<there is="" a="" big="" difference="" in="" having="" random="" bad="" things="" (illness="" accidents="" etc.)="" happen="" and="" simply="" kids="" expecting="" others="" to="" help="" you.="">
We, humans, always help each other. Family, friends. Husband is supposed to help his pregnant wife. Parents are supposed to help children. Adults are supposed to take care of their ailing parents and grandparents. IMHO.
SMH
<i wonder="" if="" you="" see="" the="" same="" issues="" and="" inequities="" around="" us,="" californiaaa-or="" just="" your="" side="" of="" prism-="" grandma="" helping="" out,="" enough="" food="" on="" table,2="" working="" parents.="" how="" do="" explain="" realities="" children="" going="" hungry,="" families="" hard="" losing,="" by="" no="" fault="" their="" own?="" it="" isn’t="" all="" slackers="" vs="" good,="" hard-working,="" faithful,="" “successes.”="" there="" are="" few="" guarantees.=""><i wonder="" if="" you="" see="" the="" same="" issues="" and="" inequities="" around="" us,="" californiaaa-or="" just="" your="" side="" of="" prism-="" grandma="" helping="" out,="" enough="" food="" on="" table,2="" working="" parents.="" how="" do="" explain="" realities="" children="" going="" hungry,="" families="" hard="" losing,="" by="" no="" fault="" their="" own?="" it="" isn’t="" all="" slackers="" vs="" good,="" hard-working,="" faithful,="" “successes.”="" there="" are="" few="" guarantees.="">
I do think that we have different prisms.
<i’ve long="" felt="" the="" “perfect=”" time="" to="" have="" kids"="" is="" when="" you="" can="" truly="" be="" a="" great="" parent,="" nurturing,="" tolerant,="" patient,="" and="" happy="" make="" adjustments="" in="" your="" life="" play="" that="" role.=""></i’ve>
Unfortunately, this comes in 50-60s - time to be a perfect grandmother 
O.F.F.S.
@californiaaa Grandma may not be ABLE to help out. Grandma might be working, Grandma might even not only be working but running her own company. Grandma is far less likely to stay home and be ready and willing to be a free daycare for her kids these days. Grandma might no longer live in the area, Grandma might be ill, disabled or even passed away. And if the family is lower-income, chances are even greater than Grandma, AND Grandpa are working, maybe even two jobs, so the free daycare goes out the window.
As for having enough food and growing your own, many very poor people live in rental apartments in cities where there IS no land to grow anything. And even if there was, many landlords would happily evict families for tearing up a lawn and growing plants. Some cities even have zoning ordinances forbidding this. Others live in climates that aren’t conducive to growing much, let alone enough for a family to rely on. As for a safety net like a food bank-they are always running out because the need is ever greater even by families who ARE working. Maybe a family won’t starve to death, but when you make too much for welfare, too little to buy enough food and the food bank doesn’t have much to give, you can be pretty darn hungry pretty much all of the time. This is why some schools are now offering breakfast as well as lunch and feeding programs have lines around the block every night. It is often not the parents’ fault. How cruel to assume that. Often, the parents are going hungry to allow their kids to eat what meager food they get.
As for losses and everything getting better, yes, for some, some of the time. But NOT EVERYONE HAS A FAMILY TO HELP THEM. Not everyone qualifies for help they desperately need. Not everyone has enough food to go around. Not everyone has good enough healthcare. Not everyone has enough money for heat when it’s below zero or cooling when it’s above 90. This is why every winter and summer we hear of very poor people in this country dying of hypothermia or heatstroke. How do you not get this ? What world do you live in?
@californiaaa fyi, you do not have to reply to each individual and rack up a dozen posts in a row. You can use the Reply box at the bottom of a page to consolidate.
“poverty is in people’s minds.”
Please look at the reality around you, not just what worked out for you. And you’re taking this thread off track, away from OP’s intentions.
You did things one way. Many of us do not tink it was the right way (some may.)
The idea children don’t go hungry is only in your own limited observation. As is the sweeping generalization that it’s parents’ fault.
This may be a norm among some groups of people in the United States, but it is not a universal norm. And it isn’t possible for practical reasons in some instances, even if the grandparents would be willing to help if they could.
Grandma and Grandpa may still be working. Or they may have other responsibilities. Or they may live far away from the grandchildren.
During the years when my children were very young and our family could have benefited from some child care help from the grandparents, my mother lived 1000 miles away, my father (divorced from my mother) was taking care of his older sister who was in poor health, my mother-in-law had already died, and my father-in-law was working full-time. None of the grandparents ever babysat for my kids.
My point is that getting help from your parents or parents-in-law when you’re raising your children is a nice thing if it happens, but you had better not count on it.
[crossposted with @sseamom, who said it better in her first paragraph than I did in my whole post.]
It’s really unfair and not adding anything to keep saying, ‘do it my way or you’re wrong.’
And it has taken us waay off track.
This thread, absent some comments, has shown OP there are multiple ways to approach her own decisions.
Oh good grief.
The bubbles some people live in is absolutely ASTOUNDING.
It’s certainly true that many people with lots of resources are unhappy.
But I wonder whether someone who is living in very poor circumstances and who has children can truly be happy. One of the toughest parts of poverty is the insecurity of it – not knowing, from day to day, whether you will be able to provide what your children need.
The family I grew up in went through some difficult financial times when I was a child. Looking back on the situation, I can see how hard it was for my parents when they had to choose between meeting one need and meeting another. For example, what did it feel like for my mother to tell me, a highly academic kid who took great pride in my good grades, that I would not be able to do my homework for several days and would have to take zeroes on the assignments because paying the electric bill had to take precedence over buying the notebook paper I had run out of?
And we weren’t really that badly off. If you want to read about the truly painful choices that some parents have to make, Google “diaper need.”
I think this thread has run its course.