How would you react to THIS?

Parents Forum
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<p>Timely, I think the suggestion to ask your older D to talk to S about the essay is a good one. </p>

<p>As for the activity resume, I actually did a rough draft of one and then gave it to DS, he re-wrote it himself. I felt a little guilty about doing that, but he was dragging his feet so much that the process was making me crazy; so I figured if I started then it would get him moving to finish. I'd show your son the activity resume and tell him it's a starting point, and let him re-write it if he wants to. BTW, I wasn't crazy about some of the changes DS made to the resume (what he emphasized and de-emphasized) but it was HIS resume and I figured I'd already done too much so I didn't say anything. </p>

<p>I am keeping a list of DD's activities; she's only a sophomore but I figured keeping a list will make it easier for her to remember what she did so she can do her resume when the time comes. DS and I were racking our brains to remember what happened in 9th grade vs 8th grade!</p>

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<p>I kept the list of extra classes and accomplishments on a refrigerator clip too, under all the other stuff that accumulates. It's a good idea because even looking back at it now, I think, "Oh yeah, I forgot about that!"</p>

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<p>If you have musicians, keep programs or a list of pieces played. They had no clue what they'd played a few years ago, and even for non music majors, they had to list orchestral works, as well as solos played on scholarship audition applications. </p>

<p>Though didn't read through the whole thread, am sad for those who 'take over' the essay writing for a S or D. I value my kid's essays as a snapshot of their priorities and lives at a certain point in time. To take over this for them seems a dissing of who they are and what they might have to say.</p>

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<p>ctmomof3,
I agree with you (going back to your op). In fact, I didn't even really like the topic my son chose for his essay because it was one that I felt wouldn't appeal to the predominantly liberal folks who would be reading it. Yet, that is what he chose and it was a really good essay that showed a lot about who he is. He rejected my suggestion and I let it go. Much to my surprise, he was admitted everywhere he applied! So perhaps overanxious parents and overzealous guidance counselors should just take it down a notch. They may be pleasantly surprised that kids can make it on their own.</p>

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<p>lkf so true.....it is hard for all us parents to sit and sometimes watch what we may concieve as a mistake, or thinking we could do it better, and yet often the kids instincts are dead on. Regardless, though its a personal issue.....I truly think that it if fine for parents to step in and help where necessary, my son experienced writers block after writing umpteen essays so I did help and I am comfortable with that but sitting to write each and every app and essay is rediculous and really furthre handicapping the child who in less than a year will be on his own without the crutch of him mother. what has she really taught him? Nothing.</p>

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<p>LFK, and by the way CONGRATS! Wow every school he applied to? That is impressive!</p>

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<p>WOuld you mind sharing the topic of his essay and why you thought it wouldn't appeal? We're not overly liberal either, and I bet I have some of the same concerns.</p>

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<p>I guess (maybe because I'm a lawyer) I interpret the student's "own work" differently than originaloog does. I believed, and still do, that as long as the student retains the ultimate right to reject or accept any particular edits or suggestions, the work is still the student's. My d chose her topic (not one that I would have chosen), wrote it, rewrote it, cut it, cut it some more and then asked for help. I did some cutting, she rejected some changes, put stuff back in, cut out other stuff, and then sent it. She did not ask for my "approval" or "permission" to send it. She considered my advice, accepted some, and rejected others. If you believe that this means it's not her "own work", that's your choice. You and I will agree to disagree.</p>

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<p>I'm writing to celebrate the final period on the last essay! My DD finally let me look at them last night. We talked about what a reader might conclude about her from each paragraph. She tweaked, softened and strengthened. It's all hers: the stories, the word choices, the syntax and details. Sharing these essays allowed us to talk at a very personal level about who she is, what she wants, how she sees the world, and how she thinks people see her. At the end of the night we sat on the couch together for some "Wooster and Jeeves" therapy. What a privilege to share this process with her. If this is cheating, turn me in.</p>

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<p>Congrats to you and your daughter, riverrunner. It's a real milestone!</p>

<p>Chedva, fwiw, I think your assistance was well within acceptable boundaries.</p>

<p>I'm so glad to be done with this process!</p>

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<p>
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I'm so glad to be done with this process!

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</p>

<p>Agreed. The only thing to write now is the tuition checks.</p>

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<p>
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The only thing to write now is the tuition checks.

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And boy, I wish someone would offer to help me with that writing requirement!</p>

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<p>I'm not a parent (don't know why I'm in this the Parent Forum), and I vould NEVER trust my parents to write an essay that actually makes sense.</p>

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<p>I've been just really touched by how much older D is seeking youger D's feedback on the essays. I think younger D's opinion matters more than mine.</p>

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<p>My daughter writes beautifully and easily - as evidenced by a 780 on her writing SAT and being a winner of the NCTE contest.</p>

<p>However, we had an interesting, extended period of angst regarding her essay. I had been reading about them, including the book suggested on the home page of this site (by Harry Bauld). My daughter is a fast and avid reader, and refused to read the book.</p>

<p>Essay Attempt #1 was written as an assignment during Junior year. It was fine, but not great as a primary essay; teachers loved it</p>

<p>Essay Attempt #2 was written specifically as a National Merit Semi-Finalist; fine for that purpose, but not for college app; teachers loved it for college app</p>

<p>Essay Attempt #3 was fine but not representative of how well she writes; teachers loved it</p>

<p>Essay Attempt #4 was written at the request of a school counselor (about volunteering in Peru); daughter and I both hated it; teachers loved it</p>

<p>Essay Attempt #5 was written at the request of a different school counselor, who knows her better and agreed that none of the existing essays were her finest work; it was a combo of #2 and #3; again, it was fine, but not representative of her</p>

<p>All of these attempts were based on what she THOUGHT the colleges wanted to receive. They all had her voice, they were all well-written. They were all 'fine.' And I continued to tell her that I thought she was going in the wrong direction, but that she should do as she felt necessary. And she continued to refuse to read the book by Bauld. </p>

<p>And then she started to read her friends' essays (similar subject matter to the ones she had written, but not well written).</p>

<p>Friday night & Saturday she read the book. And, while I saw her reading it, I kept my mouth shut. And she would look at me and say "I am NOT writing another essay." And I said "ok."</p>

<p>Saturday afternoon, she finished the book, went to her computer with her "don't-talk-to-me-I'm-busy" look on her face, and stood up, 40 minutes later, with a superb first draft of a totally new essay. The extent of my editing was to circle words repeated too often (such as 'however'), and to tell her that I thought she needed to include a sentence of explanation to ensure that the readers understood a specific phrase (something she learned in economics class). And one part was confusing to me (and she understood why and knew what to do to clarify). She and a teacher will need to tighten and edit, and cut about 200 words.</p>

<p>Was I involved with the essay process? Definitely.
Did I write the essay? Absolutely not.</p>

<p>It was incredibly difficult for me to tell her that I didn't like her first 5 essays, particularly as all her teachers loved them. I wanted to be supportive, but I felt she was working from a mis-conception. This essay is not as 'polished' as any of her earlier work, but it is the best representation of who she is and how she thinks.</p>

<p>She'll use this essay for all her schools, and will also send the first essay to a couple of schools that need 2 essays. They complement each other beautifully. Her friends flip when they hear that she wrote so many different essays, rather than spending all the time editing one to perfection.</p>

<p>So I think there are many degrees of involvement, and each family finds their roadway. And writing the essay for the applicant is not on any of the maps!</p>

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<p>mtpaper, sounds fine to me. And you and I are on the same page
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So I think there are many degrees of involvement, and each family finds their roadway. And writing the essay for the applicant is not on any of the maps!

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</p>

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<p>Maybe this was said before, but I am too lazy to read all the posts, but people talk about these High Acheiving Students and parents writing the essays....wonder how High Acheiving these kids really are...</p>

<p>i would have said something if someone told me they wrote their kids essays. I would have come up with some horror story of a kid getting caught, true or not, just to get them worried and nervous</p>

<p>"Oh my, I wouldn't have taken that chance!! i heard from an admissions officer that they can spot parents essays right away....and have actually contacted counselers and such to see if they helped edit it!!!...."</p>

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<p>Yes I would have spoken up too. Probably to ask the mom how she planned to ease her son's college workload, and whether she would also be available to share the burden of his career.... and whether she thinks her son's 'busyness' will end when he graduates high school...</p>

<p>That being said, I also want to add something about writing that I learned recently. My nephew is a terrible writer. He just graduated from law school at Northwestern. All thru law school, including his summer internship and now at his full time job - he's been told not to worry about his bad writing - they have people hired to write for the attorneys! So, while at school and at work, he writes out his thoughts - however poorly - and then someone else does the more formalized writing. What a relief it was for him and his parents when they discovered this, because they all knew he'd never survive professionally if he had to do his own writing!</p>

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<p>Wow, that IS a surprising fact, mtpaper!</p>

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<p>my parents look over my apps before i send them in, and they read my essays and have given me some suggestions, but thats as much as theyve helped me, and thats all the help i want. if im going to get into a college, i want to do it the right way.</p>