<p>We didn't pay off the last of the student loans til we were 37. Didn't buy a house til they were paid off, either. Neither of us had family support in college -- it was work, scholarships and loans that got us through. We paid off all the small loans before DH went back to grad school -- both his and mine. I supported us while he was in grad school, plus he worked during the summers.</p>
<p>We never divided bills up into "yours" and "mine." It's always been a community pot. That has its pluses and minues, to be sure, but since we have similar views on money, it hasn't really been an issue.</p>
<p>"This came about when our D1 told us her good friend is paying for her school with all loans - 40-50,000/year. She thinks her friend is hoping to marry someone that could help to pay her loans off. Without even thinking I said, "There is no way I would let you marry someone with 200,000+ loan. You let him pay it off before you marry him. We didn't pay for your college so you could inherit someone else's debt. While I am at it, you check out their credit score before you get involved.""</p>
<p>Whom my sons marry is their business. They are adults. My helping my sons with their college doesn't mean that I get to have veto power over decisions they make that concern only their own lives.</p>
<p>I can see speaking up if one's offspring is going to marry someone who is abusive, has a drug habit, gambling addiction or some similar difficulties. I can't see, however, telling my sons not to marry someone who has large student debt. Yes, having such a burden will restrict their options as a couple, but I don't see that as my business.</p>
<p>In many Asian culture they look for "match" or "equal" when it comes to marriage. Match includes family status, wealth, religion, education. It is believed if both partners are equal then the marriage has a greater chance of surviving. Money is usually the biggest source of conflict in a marriage, but often people do not discuss it until after they are married.</p>
<p>The only post-bachelor's education worth borrowing for are law and medicine? Despite the very tight job market in academia, you would disagree with 30 or 40 thousand in debt for a Ph.D is sociology?</p>
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<p>Again, only those coming from wealth should pursue their interests. </p>
<p>I understand that most students do not fully understand the potentially crippling effects of student loan debt. But there's a huge difference between a student who takes out 100K in loans for a bachelor's in sociology and barely passes his or her courses, and one who takes out 100K, gets decent grades, makes the most of his or her education (internships, etc.), and puts forth the hard work and motivation to succeed.</p>
<p>I too would counsel geek_son to consider any kind of debt before marrying. Once married, you're equally on the hook for your partner's debts... even after divorce, in many cases. That doesn't make it a deal breaker; true love is true love. But absolutely it's fair, wise, and legitimate to consider it.</p>
<p>"Look at the example of the Obama's. They just recently finished paying off their student loans"</p>
<p>That is a wrong example. They both had had loans for high paying degrees. They both had high income. They could have paid off their loans, but like many they chose not to. Often times it pays not to pay off student loans - Favorable interest rate, tax benefits etc.</p>
<p>Marrying some one with 200 k+ loan for a degree in romance language is stupid.</p>
<p>Of course, then there are the kids bragging about how their parents paid for everything at expensive schools...but I know the income allowing that was "under the table." I guess I shouldn't worry about the morals of the family, only the fact that the student has a debt-free education.</p>
<p>"Of course, then there are the kids bragging about how their parents paid for everything at expensive schools...but I know the income allowing that was "under the table.""</p>
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Of course, then there are the kids bragging about how their parents paid for everything at expensive schools...but I know the income allowing that was "under the table." I guess I shouldn't worry about the morals of the family, only the fact that the student has a debt-free education.
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<p>Wow, just wow! There are people out there that can afford this and can do it with inherited money, money earned through honest work and smart investments, and watching every nickel that they spend, as well as financial support for college from wealthy relatives (something not discussed often on CC). It does not necessarily mean that they are crooks or have inferior morals.</p>
<p>I'm not saying anyone posting has inferior morals. I just gave a true example to illustrate why parental ability to pay doesn't begin to tell the whole story.</p>
<p>HRSFRM, You are correct that a family's ability to pay fully, and leave a student without debt doesn't tell the whole story. I was just pointing out some ways that families find the funds without being dishonest. Also, it is easier to have more college funds when there is only one child to send to college. Savings can be wiped out for kiddo #2, even if a family has saved.</p>
<p>The example of the Obamas is illustrative but it's easier to talk about economic theory.</p>
<p>Leverage works well in periods of inflation. It works poorly in times of deflation. If you buy a house with a big loan and run into deflation, incomes deflate too while you still have the big loan to pay off. If you have inflation and the big loan, you can hope that the price of the house grows quickly to the point that your loan becomes small giving you the option to sell and book a profit.</p>
<p>If the Obamas graduated at the beginning of a secular bear market (say 18 years of economic malaise with falling prices), borrowing the money would have been a losing proposition for most. As with many economic things, timing and luck are big factors.</p>
<p>Yes, northeastmom. There are many ways savings can be wiped out or fail to accrue. I'm very reluctant to judge anyone based on ability to pay or public appearance (good or bad). </p>
<p>Of course many families finance college without being dishonest. Don't we all wish our lives had gone as planned, creating massive college funds and no worries?</p>
<p>Interesting topic for me, as I'm just starting to pay back my debts. I have two degrees and the loans that go with them. Had I merely stopped at my BA, I'd have just under $10K in loans right now. (Un)fortunately, I went for a master's and now have a "tad" bit more. I don't claim to be proud of my debts-- I'm certainly not-- but they are what they are. My fiancee will finish medical school with over $100K in debt, closer to the $200K mark. </p>
<p>We live a comfortable life, and I make enough to pay back the loans without sweating, but I won't lie: we are delaying a wedding for the sake of getting our finances in better order. Gotta love the modern world!</p>
<p>I'm curious if some of you would forbid your child from marrying someone that doesn't even have a degree, or maybe didn't even attend college. </p>
<p>My S will have college loans when he is done and I assume by his major that he will not be in a really high paying career. He is studying what he loves and will hopefully love his career. If he marries his current girlfriend, I know she will have loans also. </p>
<p>I hope neither of my children have in-laws like some of you on here. Wow.</p>
<p>Money doesn't bring happiness but it can reduce things that make life unpleasant.</p>
<p>Everyone bring a set of assets and liabilities to a marriage. Knowledge, financial, genetic, family, potential for inheritance, extended family support or the need for support, etc. Our children have to weigh these things without necessarily understanding the impact of these assets and liabilities or without even knowing about them. Of course some can be discovered during the courtship process if the battle between brains and hormones can be won.</p>
<p>I didn't have a degree when I got married but my income was much higher than my peers with degrees. This was at a time and in an industry where experience and drive counted for more than the piece of paper. I got my degrees later on in an environment where companies paid for tuition due to a better tax environment.</p>
<p>I would expect our kids to look for spouses with degrees or on their way to degrees, just so that they could converse with them with a common base of knowledge.</p>
<p>As far as husband shopping goes, I did see a fair amount of the at BC. I think that BC is a pretty good place for something like that.</p>
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I'm wondering if the parents who don't see a problem with this are the parents with the daughters who have substantial loans. Could it be that the parents of sons view the situation differently?
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<p>I have a S without any loans of his own and don't see it differently. </p>
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I'm curious if some of you would forbid your child from marrying someone that doesn't even have a degree, or maybe didn't even attend college.
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<p>I couldn't forbid anything, but to clarify what I said earlier, whether or not I'd be totally happy with the choice would depend on knowing the circumstances and most importantly, the person. I do think it's very desirable to marry someone who values education, however you define it, but I can imagine different situations in life where lack of a formal education did not hold someone back and others where the education was completed later on.</p>
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I do think it's very desirable to marry someone who values education, however you define it, but I can imagine different situations in life where lack of a formal education did not hold someone back and others where the education was completed later on.
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<p>This is key. Some of the most impressive people I've met lack degrees. They do not, however, lack education. The trick is to know when people are just degree holders-- that's not always easy.</p>