<p>"Take a deep breath -- it will be okay, we're going to take good care of them."</p>
<p>As the new school year gets closer, both students and parents may grow anxious and nervous. Stepping into the unknown isn't only scary for students. Parents have to adjust to the fact that they won't be able to look after their children as closely anymore. It may be difficult to let go at first, but these tips offer some help on how to help make sure your child's transition is as fulfilling as possible.</p>
<p>My twin Ds are heading off in a couple of weeks, different schools. I am trying very hard to not show them just how much I will miss them when they are gone. I am not anxious about them fitting in, but it will be reassuring to hear that they are happy. We are planning on having them text once a week and call once a week for the first semester. </p>
<p>Sorry but this doesnt seem to be giving me any advice. It is written by a college counselor as ways to make his life easier and brag about how competent he is in his job. </p>
<p>My favorite is #4, supposed about how parents should give advice, details how great his advice has been. </p>
<p>I liked both articles. But it still missed some key points.</p>
<ol>
<li><p>What is “too much” alcohol and even if you don’t drink it to that level yourself, what is too much for your roommate or the guy down the hall? When two girls tell you they drank over half a bottle of vodka between them…that is frightening. I had no idea I should have called my RA about them. Thank goodness they lived.</p></li>
<li><p>Mononucleosis or “mono.” Super common in college. I had no clue what my problem was. Fortunately one friend knew. The key is to figure out that you have it before you start failing classes. Student health centers are used to it and your advisor can help go to bat for you. For those who have a particularly bad case, take some incompletes rather than dropping too many classes, or you may get your financial aid package screwed up.</p></li>
<li><p>Meningitis. Instead of helicopter parenting, get your kid an immunization. As i understand, it won’t protect from all strains, but lower your odds if you can. Your kid should understand the symptoms. </p></li>
</ol>
<p>We have learned the hard way in the past few weeks how important it is that your kid takes and doesn’t lose their health insurance card. Also, know how to search for doctors, hospitals, and dentists in your healthcare network near their school (look it up and bookmark it, you won’t want to hunt around when you need it).</p>
<p>good advice. I think we’re cool on the contact and hovering stuff, but I forwarded the info about “makeup grades” and “read the syllabus” to my about-to-be freshman kid. </p>
<p>One thought that helped me when my kids were college newbies was to remember that they are often on an emotional roller coaster – especially in the first semester. When their coaster was at a low, they would call with a horrible problem. I would try to give some advice “options” and lose sleep worrying about them. Then after not hearing from them for a day or two, I’d text them to see if they were surviving. Usually I would hear that the problem was easily resolved (sometimes resolved with my advice, sometimes not). </p>
<p>Even now, with a 20-year old D and a 23-year old S, I still get occasionally get calls with “everything is horrible” or “I just got an A.” Rarely with the report that “everything is fine,” or never with “I went to a fantastic party last night.” The nice thing is – the coaster has flattened out for my older one. </p>
<p>In fact one time when I texted to remind my son that he owed me his weekly call, he said he had not called because he had not had any problems :). </p>
<p>I don’t know . . . I read these articles and wonder, who ARE these kids who don’t know how to manage their time, turn off their phones, get enough sleep, or do their own laundry? How many high school graduates have really not dealt with drunken peers and the presence of alcohol and drugs at parties? </p>
<p>I know I’m going to miss my daughter terribly, but I assume she will answer my texts when she has the time, turn off her phone in class, and let me know if she’s too busy to chat. She does this already.</p>
<p>I realize some kids are more independent than others, but these articles always make it sound like the majority of 18-year-olds are sheltered idiots with hysterical parents. Really? Are these the same kids who manage 8 or 9 AP classes in high school? I suspect the bitching teachers and counselors of generalizing from the worst cases, which are probably a small minority.</p>
<p>I don’t know… A bunch of AP classes is clearly not “life”. I can’t tell you how many of my D’s middle class friends are going off to college never having held a job or even learned to drive. And the stakes feel higher now than when I was in college. We didn’t have the expensive electronics to keep track of, no one ever heard of identity theft and no one was shoving a credit card down my throat. Kids seem both more mature and less prepared for even the protected world of college than they once were. And parents do in fact often have trouble letting their kids take care of their issues at school. I see a lot of kids who are totally pampered like hot house flowers because they “work so hard” at those 8 or 9 ap classes that they can’t actually do anything else. I say this as a college professor. </p>
<p>Managing time, turning off phones, and getting enough sleep are essential skills that students need to know before they go to college. Doing laundry can be taught in fifteen minutes, so it’s easy enough to prepare students for that. We are fairly demanding parents when it comes to personal responsibility, independence, and behavior, so our children have been well-prepared for college living. However, as responsible parents, we wouldn’t have allowed them to go to parties where drugs and alcohol were possibly going to be present. Most of their social activities involved either church youth group functions, school clubs and sports, and visits with friends whose parents shared our values. Consequently, they have sought out the same kinds of positive social activities in college and have avoided the drinking scene. </p>
<p>So, I think you are talking about two different things.</p>
<p>DD is finishing up her summer program at the college where she will be matriculating later this month. I received a semi frantic text from her early yesterday morning saying that $XYZ was due yesterday. Which was clearly a mistake because I had been on the phone with the FA office several times, I also stopped in to have a quick face to face chat at the end of June. I was all set to call them and ask about the email that they sent DD. I stopped myself and suggested that dd call them to ask if it was sent erroneously. Well she finally texted me at 12am to say that yes, it was a mistake. Lol. She deserves an A+ for calling them & handling it on her own, but a D for not updating me for 12+ hours. Stepping back and learning to keep my fix it tools in their belt have been difficult. Letting go is making me pretty sad. </p>
<p>Can’t we rewind back to the first day of kindergarten? Lol</p>
<p>She popped in for a few things tonight. I dropped her back at her dorm, she was dropping her valuables off. Then she was walking over to Casa Latina(I think that’s what its called) for a party. She insisted on walking. I wanted to take her. Letting go is so hard. Especially when it’s the last one.</p>
<p>If you have an HMO, you probably won’t be able to find any in network doctors if your child goes OOS. Often the school offers supplemental insurance. My D’s school was $800 a semester though. Check with your insurance company. For minor illnesses, my D used the school health center and it was good. For emergencies, be sure that your HMO covers the ER. Be sure to schedule any routine check ups, dental visits, eye exams etc. in summer or over Christmas vacation. Schedule early! They book up.
If they really need a doctor, and can’t get home, be prepared to pay cash. My D got referrals from her friends that lived in her college’s city.</p>
<p>There are all types of kids and parents. And taking 9 AP’s is not as hard as going away to college. Parents micromanage the classes, and grades and teacher conferences in HS.
My daughter was stunned in college that:
so many kids had never run a washing machine
so many kids drank to the point of poisoning and so many others were reluctant to call for medical help.
many parents were always there to help move in, move out, decorate their dorm rooms, go through sorority rush etc.</p>
<p>But, for the most part, it was a wonderful experience of growth and learning. The kids were really awesome.</p>
<p>My advice for senior year and summer is to really push your kids to do things for themselves - go to the doctor and fill their own prescriptions, get through an airport, cook some basic meals, send packages via Fedex, pay their own parking tickets, go to a dry cleaner, make a bed, tie a tie.</p>
Also, know how to search for doctors, hospitals, and dentists in your healthcare network near their school (look it up and bookmark it, you won’t want to hunt around when you need it).</p>