Being admitted to college doesn’t mean a student is ready for it. Parents can encourage kids to step up their levels of personal responsibility while still in high school.
https://www.nytimes.com/2018/07/26/well/how-to-help-a-teenager-be-college-ready.html
In my experience it takes a bit longer to achieve all that is described in the article. It’s a process, not an event. Life is complicated and I think this psychologist has expectations that are a bit too high honestly.
It does sound kind of simplistic or reductionist. But as the mom of just one kid who just graduated this past spring and as one who can’t always remember the high school years (lots going on with my dd’s life and with mine too!), I thought it might be helpful to some.
When kids were in early teens, they would ask me for permission to go to this or that event. I always told them that it sounded like fun but I needed them to list what they had to get done that weekend/week so we could see if it would work out. It made them prioritize and helped me avoid being the bad guy. Both my kids have excellent time management skills now.
Well two of my kids have serious health issues, including type 1 diabetes,. \so that does complicate the picture. It I a lot to ask an 18 year-old , to start college and manage multiple prescriptions when forgetting one could threaten health within hours, orderi supplies, make specialist appointments or deal with insurance issues- along with school work and managing blood sugars 24/7/365. So my viewpoint may be a little different from others. Ten years later and I am still helping at times.
My DD is always asking me what to say on the phone to doctors and the like…I think she is makign progress…last time she wrote it out and just asked for my thoughts on it
I don’t think the article describes anything that is unreasonable for kids who do not have high medical responsibilities. Sometimes the kids need guidance making appointments, filling our forms or managing their workload but they should be doing it with guidance rather than having their parents doing it for them. Failure to raise independent kids is the single most important factor in failing in college.
I liked the article, mostly because it aligned with how I raised my kids.
Just this morning my oldest called me with questions on setting up a new primary care provider. He’s figuring out how to determine whether the provider is covered on our insurance (he’s in PA and we are on the west coast.) It’s an ongoing learning process- when they were in high school I made them make their own dr and dentist appointments but those were with established offices. Now that they are away at college they need to work through these issues more thoroughly.
@oldmom4896 Thank you for posting. I think some of us need reminders about this issue
@TexasCollegeMom I like your approach
As a parent my number goal is to raise children that can be independent members of society and support themselves. Sure I want them to be outstanding in school, sports or activities, but that is not the main goal. I have always told them as long as they can support themselves after school that I will be happy with that.
I do believe it is a process and it starts early. I can remember when my D swam club. I was the swim parent. Many mornings we would leave the house before 6:00AM for a meet. I would tell D that if I am not out of my bedroom by say 5:45AM to leave by 6:00AM come wake me up. She one the other hand needed to get up before that to finish packing her bag and food and drink, etc. I never woke up early to make sure she was up. That was her responsibility. I frankly wanted to sleep as long as possible. I knew parents that would pack the bags, suits, food, and drink for their children.
That early development served her well last Summer when she ended up with 3 P/T jobs and had to keep all the schedules straight and show up on time where she was suppose to be. Then that led to handling a bank account herself as well.
She isn’t ready to be out on her own yet, but definitely making progress.
@gpo613 Swimmer here. My mom made sure I got my license the day I turned 16. From then on, I owned getting myself up at 4:40 AM M-F and 5:25 AM on Saturdays. Boy I don’t miss doing that!
till the day they graduate and work in real world, see if they are on their phone during work hours. need colleague to babysit them or never take initiate to ask for more work, work ethics is not in their dictionary. Someone then writes an article “How to help a new grad be workplace ready”. LOL
Why would parents ask a psychologist if their child is ready for college? Perhaps it is the parent who is not ready to let go.
I do think there are parents who do everything for their child and then wonder why the child can’t manage doing laundry once a week or can’t figure out what to do when they run low on toothpaste, but those things can still be managed by the parent from afar. Being away at college can be no more difficult than going away to summer camp - meals are provided, activities scheduled, laundry done by others.
I agree that kids should start taking on responsibilities at an earlier age. My kids did their laundry from age 10 (with mixed results), could make a meal and get it on the table, turn in homework and not miss class on their own. They picked up more skills up until they went to college, and even then kept learning. Did they know how health insurance worked? Not really, but they are getting better at it now. They each make their own dentist appointments because it is more convenient for them to know their schedules. When one started a new job, she called me to ask which coverages she should take. I didn’t find that to be too childish or dependent, but just asking for advice from someone who knew her health history and needs. She could have done it like I did when I had my first job with benefits- guessed.
One area where I did baby my kids was financially. I did all the financial aid stuff, and I’ve done all the taxes because the AOTC and taxes on scholarship depend on my return. This year I will help the independent child do hers and then she should be good to go. The other is still a dependent and I’m thinking I’ll be doing her taxes for years because she’s not a math person. This was the first year my friends did their own taxes and it was only because the FIL is getting too old to do them. FIL is in his 90’s, and my friends in their 60’s. First year doing their own taxes even though it is mostly cut and paste from prior years.