<p>@WolverineTrader Of course they’re disappointed. And of course they’ll give you lip service they wish things were different. But putting the kind of effort needed to course correct a child as you describe is a full-time job. I assure you they don’t have it in them.</p>
<p>The evidence for Mark Twain having made that quote is rather weak, it seems.</p>
<p><a href=“When I Was a Boy of Fourteen, My Father Was So Ignorant – Quote Investigator®”>http://quoteinvestigator.com/2010/10/10/twain-father/</a></p>
<p>@wolverine trader,
First of all, birth order and gender do play a part in pressure to succeed; parental pressure and expectation on the 1st child will often become internalized pressure by the 1st child. And yes, once they are past some moldable stage (maybe elementary school?), it seems very difficult to influence this pressure to succeed in a child. (If you look carefully within yourself, what drives YOUR motivation to succeed may be the desire to please your parents, rather than true self motivation). As for true self-motivation, that seems to come from within. Can it be influenced by positive and negative reinforcement? Probably. Additionally, with birth order, maybe kid #2 does not want to compete with kid #1 in the areas that kid #1 is perceived to be good at, such as HS grades. Maybe kid #2 wants/needs to differentiate themselves from kid #1. </p>
<p>I don’t have any good answers, but for my ADHD-inattentive son who can be addicted to video games, I basically force sign him up for various extracurricular activities and the ones that he ends up enjoying then he continues and it keeps him excited and engaged. He just does not like the 5 core HS subjects very much. He likes working harder for things that he enjoys. Bribing with money does not work for my son. Every child is different. However, if you ever find the answer on how to motivate someone who is unmotivated, please post it and I’ll definitely try it on my son. </p>
<p>‘Course correction’ doesn’t have to take a lot of time or energy - by knowing the kid and their “change” (what is important to them).</p>
<p>A parent is not obligated to send a kid to college that isn’t working at HS - mediocre results. Maybe can motivate by offering a local CC and with good grades and effort, send away school. </p>
<p>Real world has to come into play. If someone wants to do physical work or work and slowly do college, or go to trade school. However I have know kids who ‘go to school’ only to drive over and sit in the parking lot, essentially wasting their parents’ money. So some kids are ‘late learners’ on real world - they might want to test the limits of their parents.</p>
<p>We all have to do things we don’t want to do from one time or another. </p>
<p>Kids need a certain level of maturity to use the opportunities extended to them. If they are not mature enough, the school of ‘hard knocks’ might be in order. No free food and free housing for HS drop-out or HS graduate w/o a plan and successfully on a school or work track.</p>
<p>@SOSConcern I urge you to look at grad rates for most community colleges and commuter 4-years, or get some first-hand exposure to an avg 100 level course at these institutions. Most of them have 10-20% 4-year grad rates. Overwhelming majority of students that end up in these places are sentenced to a life of mediocrity. These places are not inspiring, they are depressing and gloomy and full of terminally unmotivated students who don’t want to be there. You either fix your kid before high school, or goodluck rolling the dice with 10 to 1 or 8 to 1 odds they ever amount to anything. The odds are severely stacked against an underachieving kid who ends up at a last chance college.</p>
<p>@rebecca17
From what I’ve seen, I don’t think it’s that the parents don’t have it in themselves to put in that effort. What I’ve read here leads me to believe that the parents’ efforts will be futile without the kids’ cooperations.</p>
<p>I know a lot of CC and commuter students - the bright but previously unmotivated student will either figure it out as time goes on, or figures it out later.</p>
<p>It depends where you are at, but we have some high quality commuter options in our area.</p>
<p>My kids are both scholarship students who live away. The local high quality college option works for people that really can’t afford room/board away w/o student loans. And some students have jobs and other things that they want to stay local - even some live in the dorm.</p>
<p>The local CC and high quality college option also dual enroll with various area HSs.</p>
<p>Cannot make such blanket statements of CC or local colleges. It depends.</p>
<p>@SOSConcern
Do you think it is an unsurmountable problem for the bright but previously unmotivated student figuring it out as time goes on? I know that transfer admissions at top schools(US News 1-40 for a general idea) are getting more competitive, especially for applicants with a mediocre high school background, as a result of freshman admissions getting more competitive and very few students transferring and leaving space for housing, but don’t know how much this effect trickles down the pyramid to other institutions(US News 40-100 for instance). What’s your take on the opportunities present for late bloomers?</p>
<p>I would put money on the odds of a junior or commuter student transfering to a top 50 US News school is greater than 100 to 1. Likely closer to 1000 to 1.</p>
<p>@SOSConcern the students you speak of are the 10% I touched on. The rest do nothing significant with their life.</p>
<p>Some students are still in growth spurts entering college. Some family and school situations may have caused the student to not mature in certain areas. Encourage a gap year if this would help.</p>
<p>However for some students, don’t give them a break, otherwise they fall off the education wagon and don’t want to get back on.</p>
<p>I am not against bribery at any education level. If the student wins, the parent wins.</p>
<p>I have seen ‘unmotivated’ students (typically young men) who flop around at college; do a break - military often, then come back ‘on fire’. I use to work in Co-op, and a fella had a 0.9 GPA from one year flopping around; after military, was close to 4.0 for several terms, so we could ‘separate’ his overall GPA and his current, showing a new trend. He did well.</p>
<p>DD is in nursing school, and she is attending with a former soldier - he flopped around (not too badly), went into military, now is very focused (and is married with kids) - working hard at school and being successful.</p>
<p>If a student goes away to school and does poorly first semester, have student go to school locally/commuting, and ‘earn’ the right to go back to school that is costing more $$$. Close to home parent can monitor effort and limit distractions; if student doesn’t cooperate, tough love is maybe necessary after exploring/eliminating what is keeping student from putting in effort on college courses. If student has a scholarship, help protect it by having student change behaviors (always attend class, do all the work, put in the study time).</p>
<p>If parents (who are paying the bills) don’t demand student work towards success, they are going to end up with a non-degreed person living under their roof unmotivated to advance themselves.</p>
<p>Many kids do not realize that their parents’ standard of living is something the parents worked towards - not just handed over to kid. Students have to demonstrate adult behavior, not just have things handed to them and continually throwing away money and opportunities.</p>
<p>I think there are more than 10% of CC students obtaining an associate’s degree. In some ways, CC or trade school is the new education level; years ago HS was good to achieve for a decent blue collar job - now it is hit or miss unless one wants to stay on the bottom of pay and benefits. Very few can now get into military with GED - military can be more picky now.</p>
<p>Also young people and tattoos and piercings really limit themselves!</p>
<p>Some schools require personal finance - some students wake up with the economics of that - income and expenses.</p>
<p>If a kid has a job in HS, they are often surprised at the deductions and net pay.</p>
<p>Boys who have high car insurance premiums - a parent doesn’t have to allow a student to get driver’s license at 16. If a student is under-performing and then has a driver’s license/freedom, no immediate incentives to improve scholastically.</p>
<p>In our area a surprising number of kids aren’t driving. It’s not uncommon for 17 year olds to be unlicensed. I guess if the kids are socializing online, the motivation is a lot less. </p>
<p>The OP already knows the kids love their Xbox. it’s the obvious target, and has to be a target anyway if the time is to be made to do schoolwork. And grounded until homework is done, so they don’t just go over to friends and play there.</p>