<p>How do you guys manage not to be jealous towards friends/classmates who score better than you on a test or are more materialistically privileged than you or get accepted into a program that you don't? I know they say that envy is ignorance, but sometimes I have trouble seeing the ignorance part of the equation. Like one of my best friends just got accepted into her state governor's school, and I didn't.........because there is no governor's school in my state. I know I shouldn't be jealous of her and I should just accept things the way they are, but I can't help but feel a pang of jealousy. </p>
<p>I don’t.
How can I stop myself from becoming jealous? Not possible. (At least for me)</p>
<p>It’s difficult. I remember in particular that there was this one girl that I was so jealous of my freshman year because she had everything (perfect grades, perfect activities, perfect boyfriend, perfect material things etc.). Sophomore year, I got to know her better through various projects and it turns out that she/ her life wasn’t as perfect as it seems. I believe that jealousy disappears with understanding and self-evaluation.</p>
<p>There’s always going to be someone smarter than you, but it’s comforting to remember that there’s always someone dumber too. :)</p>
<p>I get jealous all the time. The best way I deal with it is to only think about myself. Jealousy arises out of comparing yourself against others. If you stop thinking about other peers’ lives and focus on how you can be the best you, you become jealous less often. </p>
<p>Good luck! Don’t let other people get the best of you. :)</p>
<p>Jealously is totally normal, especially if you are someone who’s a hard worker and know you are capable of achieving the same thing or something even greater. My advice is to find (if you don’t already know) your niche and a way to succeed there. For example, I am not that great at math and sometimes science isn’t my thing either, but I’m one of the top 5 students in my class. So, I understand what you’re saying because I often get jealous of my peers who are great in math and science and are winning awards in those areas, but I remind myself how silly it is to envy them when that isn’t my area! On the other hand, I do really well with communication and interacting with people, and I excel in extracurricular activities and other subjects that they don’t do as well in. I’ve won several awards in FBLA competitions and admittance to some summer programs that are my niche, so it’s easy to make peace with not achieving in everything. I think that if the award is in a science competition, and you hate science then it’s really not of value because it doesn’t hold value beyond having been an award that everyone congratulated you for winning. </p>
<p>I think it goes back to that idea of being your best rather than being the best. Just remember that your ultimate goal is college admittance right now, and as long as you are excelling in the things you are passionate about, and you are confident in yourself then you don’t have to feel jealous or inferior for not winning everything. This is what I remind myself, hope it helps!</p>
<p>Easy…
I turn jealousy into determination problem solved. :)) </p>
<p>I realized that being around smart, accomplished people will motivate me to become smart and accomplished. Not necessarily in a competitive way- more like, wow, that’s awesome! I wonder if I could do it too!</p>
<p>Remind yourself of your accomplishments too. And especially for the governor’s school thing–you didn’t have that opportunity, so who knows, you might have gotten in too! But you’ll make the most of the opportunities you have–including opportunities that other people won’t have. People who have less money won’t get “rich privileges,” but there’s also QuestBridge and other programs that the rich people can’t do. People who aren’t good at math might excel in the humanities or in science or any other field. </p>
<p>I overcome jealousy by put in extra effort to achieve things they achieved.</p>
<p>I use it to propel me to constantly improve and strive to do even better. I have friends who had are better than me in almost every area of my life: ACT scores, clothes, relationships, college prestige, etc. there are always going to be people who have more than you in life. Just keep plugging along and work hard to be the best you possible. Find what makes you unique from your peers and excel in that area. I’m currently really working on growing in character because I know that’s going to be worth so much more in the long run than my peers’ accomplishments or material possessions. I also always have one EC that I’m better at than anyone I know, it’s really comforting. I always think longterm. Sure right now it seems like so many are doing better than me, but I know in ten, twenty, thirty years, if I play my cards right, I can be just as good if not better. Time is a great equalizer.</p>
<p>Oh also, gratefulness for what you’ve already been blessed with helps so much. I have a journal I write in regularly listing things, experiences, and people I’m grateful for. Whenever I go into a jealousy pity-party, I just look into my grateful journal and realize how much I have to be thankful for. It puts things in perspective.</p>
<p>I like @ttlr97’s advice to find your niche. Find something you like and devote your time to that. It’s both distract you from everyone else’s accomplishments and, hopefully, you’ll get good enough at it to not have to worry about feeling inferior, since you’ll have your thing and they’ll have theirs. </p>
<p>It might also help to try to put the most internal weight on your happiness, not your popularity or your intelligence or something. Jealousy is usually a symptom of unhappiness, not the other way around.</p>
<p>A lot of people think that the chain of jealousy (or whatever you want to call it) works like this:</p>
<p>Happy -> See Other’s Accomplishments -> Jealous and Spiteful</p>
<p>And it might seem that way, sometimes, but really it’s more like this:</p>
<p>Unhappy -> See Other’s Accomplishments -> Wish you had that accomplishment cause then you’d be happy, like they seem to be -> Jealous and Spiteful</p>
<p>Do some self reflection, and think about the real reason you’re jealous. Chances are it’s not actually the accomplishment. Try to make yourself happy and voila! A lot less jealousy. </p>
<p>Now, if your happiness only comes from materialistic accomplishments…well, you probably need to find some other source of happiness. Cause then you’ll just constantly be jealous whenever anyone does anything better than you, and that’s no fun. But still, jealousy is just a symptom of valuing the (subjectively) wrong things, not a cause. </p>
<p>I make them jealous. </p>
<p>If I’m jealous of someone, I use it as a motivator to get myself to their level. After doing that, there is no more jealousy :P.</p>
<p>Your successful friends help set the bar for what is achievable. Learn from them to improve yourself. My attitude is to help my friends and colleagues become more successful so that I can learn how to improve myself. It’s healthy competition. </p>
<p>I stopped worrying about this kind of thing a few months ago. My thought is, I know I’m already on a good path to success in life and if I follow through with everything and try my best, I know I will be able to get through. If a friend wants to become an engineer or something, you can too and in the end, you’re both engineers that can get the job done. I try to focus on where I’m going much more so than where my peers are. Although I am still a bit jealous of this girl with the 36 ACT, perfect GPA, top 2% of class, winning almost everything, the only thing she’s failed in is being elected class president.</p>
<p>If you are into comparisons, you will always have challenges - job, career, things you can afford, family, kids accomplishments, health, etc and so on.</p>
<p>Imagine that even if you were Bill Gates and were into comparisons…and then you looked over your shoulder and see Mark Zuckerberg and envied him for his youth and coolness.</p>
<p>You can’t always get what you want.
But it if you try sometimes
You just might find
You just might find
that you get what you need</p>
<p>Hmmm…I like that. I think I will write a song.</p>
<p>I think one thing to do is consider your own strengths and privileges. Another is to take that bit of failure and turn it into motivation to try even harder with the next obstacle. With material things though, it’s difficult because everyone does have different options presented to them.</p>
<p>I kind of just don’t. It spurs me to work harder, and that’s worked out pretty well.</p>
<p>But honestly, if you’re in the U.S., there are billions of people who’d kill to be in your place. Forget having enough to eat- no country even has such generous (scarce, but the magnitudes are unmatched) scholarships, opportunities, etc. That’s what really keeps me from going crazy when I see, say, a Dalton senior and incoming Yale freshman giving a TED talk- none of us really deserve what we have.</p>