I am having a VERY hard time right now and I need to make decisions.

<p>I don't know what I need. A therapist? A friend? A sign?</p>

<p>Oh goodness where to begin?</p>

<p>I'm a guy...</p>

<p>I'm socially awkward/anxious. It's probably pretty common but it seems to be controlling me life at the moment. So a week ago I went to the 3 day college orientation of the school I "knew" I was going to go to. Yes I was sure I was going, it's what I told everyone. What I didn't expect was to have one of the most horrible experiences of my life. By the end everyone seemed to be avoiding me or whispering about me. I looked up the reviews for this college and they said exactly what I thought. Most people here are "only here to party" and "shallow". The size of this place also intimidated me. I have a phobia of getting lost. The "Ra" was no help, asking in front of the people I was sitting with if I was shy. How the hell am I supposed to answer that question without it coming out pathetic. The worst part was I was clingy during the meals and the people I was sitting with were all like wth are you sitting with us?" I did put effort in trying to converse it just never seemed to pay off. </p>

<p>So now i'm thinking of going with my second choice college(both colleges start in a month). But here's the thing... it's small. 1,886 students. For some reason I thought people seemed nicer though. I decided to torture myself and look up the reviews for this college. Oh man... People said "The food is horrible, there's nothing to do, theres little partying unless you're in a fraternity( I never wanted to go crazy but I did want to try some things and have a little fun. I still want it to feel like college) The professors seem good. Also this place is beautiful and surrounded by mountains. Apparently there's nothing to do in the town next to it though.</p>

<p>All of the other schools I applied to(mostly suny) seem to look the same and have bad reviews. I feel like my family is lucky. They got into places like Binghamton, Cornell, Vassar etc. I'm just a tad under mentally qualified to go to those kind of schools.</p>

<p>I feel Trapped. I feel alone. I feel depressed. I feel like nobodies on my side. I don't know what to do. I feel limited. I thought everything was going to get better in college. I was hoping to finally feel I belonged. I wanted to feel like I had friends and wanted to begin to enjoy life instead of just fight through it like i've always done.</p>

<p>If you want more details or even the names of the colleges i'm talking about please ask. I'm so scared. I could really use advice or something. Thanks for reading.</p>

<p>I take all student reviews with a grain of salt. Sometimes people will complain that the food is horrible because it is healthy and they don’t like that or the pizza is thick crust and they like thin. Another thing with any kind of review made by the public - you will get more people that will complain than those that will praise. The person that complains that there is nothing to do may come from a large city.</p>

<p>Really, the best thing to do is to visit there.</p>

<p>Hey, I just want you to know that you’re absolutely not alone! I also suffer from social anxiety and am MASSIVELY awkward. I think seeing a therapist might be a good idea for you because it seems like this is definitely starting to get in the way of your life and impair important decisions. If I were you, I would stick with the first college because at a larger school you WILL be able to find at least a few others with the same mindset as you, and also because changing what you decided on at this point in the game would be a bit stressful. Extremely small schools like the second one you described may be hit or miss for social anxiety sufferers because the community is likely to be more tight-knit, which would be great if you fit in but terrible if you didn’t, because there wouldn’t be other people to meet. Nonetheless, I don’t know the details of your exact situation and I wish you the best of luck with wherever you decide to go! =)</p>

<p>I was starting to lean towards the second school :(</p>

<p>i’m putting you in my prayers.</p>

<p>these are scary times and i’m frightened a lot of the time too, about my future and what it holds for me or doesn’t hold, but the darkness WILL LIFT, our prayers WILL vanguish it.</p>

<p>what are you majoring in? if you were majoring in something like engineering, chemistry, computer science or math, you would probably find yourself around a lot of other academically focused people who you could bond with - first over academics, then over other things too. that was kind of one of my strategies going into college, that i would major in math because math majors would be nice, and i might befriend them (im also socially anxious which is why i sought to employ a strategy of bonding through commiserative academic experience rather than through clubs or spontaneity), but i never got to put that into practice because i didn’t show up to class. but it did seem like a lot of the students, who were nice, non-shallow, friendly people, in contrast to perhaps a lot of the other majors which populated by more threatening, rowdy people (i go to an average state school which admits average kids) did make friends with each other, through group studying and classroom interactions, both of which i was absent from.</p>

<p>I would go with the second school, since you have a better “gut” feeling about it.</p>

<p>Here is some advice from someone in his 50’s. </p>

<p>Everyone develops socially at their own pace.</p>

<p>At whatever school you do go to, you will cut out your own little niche of friends.</p>

<p>Be patient.</p>

<p>I was a total loser (an ugly duckling) in high school, and was pretty lame socially in college as well, but started having gorgeous girlfriends once I got closer to 30.</p>

<p>Your time will come.</p>

<p>Ok, first, take a deep breath and realize that most people are very nervous right now about entering college. Many are second guessing themselves, their choice of school, and are they ready to leave home. You know you get nervous/anxious in new situations, so start developing things that will work for you to lessen the stress. Do you exercise? If not, start walking and work up to jogging/running. It’s a great way to handle stress and anxiety, and people will just think you are into fitness. What are your strong points? Do you have a wicked sense of humor? Are you quick with movie quotes, etc? Picture in your mind social settings like lunch around a table, and picture yourself interacting, laughing, and having a good time with others.
I’m going to share something I was once told about shyness. Think about it, please.: “If you are shy, you are denying others the opportunity to get to know you. You are hiding your skills, gifts, talents, and knowledge from others who might need what you could offer in the way of friendship, etc. If you think of shyness like this, you actually realize that it is very selfish. If you are religious, you could consider it sinful.”
I myself used to be pretty shy, and intimidated when meeting people. When I started to think about my shyness in the way I have just shared, it opened my eyes a little, and I started to think about it differently. You won’t become friends with everyone you meet, but people who are meant to be your true friends will appreciate the efforts you make to establish friendship, will enjoy your sense of humor, outlook on life, talents, etc.
Don’t spend time looking meek and unsure. Smile at people as they walk by, or sit at your table. Say “Hey, how you doing?” to people, and listen to the response. Join a club or two that interest you, and commit to going, even if you are tired, or feeling unsure. Girls are usually more chatty than boys, so sit near a group of girls that seem friendly, and you’ll be entertained at least!
As for which school to attend; only you can make that decision. I liked my school of 1800. My D thought she wanted a large school, ended up at one with 1500 on a GORGEOUS campus, and is very, very happy. She can be feeling “on the outside” sometimes, but has found a much happier social life than she ever had in high school. The pressure is less, the kids are friendlier, etc. Visit that second school if you really are considering changing your choice. Can they still take you? Call to make sure. Also, don’t take reviews for worth very much. Whiners like to complain, and happy people usually don’t bother with websites!
Last bit of advice…wherever you go, get to know some upper classmen, instead of sticking only around other freshmen. The older kids chose to return to the school, and they can share what makes the school great. They can offer good guidance, and won’t just be spreading the homesickness syndrome, like a dorm full of freshmen can do!</p>

<p>Well it seems obvious to me, go to the school where people were nice.</p>

<p>The real cause of anxiety is almost always unknown until you sit down and talk to a therapist (a number of times) so you should talk to someone and see what you can figure out. Also you’re having anxiety because no one is like you. You’re being fooled. A lot of kids are just like you and dealing with fear and anxiety. The only difference is that they’ve just developed better acting skills. Go to your #1 school. Don’t let your fear win. GL</p>

<p>College is the perfect opportunity for you to redefine yourself and start making changes to becoming the person you want to be. Don’t let a bad experience at your orientation make you run away because you’re scared of being rejected. </p>

<p>I recommend you stick with your original college of choice. Going to a big college will allow you to meet more people and give you more room for growth. </p>

<p>Before coming to college I use to be really shy as well, never knowing what to say or how to act. But I soon realized that developing your social skills is nothing more than that, a skill. You get better with practice. At first it feels very uncomfortable and awkward, but the more you force yourself to get out of your comfort zone and interact with people the more natural it will become. As this happens, you will gain more confidence in yourself and the world will suddenly seem full of opportunities. </p>

<p>Don’t let rejection bring you down. Instead, learn from it, and do better next time you’re in a similar situation. If you don’t want to be shy, don’t be. You decide who you want to be. So think about who that is, and then start taking action to become that person a little bit more every day.</p>

<p>Sorry for responding late. Thanks for your comments so far. You guys all seem sweet and mature</p>

<p>I think i’m going to the smaller one. You used that term “run away”. Is it really running away if I just found the other one to be less intimidating?</p>

<p>Have you visited the second college? You liked the larger college before visiting it but changed your mind once you got there. That might be the case with the second, so take no chances and visit.</p>

<p>If you already have visited both and like the vibe of the second college better, then go for it. I can’t say I’m very experienced with this as I’m just going to college myself, but it seems to me that you’d be more likely to interact with people in a place you feel comfortable in (in this case, the smaller uni).</p>

<p>As for reviews, they don’t mean very much. Different people look for different things in college, and if they don’t find what they’re looking for, they will be inclined to be negative about everything they’ve encountered. If that makes sense, lol.</p>

<p>It sounds like you have visited the smaller school from your comments. Is that accurate?
If you have visited and genuinely feel more comfortable there, then that is the choice that you should make. As long as the school meets your academic needs, then your social and emotional needs are paramount.
What do your parents think?
You should also try to find a therapist (check to see what services they have on campus) and talk about your anxieties. You are one of many, many kids and adults who suffer from anxiety and social issues. It is so very common. Talking to someone, even just a few times, should help tremendously.
If you are able to see a therapist who specializes in anxiety before you make this decision, it might help give you the confidence you need regarding your decision.
You will make the right decision.
I am confident that you will succeed and enjoy college life!</p>

<p>If your first college is not your first any more, why should he stick with it? People are scared of setting new goals in life so they stick with their original plan. I say those are the cowards who don’t want to see what they actually want in life. In my opinion your personality fits better in a small school where people are usually a little more introvert in general. There will still be all kinds of people though, so you will find your group of friends there.</p>

<p>I began at a large Uni here in Sweden after I got denied into the LA colleges I applied to in the US. I did not feel like that place was for me, since it felt like everyone was the same (which contradicts that there is a larger variaty of people at larger schools). Yes, it was a “work-hard, play-hard” university, but after having tried that I got tired very quickly. Not only tired like in bored, but actually exhausted because I had to party to socialize. At least it felt that way. I am completely certain that you will have a much better time at a smaller school where people in your situation very often turn to. I applied to the US again and now I am going to attend a great small liberal arts college on the East coast. I already feel like I fit in when I look through the posts and comments in our own fb group for the class of 2017.</p>

<p>I know the feeling that you are “running away”, but that is just the scary thought of changing ones mind (I think) and actually realizing you were wrong before. I hope this helps!</p>

<p>My point is that college is a time for you to be forced out of your comfort zone a little. If you really think the other college is a better overall fit, then by all means go there. But don’t make that decision simply because you had a single bad experience.</p>

<p>I think it is only fair if you go and revisit the smaller college before making a decision.</p>

<p>Depending on how fast you act, maybe you could attend an orientation at the smaller college…this way you can see if you like it as well before you lock yourself intto a school. The money isn’t worth wasting if you don’t like the school you are attending so I urge you to visit the smaller school again if you can</p>

<p>First of all, you need to calm down and realize that NOBODY is talking about you! your friends, mom, dad, uncles, WHOEVER!</p>

<p>Now, I do understand that you are anxious about your social life. Why don’t you go to a local church? Or a dance club? There are people who would be happy to talk with you without giving you any stress. I thought my son was a loner in high school, but it turned out he was a very popular kid! I was amazed by his social skills, and I have no doubt that his future is bright.</p>

<p>OP, I also wanted to post that some anxiousness is to be expected. You have lived in one place for a while, established relationships, are used to the setting you are in, and ALL of that is about to change. As you feel that tightness in your gut, nervousness, etc, think for a minute and try to identify: are you anxious/scared or maybe nervous/excited. They can feel like the same thing (make you want to be sick to your stomach!) but the excitement sort of nervousness is a good thing and not “feared” like the anxious/scared feelings can tend to be. You may just be very sensitive and will have to tell yourself, “I’m just eager and excited” and then take some deep breaths and realize everything is going to go great. And, if you are thinking that people are talking about you, just start wondering about those people instead. Where are they from? How are they liking school? Do they play a sport? Have you seen them in the cafeteria before? etc… Take your mind off yourself by basically putting it onto others!
Good luck!</p>