<p>Count yourself lucky!
I have to watch myself not to let the younger kid get away with stuff - it’s hard sometimes not to always see her as “the baby” no matter how old she is!</p>
<p>If you are a sibling or cousin, it is unclear why this is on your shoulders.</p>
<p>If these younger students love X-Box, maybe there is some area of technology they might enjoy studying, or even graphic design. Perhaps there is a course or volunteering or job they could do that might inspire interest.</p>
<p>Taking X-Box away might help, yes.</p>
<p>Perhaps they will end up doing vocational courses at community college: not the worst thing in the world.</p>
<p>You yourself cannot inspire motivation. You (or the parents) can only remove obstacles to motivation (x-box) and try to help them encounter things that can motivate (activities outside of school?). </p>
<p>In the meantime, good luck with college and I hope you can stop worrying about this (let your parents know this is weighing you down).</p>
<p>You have asked a question that has been asked and studied for years. What motivates someone?</p>
<p>There have been some interesting studies on how to motivate others. You can google around and read some different ideas.</p>
<p>One idea that seems comsistent with many is to understand the other persons values. You can then motivate them through their values rather than yours. So what does this person value?</p>
<p>Money? Creativity? Altruism? Challenge? Group success? individual success? Etc…</p>
<p>It is very interesting and can help you learn quite a bit about how to work with others. You can use the information you learn to help understand people who surround you both at school and at work.</p>
<p>So google around. Read some studies. </p>
<p>It is very thoughtful of you to care. You value others success. Interesting, huh.</p>
<p>Well, you can talk to the student about career goals. If the student mentions a career that requires a good education, you can start with that.</p>
<p>If the student has no idea of a career goal, then you can ask about likes and strengths and make some suggestions.</p>
<p>We’ve decided that there is nothing my husband and I can do to motivate our 19-year-old son. He has said he has no interest in college - he wants to work for Christian relief organizations overseas. So we had a friend over who is in the States on a break from doing that type of work in Singapore. He told our son that you really need to have a college degree to work overseas, or the locals won’t respect you. All of a sudden, our son is expressing interest in colleges! I never thought I would see him doing that. So I guess there is a way to motivate most people - it can just be hard to find out what it is!</p>
<p>Too late to edit the above…</p>
<p>I would take the student to a nearby beautiful campus. I wouldn’t focus too much on the academic aspect, but let them picture themselves in such a surroundings. Then discuss what it takes to get there.</p>
<p>Maybe you just can inculcate learning by taking them on fun outings to museums and historical sites and things of that nature – see if anything sparks – maybe they are sparked by dinosaurs, or outer space, or the Civil War, or whatever, and that can be a jumping off point.</p>
<p>But I would be careful about doing so in a very heavy handed way. It may backfire. </p>
<p>Get them a job. Have them work beside people who aren’t educated, and depend on the job for their living. It usually has a positive effect on peoples motivation. </p>
<p>When people are young, they often have some vague idea of some magical alternative to the standard lifestyle. Get them a head start on taking a little trial or two of those situations so they can see what they’re asking for.</p>
<p>Also, sometimes people are afraid of the competition that is involved in life. Try to build them up. Don’t send a message that they are lazy good-for-nothing bums. Even if that is what they seem to be, sometimes having it implied to you repeatedly causes people to start to believe it about themselves. When that happens, hope for the future dies, and when that happens, energy and initiative dies and there is a downward spiral that is difficult to rectify. </p>
<p>This can be a tough nut to crack. Parents can value education, and take everything away, and still the grades are what they are. I agree, XBox should go. They don’t know what they are missing when they are stuck behind a console. Though, I would ask what they like so much about XBox. Maybe they have ideas for their own games, or how to improve the games they play. Thinking of a story for a game is a start. </p>
<p>Also, if I had a kid who did absolutely nothing, I would probably sign them up for some community work, like Habitat for Humanity. There are many great opportunities that can help kids figure out what sparks their interest. Maybe I would tie XBox use to community service. </p>
<p>@mom2collegekids @Pizzagirl
This is exactly what I did with my siblings. I took them to visit the UMichigan campus and they seemed to be awestruck by the university atmosphere & building architecture. Ever since then, they have been reading more and playing less. I hope this continues into the school year.</p>
<p>@dadx
All of them have been babied in the sense that they haven’t seen the real world in that way; they’ve attended private schools their entire lives. I have considered this idea and offered it to my parents. However, it has been put on the side for now.</p>
<p>It’s funny, I was looking on craigslist today and there was a job posting that said “Do you love video games?” It was a position deicing airplanes, which involves using a joystick!</p>
<p>GIVE THE CHILD A MOTIVATION.</p>
<p>EX. (Get at least 3 A’s on your report card and u get brand new speakers)</p>
<p>At a high school level, I don’t think you can motivate someone who does not want to be motivated. As a family, I do think there are things you can do to inspire motivation: exposing kids to varying learning experiences including things that you, as a parent may not find interesting but which may appeal to your kids; prioritizing activities and making education a top priority; encouraging them to explore new ideas and concepts, etc. I have a friend who constantly complains to me that her kids are not motivated and will barely graduate from high school. I have quit listening or making suggestions. I have watched over the years as she complains they refuse to start their homework at 9:00 at night after going surfing after school, she never follows up with teachers when the kids are having issues, she makes sports a priority (and yet usually her kids grades are too low for them to participate in sports). I just don’t get it. I also get frustrated with parents who let their kids play hours of video games or watch never-ending TV. </p>
<p>On the other hand, our oldest son never liked school and was not motivated about it, even though he is very bright and extremely creative and hands-on. He was always in the garage building things. He hated reading traditional literature, but always had his nose in tech manuals and science and technology magazines. He graduated from high school and just sort of wandered between part time school and jobs, while we did everything we could to encourage him without alienating him. He was always in demand by certain employers, as he can build anything:special tools, custom car parts, etc. He told us he could never work in a traditional job in an office. He finally found his place in Construction Management,got his degree, and has been fortunate to have found Project Management jobs where he is on a large job site doing everything imaginalble. He is one of the most motivated people I know, but not in the “traditional” sense. Not every kid enjoys or is motivated by the traditional education and I think most of us need to make sure we don’t rule out different experiences for different kids. </p>
<p>Praise, rewards, and other external motivators may be okay in the short term but can have the opposite effect in the long term.</p>
<p>Eh. Our oldest is a rocket scientist. School was as easy as falling out of bed. I have no idea if she was motivated so much as it was nothing to her. But she’s got a great job in the arts and loves to work. Youngest, she despised sitting still. Still does. We bribed her, unashamedly. No regrets. She loves college and needs no more “incentives”. </p>
<p>It sounds like parenting the oldest child well, then thought the others will follow oldest student example?</p>
<p>There are many students that are not applying themselves in elementary, middle, HS. Then they are in a college env’t and surprise, they can’t cut it.</p>
<p>As an older sibling going through the same exact thing, I echo your frustration and to a degree, embarrassment. Birth order plays a large part, I think. The oldest typically has all the attention of adults during early childhood development. see: marshmallow experiment. I subscribe to the belief that most of the creating of an ambitious kid is done from age 0-5, perhaps 0-7. If that wasn’t done it’s exponentially more challenging to turn an unfit kid into a gunner.</p>
<p>You can’t turn back time, or delegate how your parents should parent. I give my parents amazing advice and they give me the lip service, but rarely follow through with it. They absolutely allow my younger sibling to be lazy. Why? Well, if your parents are professionals they might not have the energy or care. My parents’ apathy is hard to watch, but over the past year I’ve realized there’s nothing I can do anymore. I’ve talked to friends who have a similar family dynamic, and they say there is zero doubt that their parents began giving up, i.e. throwing in the towel, on siblings around 13 to 15-years-old. If you don’t parent correctly from 0-5, course correction is a full time job. Sending the child to a regional commuter or a state party school is better than the aggravation or constant prodding from 13 to 18 years-old.</p>
<p>Mark Twain said it best.</p>
<p>" When I was a boy of14 my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished by how much he had learned in 7 years."</p>
<p>Sax, one of the very very few quotes my old brain can remember! A gem. :)</p>
<p>@rebecca17
None of them have given up. Disappointment is a result of expectation. I don’t think any of my parents, or aunts and uncles would be disappointed if they had given up. They want whats best in their own eyes for their children, which isn’t mediocre academic performance.</p>
<p>@sax
That is very powerful! It succinctly describes an ubiquitous truth. 'Tis truly brilliant.</p>