<p>I don't know what I need. A therapist? A friend? A sign?</p>
<p>Oh goodness where to begin?</p>
<p>I'm a guy...</p>
<p>I'm socially awkward/anxious. It's probably pretty common but it seems to be controlling me life at the moment. So a week ago I went to the 3 day college orientation of the school I "knew" I was going to go to. Yes I was sure I was going, it's what I told everyone. What I didn't expect was to have one of the most horrible experiences of my life. By the end everyone seemed to be avoiding me or whispering about me. I looked up the reviews for this college and they said exactly what I thought. Most people here are "only here to party" and "shallow". The size of this place also intimidated me. I have a phobia of getting lost. The "Ra" was no help, asking in front of the people I was sitting with if I was shy. How the hell am I supposed to answer that question without it coming out pathetic. The worst part was I was clingy during the meals and the people I was sitting with were all like wth are you sitting with us?" I did put effort in trying to converse it just never seemed to pay off. </p>
<p>So now i'm thinking of going with my second choice college(both colleges start in a month). But here's the thing... it's small. 1,886 students. For some reason I thought people seemed nicer though. I decided to torture myself and look up the reviews for this college. Oh man... People said "The food is horrible, there's nothing to do, theres little partying unless you're in a fraternity( I never wanted to go crazy but I did want to try some things and have a little fun. I still want it to feel like college) The professors seem good. Also this place is beautiful and surrounded by mountains. Apparently there's nothing to do in the town next to it though.</p>
<p>All of the other schools I applied to(mostly suny) seem to look the same and have bad reviews. I feel like my family is lucky. They got into places like Binghamton, Cornell, Vassar etc. I'm just a tad under mentally qualified to go to those kind of schools.</p>
<p>I feel Trapped. I feel alone. I feel depressed. I feel like nobodies on my side. I don't know what to do. I feel limited. I thought everything was going to get better in college. I was hoping to finally feel I belonged. I wanted to feel like I had friends and wanted to begin to enjoy life instead of just fight through it like i've always done.</p>
<p>If you want more details or even the names of the colleges i'm talking about please ask. I'm so scared. I could really use advice or something. Thanks for reading.</p>