While I agree you are young and have plenty of time, I would definitely consider family in career planning to some extent. But the degree to which family tips the balance in favor of one career or another, is a very personal choice.
I would strongly suggest working as a chemist for a while before deciding on grad school. And work as a chemist for a while before deciding on teaching, unless that is really what you want to do. You may change your mind a few times before you really choose a path, which is great.
Also check on the job prospects. In many (most fields), even STEM fields, there are more PhDs than there are tenure track jobs. Having to do continual post-docs in varying locations is not much fun. And for a college job, you may not be able to choose your location.
OTOH, if you absolutely love chem, biochem etc and want to spend hours in the lab, go for it and then figure out how to incorporate kids. Many women do it. Not easy, but it is doable. Good luck!
Higher level academia requires a PhD, which is another 5-6 years of education. And then post-doc, then scrambling for tenure. It is NOT family friendly. I think HS Chem teacher sounds like a good fit, though.
Through pure luck I managed to have a very flexible career in law, something almost unheard of ( I can’t recommend highly ennough a boss whose wife is a Women’s Studies professor, lol… she pushed him to be highly flexible) I got to work 10-20 hours a week, mostly based on what suited me, often at home and earn a salary most people would be happy to earn full time.
I know my daughters are unlikely to be so lucky. But one is a nursing student so she at least should have some flexibility eventually.
I think it’s smart to be thinking about this. A career in secondary education is likely to be much more flexible than one at a university.
I worked as an engineer for six years before having my first child. After that, I worked as a CAD technician for three days a week for about six years until my third child was born. At that point, I quit working. The next year, 1999, my husband and I started our own firm, and we’ve worked together out of our house since then.
One thing that worked well was to trade babysitting with a friend who taught school part-time. I watched her daughter while she worked, and she watched my son while I worked.
Another time, I would go up to my husband’s workplace at 5 pm, hand off our toddler, then do drafting for the same company until midnight or 1 am.
Nursing was tricky. For one kid, who was at daycare while I worked, I would run home at lunchtime and pump milk so he would have it the next day. There was NO place at my job I could do that.
I won’t lie - it’s hard. I put our second child into daycare when he was not even two months old. He caught a cold there that turned into RSV, a virus that is dangerous to babies. He ended up in the hospital for five days - he was a very sick little guy. I always felt guilty about that, because I knew if I hadn’t put him into daycare, he wouldn’t gotten sick.
I found that it’s really hard to plan, because there are so many variables.
OP–I ended up in pharmacy because of the very reasons you state. I loved science but you are way ahead of me in liking chemistry. You are probably more suited to it than I was. And I enjoyed it very much.
As a CAREER it is very flexible. I worked in hospitals, community pharmacy, part-time, full time. It was particularly great when I had kids and needed to step back some and even drop out for a while from the work force.
Career and “lots of kids” doesn’t really equate if you want to raise them yourself Sure, a lucrative career will allow you a nanny and vacations with your kids but if you work 60 hour weeks (or a 40 hour week with a long commute) truly someone else is raising your kids. Flame away CCers. Unless of course, your spouse is not doing the same and then it can work out perfectly!
I’ve seen nursing work out really well for many of my friends. I’ve also seen jobs in the school systems, whether they be teaching, social workers, guidance, etc., work really well too. I’ve not been impressed with the lack of balance some other friends have (or don’t actually).
I agree with other posters…do what you like right now. You can figure it out when the “family” comes. Don’t discount that if you have a bachelors or better, additional schooling in a career that allows a better balance down the road isn’t insurmountable. I went back to school full time, while working 30 hours/week and raising two children (3 and 10) as a single parent, to get my social work license. With all the online classes and other non-traditional ways to earn degrees, its much easier than it was in the 70s.
My husband writes portions of papers at home and also reads grants and analyzses data at home. The only time he is not working is when he is eating, sleeping, doing the NYT crossword, 6 hours a week in the gym and probably 2-5 hours of pleasure reading a week, the hour he spends paying bills and the occasional hike or afternoon in NYC. He goes into the lab often on Saturdays and Sundays. And he’s got tenure! I don’t see the money situation in science getting any better in the next four years either. I’ve known one academic couple who went the job sharing route. It didn’t work out that well. In most of the others one half of the couple had to compromise with some sort of non-tenured position.
The teachers I know are swamped with paperwork (IEP documentation and other stuff not just correcting homework), and dealing with parents. But the school year obviously aligns with one’s own kids. I think private schools tend to have less busy work and smaller loads, but also don’t pay as well.
I’ve been lucky - it turns out that being a self-employed architect without an ego is a job that works well with kids. My practice grew with the kids.
I can’t be the only one sensitive to OP being pushed toward some more traditionally female careers. She doesn’t need to commute a long distance, will have some opportunity to take some time off, work part-time, or have a flex schedule, and may very well have a spouse who’s fully invested. Or family helping, friends who want to share babysitting, etc.
Now, of course, unanticipated things can happen, be aware of that. Be prepared in case you do become the sole breadwinner, etc. And, yes, there will be times when all this is hard, even at best. But, dang.
I’m sensitive to this of course but she did mention “lots of kids”. Someone has to raise them. And the best persons to raise them are herself or their father. IMO, far too many families stretch themselves thin for careers and/or $$. Kids must be parented and the more you have, the more time it takes lol. What I’ve seen in particular is families with both partners in high career positions who aren’t able to spend enough time with their children and let the daycare raise them. You can’t parent kids that you pick up at 6 pm, drop off at 6 am and leave at the ski slope day care on the weekends. YMMV.
@lookingforward —my own daughter gets on to me a bit because I do tend to encourage careers like that. I think we can all be honest though and say those careers do tend to traditionally be more flexible and family friendly.
Things are changing though hopefully? I look forward to that day, especially for my daughter who wants to be an engineer.
Sadly, my husband is an engineer and he somewhat frequently mentions various female coworkers who have quit work to stay home after having children. I guess it happens in any career field. But most of my RN colleagues were able to drop to PRN or work part-time and never completely left the workforce.
I’m happy to hear that you are thinking about this now. Some careers don’t transition well when the family dynamic changes. I was a chemistry major too and ended up in a great career - it’s not very glamorous, but you should take a look at patent law. You don’t even need a law degree to prepare and prosecute patent applications, although the law degree opens up a lot more doors (and salary levels). I transitioned to part-time when my kids were born, and am still working a reduced schedule even now that they are teenagers. I avoid litigation and stick to the transactional stuff, a lot of which can be done at home or on a part time basis. My daughter is anxiously awaiting an ED decision at an engineering school, and my husband is already telling me to get her into patent law after she graduates.
If you were my daughter I’d give the following advice…
–Don’t make plans assuming your current relationship will work out. Do what feels right to you regardless of the relationship.
-My mom taught and found it to be a very flexible and fulfilling career. She worked full time, took time off when we were young and did things like home-bound teaching and substitute teaching, and was able to go back full time later down the road. She loved her career.
–If you want a more flexible career because you feel it is right for you, then go for it. My D made a similar decision based on what she felt she wanted in her life long-term. She started off on a pre-med track but as she learned more about the medical profession she decided that really wasn’t what she wanted – she is now getting a Master’s degree in speech pathology which is a very flexible field.
-As a parent I feel my job is to support my kid’s decisions – as long as they are well thought out. If my D wanted to be a doctor I would have supported that, but I do feel that the direction she decided upon was a very good choice for her. I hope your parents support whatever you decide to do.
So my bottom line would be to do your research into different options, try to shadow some people in professions you are considering and then make a well considered and educated choice as to which direction you want to move in.
Plan on being financially responsible for yourself and any children you have. You can't depend on someone supporting you. (and I say this as one who has been married for 36 years to a man who has a great job).
Avoid part time. Yes that is correct. My first part time professional position was when my kids were young. I was exhausted trying to get as much done as possible at work then taking care of everything else at home. With part time I didn't make enough money to hire cleaning help, etc. My second part time was after several years at home. I was back to staff level after having been in management. It was fine for a few years, lots of flexibility, low stress. But I was "overqualified" and kept getting asked to do higher level work (with no more money or chance of moving up). As we got busier, my hours grew longer until I was basically a full time professional being paid hourly so there went the flexibility. It took a few years and much pushing by me, my boss and her boss for me to be promoted with the salary I should have had. This was not an isolated thing, I know several women who have had this happen.Not trying to be negative, but looking back I would have worked full time.
My dh’s company allows people to combine a single role. I have known 2 female engineers who split a role and each worked it part-time and did so for several yrs while their kids were young and then both transitioned back to 2 full-time roles. I don’t know the nitty-gritty details though.
On a completely different note than the career side, I can share what it is like to be the mom to “lots of kids,” 8 to be exact. I knew I wanted a large family from the time I was in high school. (Fwiw, it came from no one but me. My oldest sister is a diehard career woman to the core. I am not sure why I wanted a big family, just that I had the calling to have one. )
When my dh and I first started dating, he wanted 2 kids, vacation homes, world travel, and a sports car. I knew that wasn’t what I wanted and we both had to do some serious sole-searching about our relationship bc this a huge, huge issue. Lots of kids means lots and lots of expenses. It is incredibly expensive to raise a large family. Think about how much it costs to go out to eat and multiple that number by however many kids plus both parents. Hotel rooms? We didn’t use to be able to stay in 1 room, so multiple hotel rooms. Need new shoes for spring…just how many pairs? Boots for winter? You get my point, but it is actually probably hard to imagine unless you actually do try to figure out a budget. When your food bill is more than our mortgage payment, how do you save for college, retirement, emergencies? How do you fund normal kid activities across all of the kids? What happens if one of them is special needs? (One of ours is.) Are both parents committed to making that sacrifice bc unless you are wealthy, it will take sacrifices from living and doing what the typical “career family” norm is. (My dh is surrounded by his peers who are doing early retirement, traveling, own beach condos…empty nesters living in a completely different lifestyle world. We still need babysitters if our older kids are busy.)
Then there is the physical aspect. Laundry, cooking, cleaning, sleepless nights when viruses spread from one to the next to the next and it takes 3 weeks for the entire family to go through…
But the absolute joy of it is priceless. I wouldn’t change it for a thing. I have lived the dream life I wanted. My career has been educating my kids. (We homeschool, so no, my education hasn’t gone to waste. My kids have accomplished some high level objectives in our homeschool.) Our family is an amazing blessing. My dh is equally amazing. He also says all the time he chose the better thing. It isn’t just having a family. “Lots of kids” is a lifestyle bc it will control so much of your life and who you are (and you can’t change your mind. ) We have grandkids and our youngest is 6, almost 7. Her best friend is her niece. Dh will hit retirement age when she is in college. Our life is full. Kids are always coming and going. Our house is very high energy. I love it. (But I honestly can’t imagine managing a career on top of it bc just doing what I do is full-time energy plus some bc it takes some serious household management skills.)
That strategy would only seem to work (IMO) for adjuncts… and likely not even then… if you want to teach at a college level. Even teaching at a high school would likely be difficult.
I married my college boyfriend the summer after finishing my master’s and right before starting my PhD (which I’m now in my second year of). The only way my friends and I are having families is with a stay-at-home or primarily-dedicated partner. (Which my partner will be.)
I would advise my daughters to do what they love. I would also advise them not to make this decision based on a relationship. Relationships ( and marriages unfortunately) come and go and it important to be able to stand on your own two feet.
Working part time is easier in some fields than others. With PT, OT, and speech pathology you can work 1 hour a week, 50 hours a week, and anything in between. You can work a hospital job with a few private patients after work when you are 25, and then 10 years later work 6 hours a week while your kids are in preschool (assuming you can afford to reduce your hours). Working 6 hours a week as a contractor brings in more money than people realize ( this may depend on where you live).
To those concerned I may be compromising careers for a boyfriend: I’ve thought long and hard about that, and I don’t think it’s the case. I’ve wanted a family longer than I’ve been in the relationship, so he hasn’t changed the equation.
On the one hand, I do appreciate the advice to focus on my interests now and worry about family stuff later. On the other, I don’t want to be naive about what is and isn’t possible with regard to career flexibility. Statistically, I’m likely to marry and be able to have children, if I choose, within the next decade or so. I don’t want to get to that point and realize I’ve chosen a career that is inflexible to the point where I’d either have to 1) have kids raised almost entirely by someone else or 2) give up work entirely without the option of re-entry later on.
Re: other career options. I’m not really interested in nursing because I don’t think it would be a good fit for my personality. I’ve considered pharmacy but need to do more research-- am also concerned about going into fairly major debt for professional school. But it’s definitely an option.
I really appreciate your thoughts-- keep them coming
OP, I feel for you. There is so much to think about. You sound very mature. You’re aware of what is important to you (having a family in the future), but also cognizant of the fact that you want a career… and who knows what might happen along the way! So you’re trying to find that balance and plan accordingly.
You are smart to explore your options. Keep looking and asking and shadowing and listening. I would suggest that whatever you decide, make sure that you love it. Personally I would say “lean in” at this point in your life and choose the profession/career path that interests you most. Yes, it’s true that this could lead to your not having the perfect set-up when you have kids, but I would much rather be happy in what I do every day than have to force myself to go to a job every morning just so my schedule works.
I’m in the education world, so I can only speak to that:
Be aware that community college jobs are often adjunct positions paid by the number of classes you teach (and not much at that). May or may not be enough to live on, depending upon the community college/state where you live. And you want to make sure you can support yourself with whatever you choose!!
While private K-12 schools don't require certification, they often pay peanuts.
Four-year college and university teaching positions almost always require an advanced degree (usually a PhD), and as others have noted, you'll have to do a lot initially to get that degree and then to find a position in academia. You will likely have to move to get one of these jobs, possibly across the country. Once you are in the position, you'll have to put in the hours to publish and get tenure. Could be very rewarding, but lots and lots of work and perhaps limited flexibility.
If you really want to focus on teaching, public schools (middle or high) would probably be the best option. If you want to go this route, then you might want to see if you can start classes toward your state certification now (although you could always do it after you graduate). HS chemistry teachers are likely to be in demand wherever you choose to live, and such positions can be family friendly just because they'll mirror your own children's school calendar. Do know that you'll work hard and you'll likely do planning and correcting at home and on the weekends. But teaching also brings the reward of knowing that you are making a difference.
One final thought: I love kids…but after staying home for 6 months with my first, I realized that I was not cut out to be a stay-at-home mom. I really missed my career and my work life. I never anticipated this, and maybe you will never feel this way. But just one more thing to consider on your journey. Good luck and enjoy the ride!
First, I loved @Mom2aphysicsgeek post and always wish I had had more self-awareness as a teen/young adult. I probably would have had many more children.
My tip for you is to be prepared to be surprised. I grew thinking I’d be a working professional and never stay home with my kids. Guess what - I loved being with my kids and hated leaving them. I was in a very non-mommy friendly gig (law), at least for me (other women make it work fine). ^^loved the patent law suggestion above.
You are wise to ask these questions and you are already way ahead of where I was at your age. Good for you!
Sure, a lucrative career will allow you a nanny and vacations with your kids but if you work 60 hour weeks (or a 40 hour week with a long commute) truly someone else is raising your kids. Flame away CCers. Unless of course, your spouse is not doing the same and then it can work out perfectly!
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