<p>Here is my essay for the May SAT -- yes, I know I only have one example; I did come up with another example, but I was short on time and knew I couldn't finish it. Anyway, I got a 7. Can you guys please give me some advice on how to fix my writing? </p>
<p>I know it's bad, but please try not to laugh at it.</p>
<p>Prompt: Is it best to determine how wise people are by how happy they are?</p>
<p>Essay:</p>
<p>It is not best to determine how wise someone is based on how happy he or she is. Happiness is an emotion whereas being wise is a trait that is acquired from experience. There have been many occasions (I know I only had one example) where people had to make wise decisions even though it was difficult for them to do so.
In the Harry Potter novel series, Severus Snape, the Potions master at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, was a misunderstood character throughout the story. In the first books, he is portrayed as a cantankerous teacher who despises Harry Potter, the main protagonist. Then, in the sixth installment of the series, Snape is revealed to be a member of the Death Eaters, an evil group of wizards that serve as followers to the main antagonist, Lord Voldemort. Furthermore, Snape mercilessly assassinates Professor Dumbledore, one of the most influential people in the wizarding world and Harry's favorite teacher. After the incident, Harry and his friends hated Snape for his misdeeds. However, at the end of the story, Harry discovers that Snape had been an undercover spy for Dumble dore in order to gather intelligence on Lord Voldemort, and that it was necessary for Dumbledore to die, so Snape could maintain Lord Voldemort's trust in him. In the end, Snape truly cared for the students and staff at Hogwarts by doing the right thing even though he did not want to harm Harry or Dumbledore.
Being wise does not have anything to do with happiness, as seen in Snape's case. Wiseness is by definition the ability to do what is morally just (don't know why I wrote this, but it was most likely because of the time constraint). In life there are always two solutions to a problem--the easy way and the hard way. The easy way may appear better, but it is much more wise to take the hard one.</p>
<p>Btw, I tried to use the "How to get a 12 Essay in 10 Days" method, so if there's any discrepancy between my essay and the method? Thanks guys.</p>
<p>THESIS THESIS THESIS</p>
<p>Make sure that you have an EXPLICITLY stated thesis, and that it hints to your essay… NOT JUST A RESTATEMENT OF THE PROMPT. fixing that alone may help bring a point back.</p>
<p>Also - I hate to say this - but length. A few years ago, a MIT Professor plotted essay lengths with scores and it showed that the longer the essay, the better the score. Do your best to fill out the space, but try to avoid filibustering and restating your point 20 times…</p>
<p>Last, try to make it more structured. Preferably in a intro, body, and conclusion format, where each body supports one point of the thesis. </p>
<p>Good luck</p>
<p>Where did Happy go? How happy = how wise ? Don’t think you answered the prompt. You could have dispensed with happy if your answer is no it is not best . . . Then you’d need to say what else best determines how wise . . .</p>
<p>@777flyr Yeah, I saw that study. It was something like, “90% of essays longer than 400 words scored a 12.” It’s just that I’m an extremely slow writer. I know I have to work on that.</p>
<p>Also, could you please give me an example of an “explicitly stated thesis?” Thanks for your quick response.</p>
<p>@JAMCAFE I see what you mean. I probably wasn’t thinking about it because I literally had seconds to finish my essay (if you couldn’t tell, I’m a really slow writer).</p>
<p>Any tips on writing the essay faster? If I had gotten at least a 9, then I would have broken 700 in writing.</p>
<p>well I got a 12 on my essay. </p>
<p>It seems like you’re rambling on about this one example, telling too much background, before you actually get to the point of how the example relates to your thesis (which, as stated above, must be very clear, and not just a restatement). By simply cutting down the background, you can prove your thesis quicker and easier, and have more time to write about another example.
It’s also good to have 3 examples, if you really want an 11 or 12. If you’re having trouble thinking of examples in the short time, as many people do, an easy solution is to come up with a variety of examples beforehand. I advise to think of about 6 (25 is way too much, and it’s hard to remember that many). Another strategy for thinking of examples in the short time is simply to make them up. That’s what I did, and it got me a 12. I used a real event as background, then focused in on a made up person, which I could mold to any topic (like using a real battle, then focusing on a fake general). For example, for this prompt, I can easily create an example… “(background info. on the war)…One of the generals of the emperor’s army was a man named Xiang Tzu. He never wanted control of an army. In fact, he hated everyone; he was the most unhappy person in the world. But that did not stop him from being wise. Though people feared him, and the wrath he would bring if made even more unhappy, they still flocked to him because he was so wise. He was like a blackhole. An especially “unhappy” item, that could create great distruction, but still an item that attracts everyone. It was because of this wiseness, that he eventually won the war. He wiseness allowed him to see the weakness in his enemy, and therefore to strike, defeating them, and regaining the emperor’s land. He was a hero - the unhappiest hero to ever live. As can be seen by this example, happiness is by no means, a way to determine wiseness.” </p>
<p>Obviously that example is not perfect, but it took me less than 3 minutes to write, and I think, it could prove a thesis pretty well.</p>
<p>If you want to see how I utilized this tactic in my real essay, then its on the 10th page of this forum: <a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/sat-preparation/409070-sample-sat-12-essays.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/sat-preparation/409070-sample-sat-12-essays.html</a></p>
<p>@satman1111 Wow, that must be the best advice I’ve ever heard concerning the SAT essay. It actually seems like it would work for a bad writer such as myself. I just have two questions though:</p>
<p>1) Does this method work most of the time?
2) Is it okay to fudge all the examples?</p>
<p>Thanks, you’ve been a huge help!</p>
<p>@yakisoba
1.)obviously, there will be prompts where it is almost impossible to create fake examples, which is why it’s good to have a couple of real examples in your head just in case. But most of the time, it works.
2.) I’m sure you probably could make up all the examples and still get a good score, but it may be good to include a literature example as well. Not only does it show to the readers that you are a well-rounded student for being able to pull literature knowledge out of your head in that short 25 minutes, but also, if you have a pretty good knowledge of literature, it should be pretty easy to think of a theme in one book that relates to the topic.</p>
<p>@satman1111 Thanks, I’ll definitely use your strategy in the future.</p>
<p>@ursawarrior Great compilation! That really helped me get a better idea of how SAT essays should be.</p>
<p>It’s weird that you got a 7… one of the grades thought your essay was adequate (4) and the other thought it was inadequate/still needs to be developed (3)</p>
<p>@College123college yeah, it is a weird score. But, the Collegeboard says that the essay scores have to be at maximum a 1-point difference from each other.</p>