<p>Thank you, Wjb, for the kind words. I do understand the reason why the parents are so upset. He is an only son and because my daughter is not going to convert, any children will not be Jewish unless they later convert. The thing that is a little puzzling is that the family is not particularly religious. My future son in law says he has no attachment to the religion, and is not worried about my daughter wishing to stay with her religion. Although we are not devout catholics, he has commented about how religious our family is--we do go to mass every Sunday and observe the holydays, and the little ones go to catholic school. I don't think it is entirely a religious thing--I think they had some girls and families in mind for him and then out of the blue he shows up with a young girl going to a small college in the midwest with a crazy, mixed up family with as many dogs as kids. Never mind the catholic part. And when she said we lived in Mount Vernon when we were in Westchester, that went over like a lead balloon. (They are very familiar with Westchester county). As I have said before, we did not live in the most fashionable neighborhoods. The young man compared his visit to our house to the scenes in the "Cheaper By the Dozen" movie except we have a lot more dogs, and I think they went really nuts then. No, I think religion is just one small piece of the picture. They are putting together the wedding and picking up the tab as well, they don't want D or me within a mile of planning this. So I'm just gliding along. H is just as happy about the wedding preparations, and I have my niece's wedding I have to plan. D just wants to invite her friends and doesn't care about what kind of ceremony. It'll be in NYC. When I mentionedto D's future mother in law that we have an apartment that we are in the process of selling to my brother in Harlem so we will stay there rather than at a hotel, I thought we were disconnected (she wanted to book us at a hotel for the weekend of the wedding. We are going to be there early because my niece will marry the same weekend in NYC too-still working on that one,) I suppose we could afford a hotel but there are so many of us and we are not grande hotel types with all of those little boys and the apartment will be empty, so why not?
Hopefully, the young people will get through all of this just fine. D has enough worries right now without my squabbling with her future in laws, and she did not appreciate my very carefully chosen words of caution when she ventured into this situation. So "nuff said about this.</p>
<p>Oh Jamimom, I think I have an idea! I am from westchester co, ny, and have some sense of what you are experiencing. The wedding is the tip of the iceberg. I hope your D doesn't plan on maybe having any of her own personal desires..like where she should live or what she cooks for dinner. I am hoping that your future son-in-law will be able to support your daughter in any of her own personal undertakings without any recriminations. Time will tell and I hope all works out well. I will pray for you and yur D this sunday when I attend church in my little no name parish in my rinky dink westchester neighborhood.</p>
<p>"The thing that is a little puzzling is that the family is not particularly religious. My future son in law says he has no attachment to the religion." </p>
<p>You are so right to be puzzled by that, Jamimom. Families that don't practice their religion (whatever religion it may be) have no cause to complain when their kids choose to abandon it. The time to lay the groundwork is when your kids are young. I'm amazed at non-religious parents who are chagrined when their kids also turn out to be non-religious. What did they expect? </p>
<p>I wish your daughter and her fiance and your family the very best.</p>
<p>Doesn't anybody believe in just living together before getting married? Don't understand why gays and lespians who have been living together for years and with children, can't get married?; While those heterosexual types who haven't lived together very long, can get married, in a House of God, and then get a civil divorce. </p>
<p>We may be more akind to fundemental muslins than we think. </p>
<p>In Toastmasters, there are three things you should never talk about: Politics, other people's relatives, and of course religion. Best we all abandon this thread.</p>