, especially the FOBs, well that goes back to the cultural differences. Asian guys also prefer their video games and schoolwork to women, from whet I've seen. </p>

<p>In general, I dunno, there are plenty of asian guys out there who would date whites girls, such as myself, but really you shouldn't be trying to focus on any one type of guy, I'm sure a nice asian guy will show up one day and sweep you off your feet. In the meantime just try and talk to some of the asian guys and see which are friendlier than others and then try and get them to ask you out. </p>

<p>But most asian guys don't like the constant attention from girls, they'd rather havea g irl ask them out. So seriously, try and do that, it just might work.</p>

16

<p>o.o What's wrong with Anime hhhhmmm??? [hugs] Don't worry about them. I'm in the same situation as you even I am Asian. >/ International students at my school would be like "You pronounce this word wrong!" >P It annoys me so I would say that's how "the North pronounce it and deal with it!" :] Yea I know it's mean but hey at least they stop saying I pronounce the words wrong when it is right in different parts of the country. I agreed with meestasi! :] However, not all Asian guys like play video games and do schoolwork. For an example [coughs]my brother [coughs]. :] Just be funny and you will be better pals I guess. Oh and the reason some Asian people talk in their own language is because it's quicker to communicate. :P</p>

17

<p>blawned: I think you're right that I should just forget about these people and move on. Normally I wouldn't even notice that my friend was a different color than me, but these kids talk about their ethnicity/China whatever so much, I'm almost forced to. I'm sure that there are many asians who don't act like the kids at my school(they ALL act like this at my school). However, considering the huge asian population where I live/where I want to go to school, I'd like to know how to navigate this "barrier" should I come across it again. </p>

<p>psychicspiesfromchina: I also speak a second langauge fluently, and there are people in my grade who speak the same language, so I do know. I don't speak my language (I'm being vague just in case someone from my area recognizes me on these boards) in the middle of class to make rude comments about people who don't understand it, because I was always taught (and still think) that it is rude. If I'm with someone who speaks English, and someone who speaks my language, it's simply not polite to speak my language (unless I need to translate something) because the English speaker won't understand it and will probably feel excluded. </p>

<p>As for the liking people who are of your same culture, I suppose I can understand that because I am a European immigrant and a jew as well and there is a strong jewish community here. I think that's totally fine as long as you are open to people outside your culture too.</p>

<p>Why do I like asian guys? I'm not really sure. I like asian people in general because the values I was brought up with are very similar to their's (work hard, no partying, etc). Most asian guys I've met simply share similar values and like talking about things other than drugs/sex/partying. I also think they're really cute too. ^^; Most asian guys I've met are nicer/ more friendly and than most guys I know, so maybe that has to do with it too. :)</p>

18

<p>im asian and i would pick white girls over asian girls anyday
why? BECAUSE WHITE GIRLS ARE HOT</p>

19

<p>No More Threads About Asian People Please Loll!!!!</p>

20

<p>=] Yea White girls are hot. :] I think Black Girls or a little bit Latina mix are hotter. :] In my opinion. xD</p>