How would you handle this sibling situation? ...

<p>I would think that top LACs would be very eager to have a diverse student body but find it more difficult to attract minority applicants than top 20 universities. If the admissions rep has been “tracking” him since your daughter arrived, I’d suggest that your daughter has made a very solid impression on campus. I’d tell him to go for it.</p>

<p>I’d let him attend, but I know what you mean when you worry if it would be the right school academically for him. I answered the phone the other night from a school that we (mom&dad) determined would be just too difficult for our son. (and we don’t want to set him up to fail) I told the admissions counselor to take him off the list. I was kind of taken aback when she asked if this was our decision or our sons…</p>

<p>For 9th grade honors bio, my S3 had a wonderful teacher (Mr.T) who had my older two sons as well. He called S3 by older sibs names so often, that he gave him a piece of candy from the bowl on his desk every time he slipped up. One day he just gave S3 the whole bowl. S3 didn’t really see the humor in it…he was tired of it, especially as it happened in more than one class in our relatively small high school (about 750 students). And he definitely disliked the constant comparisons to his brothers…</p>

<p>we all thought he would do best at a school where his brothers had not blazed a trail before him.</p>

<p>Kajon,</p>

<p>I think the adm. officer was right to ask that question…
No college will admit a student who can’t handle the academics there. And yes, at every single school 50% of the students are at the bottom half of the class.</p>

<p>Maybe this school will be challenging for your son, but if he can get in, it means that they will provide the support needed to graduate, as long as he is willing to do the work. It should be up to him to decide (unless it is a financial issue).</p>

<p>My sons were accepted at a number of schools where I though their B-ish gpas would eliminate them. They had other factors that made them good candidates. They were not URMS, and none of them were like the other–all different. Some schools do give siblings a strong preference, if not a hook, a strong tip. </p>

<p>Just make sure that your son knows this is a reach school for him, and not to take the interest as a given “in”. If you think he could do the work there, and if he had a personal visit with the admissions counselor and s/he feels the same way, I don’t see why it can’t be on his list. You could also ask the counselor after the visit if this is a realistic choice for him. There are schools out there that are definitely not for laid back students. My current college student felt that some schools were just too competitive and had too many goal oriented, directed students for his comfort level even though he was well in the top 25% in terms of stats and courses taken. He wanted an easier environment and that figured heavily in his choices.</p>

<p>I’d also caution against assuming he will–or will not–want to be on campus with a sibling. Don’t burn any bridges and don’t stake your own claim on the topic either way. My d–who had long claimed she would NEVER want to attend her brother’s school–did an abrupt turn around in senior year. She is happy, he is happy, we are happy with the unexpected outcome of them both being in one place.</p>

<p>My daughter and son LOVED being at the same small university, and were bummed that they only had one year of overlap. I think your son should definitely attend the weekend. If you son gets accepted, a good LAC will provide the support needed to help him succeed (provided he puts in the effort and time.) Being male and being a minority student are both tips for admission at most LACs, and if he is a solid student with some AP’s then he is a strong candidate. :)</p>

<p>Nothing ventured. Nothing gained.</p>

<p>Ok, ok, I asked because I trust the collective wisdom here and I will let him apply. But yes, son, daughter and I all think the academics are too hard because of his lds. Plus, he is interested in majoring in engineering-- which is not offered at this lac. This school has a poor graduation rate for black men. There are so few that it’s hidden in the overall good graduation rate-- but I saw a breakdown once and it was pretty discouraging. (If I recall correctly, it said at least 1/3 of the black males do not graduate.) I want my son to <em>graduate</em> college-- not just attend.</p>

<p>As far as wanting to be near his sister-- that isn’t an assumption. Son has said so; he’s very, very close to this sister and may end up near her. </p>

<p>I will let him respond to the invitation for all the reasons you list (exposure, experience) and I think it’s a great idea to have him sit in on his sister’s classes. Thank you for your advice. (And to the person who worries about my son’s reaction if he thought a parent thought he couldn’t cut it: you didn’t know my son had lds but, just so you know, my son knows very well that I support him, love him and believe in him. It is because I want him to have a chance to maximize his gifts that I think it is best to choose a school where there are programs and supports that are appropriate to him. I don’t need a cool bumper sticker. I want my son to have a degree and the education that goes along with it.)</p>

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<p>DS2 also claimed that he wanted to go to a different school than DS1. Kids often misunderstand and think college is like high school and that the younger sib is going to have all the same teachers that the older sib had. That is not true in college.</p>

<p>DS2 decided to go the same college as DS1 after he realized how big the campus was…his major is different…and the chances of them having the same profs would be rare, unless done intentionally (for calculus III, DS2 intentionally signed up for the prof that DS1 had had). On a college campus, siblings can rarely see each other - but it’s nice to have them there together for other reasons…sure makes move-in day easier!</p>

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<p>Well…if this is the case…then even if the academics weren’t too hard for DS, the school isn’t the right fit for him. If he wants to major in engineering, then he needs to go elsewhere. Moreover, if black men don’t feel connected to the campus (for whatever reasons), and they are more likely to drop out, then that is an addtional reason why this school wouldn’t be right for DS. There are many, many colleges where black men feel “connected” to their campuses, and they want to stay and graduate.</p>

<p>BTW…engineering is a very hard major (one of the hardest on any campus), so I must ask… If you think the academics on your DD’s campus would be too hard for DS, why aren’t you concerned that majoring in engineering on another campus would also be too hard? </p>

<p>What subjects are his strengths? </p>

<p>{{{{ hugs}}}}…cuz I know we moms need some hugs when we are struggling with these dilemmas with our kids! :)</p>

<p>I agree with mom2collegekids-- if he wants to go into engineering and this college doesn’t offer it, then it doesn’t fit, and he likely shouldn’t bother applying. But still, he’s a junior so many, many things can change. It seems totally worth going to this event, just so he can see more of the college world and be better informed for his ultimate decision. I try to take my D to visit whatever colleges we’re near, just so she will have a better sense of all the possibilities.</p>

<p>As Emily Latella would say, “Nevermind.” If the school doesn’t offer the major in which he is interested, then, yeah, that’s not the school for him. But, it still might be a good experience to do this kind of visit at a school he’s not that interested in so that he knows the score for when it’s a school he does care about.</p>

<p>Mom, he’s good at math/mechanical things. Engineering could be too hard-- but his disabilities are language-related which makes a lac a particular challenge. He is gifted/ ld-- but not wildly so in either category (meaning he’s had a lot of help and probably tests in the low-normal range in the areas where he’s disabled; he can compensate but I don’t think at the level of this school).</p>

<p>Just a thought to keep in mind for your future college hunting - don’t make the mistake I made. My older child (S) was a stronger student than my second child (D), and as a result I looked at my D’s grades and college possibilities with a prejudiced eye. Instead of seeing her as the good student she is, I looked at her as being below her brother. The worst part is, she knew it. She kept telling me not to compare her to her brother, and I kept saying that he was the only basis of comparison I had. But I really didn’t need to compare her to anyone! I have to remind myself that she doesn’t have to be the student he was to get into college. She doesn’t necessarily have to be the student he was to get into HIS college, although he’s at a pretty selective school, because he was in the high end of their mid 50% range. </p>

<p>Don’t assume that because your son is “only” an unweighted 3.0 who “only” has 3 -4 APs that he’s not competitive at a lot of schools. Especially as a minority student, he may be admitted more places than you think. Try to view him as if you’d never met your D, as if your S was the only kid you were looking at. He’s probably a stronger student than you think. I can tell you that an unweighted 3.0 with 3-4 AP classes will be a very strong student at a LOT of good schools. (Even if your D’s school is not a good fit for him, and it sounds like it’s not).</p>

<p>Just a little bit of “been there” advice.</p>