Hypothetical Worst First Line for an application essay

It was after my first Disney cruise at age 9 that I decided to become a pirate.

Ever since that vacation to the Ritz Carlton in the Turks and Caicos, I’ve had a passion for marine biology.

It was the best of times. It was the worst of times. It was middle school gym class.

If Harvard’s such a great school you guys should see my 940 SAT score as a challenge and not an obstical, right?

It was a dark and stormy night…

I like guns and explosives and your service academy is the only college on my list where having fun with them is actually part of the curriculum. Sign me up!

“In third grade…”

It’s funny how much marijuana looks like an ordinary herb.

“I stole money ten years ago, but circumstances rather demanded it and here’s my story…”

Actually a story of a 7 or 8 year old who felt compelled to steal money could be a good essay topic. Now if it was “last year I stole…” that would be a lot more problematic.

“I don’t like to brag, but…”

They say “Money can’t buy happiness, and while that may be true, I m hoping that despite my less than stellar GPA, my father’s wealth might help secure me a place at (insert name) University”

“Everything important in life, I’ve learned from my dying grandma as I sat with her on her death bed”

another gem from the old thread I linked in post # 11.

“I went there to help them but they ended up helping me!”

“Imagine my pride as I received my award for xxxx hours volunteering painting prisoners’ nails.”

Posters on College Confidential told me I need to write this optional essay so here it goes.

I’m the president of ten clubs that I founded and am a natural leader.

" Me and my lax bros …"

“This one time, at band camp…”

“I have literally been dreaming of attending [insert college name here] since kindergarten! Literally!”