Being introverted doesn’t make it hard to make friends. Common misconception.
Perhaps a bit of both, @doschicos . She said she had been thinking of this other major in the summer, but of course it was too late. So she didn’t dwell on it. I suspect now she has been thinking more about it as a means of escape. The other driver is that she visited the other college she is thinking of transferring to recently, and liked it. They offer both majors she is interested in studying.
We have told her no decisions will be made until Thanksgiving break, and she reminded me that is soon. BTW, she is not totally convinced that transferring out is the right thing to do. She was thinking of maybe moving to a different dorm, of starting new clubs in the new semester, that maybe new classes would be good for meeting new kids. I am aware though that the next tuition payment is due in less than a month. It all merits a lot of consideration and rational decision making.
And btw @doschicos , she does have genuine interest in the new major. But it is possibly one of the most useless majors going (linguistics), and I did say that she really needs to double major if she chooses that course. She needs a job at the end of it all:-)
@itsgettingreal17, an introvert would generally choose alone time to regenerate. Hence, for example, when making a decision whether to go to a club meeting in the evening or doing something less social, the introvert is a lot more likely to pick the less social activity. Being social is work for an introvert. And a stressed and tired person is going to be tempted to take their natural path to regenerate.
I am an introvert, my D2 is one, and D1 is an extrovert. D1 would find it to be the most fun and relaxing to socialize. D2 and I both have to force ourselves more. We CAN socialize, although not with the same grace & joy an extrovert brings to it. So friends do follow to an extent from that. My extrovert makes a friend in 5 minutes wherever she goes. D2 and I – we consider it a good year if we make 2 solid friendships in the course of a year.
Personally, I think I’d want my child to stick it out for a year but I’m not the one facing all the unhappy phone calls so I can commiserate with the difficulty of the decision.
What would she want to do until next fall if she left at the end of the semester? What is the caliber of the school she is considering? Is it of the same academic rigor? Would she face hurdles getting accepted as a transfer or financial hurdles if she is currently receiving any FA at Bates?
Sure, introverts can make friends but it is more of a challenge than it is for extroverts IMO.
@mrpractical, there was a thread last fall, much earlier in the fall, with postings by a father who had a daughter who was not adjusting at all to the school she was enrolled in. It was a heart wrenching process and he got a lot of the same great advice that is being given here to you, but ultimately he went with his gut and ended up taking his daughter out of school. The timing did allow them to get some of their money back too. I wish I could find the thread so that you could read through his process and reasoning. I do recall it was very painful, and then the daughter was home after only a few short weeks of trying her college and they as a family had to regroup as to next steps.
Anyway, I guess my point is that all the advice is really good here, but ultimately you are the one who is going to have to help your kid live with her choices and deal with the impact on you and the rest of your family. It will end up being a balance between what your heart, gut, and head is telling you to do. And, no matter which way you go, there is going to be some pain involved. There is no easy solution, but it all comes with great potential for growth and learning, no matter what your daughter and you end up choosing.
Tough decision and so much to sort through. First she needs to ask herself, if apart from the friend issue, does she ‘like’ the school? Does she like the culture, does it seem like an academic fit, does she enjoy the classes, does the vibe gel with her values? If those answers are no, maybe she is on to something about transferring. On the friend issue, we all know many kids, who are homesick first semester or take a long time to acclimate. Thinking about that, a lot of these kids miss their hs friends, miss the comforts of home, feel a bit of social pressure, BUT they do have ‘initial’ friends to eat with or hang with, they are just not convinced they are ‘as good’ as their friends from home. Your D seems to not have that ‘initial’ group. Has she been exposed to enough kids in her classes, orientation group, clubs etc., to get the feeling that the majority of kids she is meeting are ‘not her kind of people’? If the answer to that is yes, again maybe she is on to something. She does go to a small school, so it is a consideration that maybe there are not enough kids for her to find her group. Then again, it is a small school, with small classes, and small dorms, so has she met enough people thru those interactions to know ‘her people’ are not there?
Ultimately - you know your D best. So trust your instincts. I know your D had a lot of great choices and it was hard for her to make a decision. There is no shame in admitting you made the wrong choice. (Or maybe she made a good choice, but ended up with a sub-optimal group of classmates, which can happen in a small school)
Very good questions @wisteria100 , and I am going to have her read your post and give herself honest answers. She did say today that she keeps meeting a lot of people she thinks she could be good friends with, and that she doesn’t know why it hasn’t happened. Part of it has been bad luck, part of it hasn’t. Those of you who have read my earlier post on ditching the mean girls will be familiar. She stuck around with them too long, and it has been hard to recover. My gut says she needs to give it more time, but it’s not me who is going through it, though it feels like it sometimes.
My hunch is that she should start the wheels turning on transferring, but stick it out for that second semester. That way she owns her options. Spring is very different from fall.