I am socially crippled. Am I better off dropping out of college?

College Life
41

<p>nysmile, here’s my response to your accusation that I have Narcissistic personality disorder:</p>

<p>----"Symptoms Narcissistic personality disorder symptoms may include:
Believing that you’re better than others "</p>

<p>I am just another random human being. Not better or worse than anyone.</p>

<p>----“Fantasizing about power, success and attractiveness”</p>

<p>I would like to be successful (who wouldn’t?), but am not concerned with power or attractiveness.</p>

<p>----“Exaggerating your achievements or talents”</p>

<p>Well, I have never “achieved” anything per se, besides being accepted to a university. And then again, millions of people accomplish the same thing every year, so my “achievement” is not even something worth bragging about. As for my talents, I have no talent that I know of. (I wish I had a talent, then I wouldn’t have to waste my time in college.)</p>

<p>----“Expecting constant praise and admiration”</p>

<p>I don’t expect constant praise or admiration. What I do want is every single person I come into contact with to treat me respectfully. They don’t have to treat me with reverence, just respectfully. As long as they treat me the way they would treat any normal person, I am all set.</p>

<p>----“Believing that you’re special”</p>

<p>I am just another random human being.</p>

<p>----“Failing to recognize other people’s emotions and feelings”</p>

<p>I am not a genius when it comes to emotional intelligence. I am not sure what that has to do with narcissism, though.</p>

<p>----“Expecting others to go along with your ideas and plans”</p>

<p>As a loner, I don’t really have a crowd around me that I can expect or not expect to go along with my “plans” or “ideas”.</p>

<p>----“Taking advantage of others”</p>

<p>I still live with my parents. Some could argue that I am taking advantage of them, but I don’t see it that way. As soon as I have a job (if I ever get one) I will help them financially.</p>

<p>----"Expressing disdain for those you feel are inferior "</p>

<p>Though I feel a certain amount of dislike for those who give me a hard time, I tend to look the other way. I don’t accustom to put people down and don’t like people who like to put other people down.</p>

<p>----“Being jealous of others”</p>

<p>I feel admiration for successful people who have defeated the odds and overcome adversity, but not “jealous” of them. Jealousy means “to feel unhappy because of another’s advantages, possessions, or luck.” That’s not me at all. If you are doing well in life, good for you, at least your life probably doesn’t suck as much as mine does.</p>

<p>----"Believing that others are jealous of you "</p>

<p>I grant you that in high school I was teased so much that at times I wondered whether my bullies would go away if I stopped doing well in school, but were they jealous of me? Looking back, I believe that the reason I was teased so much is because of my low interpersonal skills and disinterested attitude, but were the bullies truly jealous of me? If they were, I feel sorry for them for feeling jealous of someone like me. I mean, read the threads I write.</p>

<p>----"Trouble keeping healthy relationships "</p>

<p>As a loner, I don’t trouble keeping healthy (or unhealthy) relationships, because I rarely begin relationships.</p>

<p>----"Setting unrealistic goals "</p>

<p>The point of this thread is about dropping out of college. If you want to argue that dropping out of college is an unrealistic goal…</p>

<p>----"Being easily hurt and rejected "</p>

<p>I am a sensible person. So what? It doesn’t mean I am a narcissist.</p>

<p>----"Having a fragile self-esteem "</p>

<p>Perhaps I have low self-esteem, but that’s because I am overly aware of my limitations. That actually implies the opposite of narcissism.</p>

<p>----"Appearing as tough-minded or unemotional "</p>

<p>High school bullies seemed to really get a kick out of making fun of me, so I suppose that if I appeared unemotional, they probably would have gotten bored of making fun of me and gone away. As for the tough-minded part, I don’t suppose that’s the way I come across, feeble minded perhaps.</p>

42

<p>Transferring to another school won’t help since the origin of the problem is in the OP himself.</p>

<p>What do you do with your free time? What are you interesting in?</p>

43

<p>Sometimes transferring can be beneficial…it depends on what sort of school the OP is at now. Some colleges are more cliquey than others and attract more of a self centered population. Some schools are more open minded, down to earth and accepting.</p>

44

<p>I’m sure there are classes you can take that have to do with social skills!</p>

45

<p>"Transferring to another school won’t help since the origin of the problem is in the OP himself.
What do you do with your free time? What are you interesting in? "</p>

<p>ish718, I like to talk to people on the internet. As for academic interests, I enjoy doing math, but have become disinterested in that subject in light of the way so many people treat me when they learn I like math. I now feel ashamed to confess I like math.</p>

<p>"Sometimes transferring can be beneficial…it depends on what sort of school the OP is at now. Some colleges are more cliquey than others and attract more of a self centered population. Some schools are more open minded, down to earth and accepting. "</p>

<p>LilyMom, I got to a top 30 school known for attracting middle/upper class preppy students. Emphasis is on the liberal arts and on doing lots of extracurriculars while studying as little as possible. I prefer not to pass judgement on the people who attend that school, since I’d rather not generalize, and even if I could get away with a generalization, chances are I’d still be the one at fault here. To be honest, I don’t know what school would be beneficial for someone like me, as I’m not too familiar with schools other than the one I go to. Someone suggested a community college. With all due respect to people who attend community colleges, if I wanted to attend a community college I wouldn’t have bothered doing well in high school. I think I’d like to attend a school where academics take precedence over anything else and where the majority of students are not overly concerned with their physical appearance or social status.</p>

46

<p>I understand you do not want to pass judgement on your school population, but I just wanted to say that both me and my son started at schools that attracted more of a…let’s say wealthy/cliquey/self-centered population. Of course there are always exceptions to the rule and you can find nice kids anywhere, but in some schools its more the exception than the rule. I am not saying this is the case at your school, but we both found that when we transferred to a different sort of environment we were both much happier, made many more friends and felt more comfortable. Since you are a really bright student, I don’t agree that a CC would be the right choice. But I just don’t want you to rule out transferring if your school is not the right fit socially.</p>

47

<p>I’m only a freshman but it sounds like you would fit in quite well in the IT school of my college; its a pretty male dominated-college with people very passionate about their math/computer science majors (and other such majors I can’t think of right now lol). The people I’ve met from there had a sometimes have a rather odd way of socializing but seem to be very nice and non-judgmental. That’s the impression I’ve gotten from my school overall actually (in terms of the nice factor, but it’s actually a state joke that everyone is kinda like that there). Of course its a huge college and has a lot of other special schools (like the science-focused one) with entirely different kinds of students; I think the kind of people you met depends a lot on your classes/housing/luck because you can find just about any kind of person in such a huge place.</p>

48

<p>It sounds like you might be happier at a Tech school. At the very least, you wouldn’t have to feel ashamed about liking math. And in my experience, most math/science/engineering people care a lot more about academics than with appearance or social status. Consequentially, many of them are more tolerant about social abnormalities, so yours probably wouldn’t be so crippling.
I can’t speak for your college, but I find that the preppier cliques in my school tend to be judgemental about people who are less socially adept than them. If you’ve already developed such a strong reputation with them, chances are, it would be very difficult to change it. If transferring isn’t an option, you should find some other people to hang out with - maybe other math lovers?</p>

49

<p>Pmvd - earlier I asked you “Do you want to be social and just aren’t successful in that, or are you naturally a loner but feel pressure to be social for the sake of it?” and you said the latter. So it sounds like you don’t even wanna be social but are trying to be for the hell of it. Well, there’s nothing wrong with liking Math and not all math majors are socially awkward…i’m studying Econ and there are lots of Econ/Math majors in my classes, they’re not weird or anything. there’s plenty of people just like you at every college, I guess. i’m sure you can find a few people to hang out with at your own college, or else transferring might be a good idea.</p>

50

<p>“I like to talk to people on the internet. As for academic interests, I enjoy doing math, but have become disinterested in that subject in light of the way so many people treat me when they learn I like math. I now feel ashamed to confess I like math.”</p>

<p>Wth O_O, are those your only interest? What do you do for fun?</p>

51

<p>Talking to people online can be super addicting. But it’s not too healthy if those people are the ONLY people you talk to…I have my own forum with over 2,000 people, but I enjoy talking with real people. :P</p>

<p>Transferring will help, but only for the first few weeks. You see, if the OP “changes” now, the other people will be like “Uh…what’s going on with this dude?”. At a new school if he acts nice to everyone and all, they’ll like him.</p>

<p>Stand up for yourself. If someone makes fun of you, confront that person. Slap. Whatever. You’re an adult now.</p>

52

<p>"Wth O_O, are those your only interest? What do you do for fun? "</p>

<p>Computer, TV, music, movies, video games. That’s what I do for fun. I am not into any outdoors activity if that’s where you are getting at.</p>

<p>"Stand up for yourself. If someone makes fun of you, confront that person. Slap. Whatever. You’re an adult now. "</p>

<p>I don’t have the social skills necessary to do that. Besides, if I do that, I might end up like that other girl who posts on this forum, “TA8201” or whatever, she end up in a psychiatric hospital after she told her psychologist she wanted to beat up her tormentors.</p>

53

<p>Man the hell up, seriously; maybe you should stop thinking and talking so negatively and force yourself to think and act positively. It’s really not that hard - just force yourself to make small daily improvements in your thought patterns and behavior. If you keep saying you have no social skills and people dislike you, you’re merely reflecting what you think about yourself. And if you’ve (obviously) got no desire to change, just ignore everyone and go solo. </p>

<p>If something awkward or negative happens, just laugh it off and realize that it absolutely means NOTHING.</p>

54

<p>hey pmvd, </p>

<p>I am in the same way as well. I’m in community college right now and I really have no crowd to belong to either. All my friends move away and I can’t find a group of people who would hang out with me. I have an outgoing personality, but I’m pretty much reserved and shy as well. I’m not really consider myself bright and smart, but average. Everyday, I face school in a very lonely journey and I keep spiting negatives about myself, but like someone say before, you got to look at positives, what you make great. Maybe join a club or hang out with people talk to same subject something like that. I wish I can do it as well, but overall I still wish I have someone to talk to or be friend with :(. You’re not alone, we both need to find someone who are just like us, I guess. My problem is that I need to learn how to express myself and open myself. I’m still learning today. Well, Good luck, i hope you found someone.</p>

55

<p>" Man the hell up, seriously; maybe you should stop thinking and talking so negatively and force yourself to think and act positively. It’s really not that hard - just force yourself to make small daily improvements in your thought patterns and behavior. If you keep saying you have no social skills and people dislike you, you’re merely reflecting what you think about yourself. And if you’ve (obviously) got no desire to change, just ignore everyone and go solo. </p>

<p>If something awkward or negative happens, just laugh it off and realize that it absolutely means NOTHING. "</p>

<p>I welcome your advice, but unfortunately laughing things off has never been easy for me. It’s like asking a person with obsessive compusive disorder to stop his compulsion to lock and relock his apartment door. It’s easier said than done. Don’t forget that there is a mental illness in play here.</p>

56

<p>You know I used to be like you. I was extremely shy… I wanted to make friends, but its just so hard because theres always this fear of choking when talking, and I used to always think people judged me negatively in everything I did. Thats why I was never able to approach anyone and when somebody came and talked to me I would freeze up and give them one word answers so I never had a conversation with anyone.</p>

<p>But I changed. When college started i just decided to fight my fear and just talk to someone. The first person I talked to was a kid in my economic class. I just went up to him and said “hi, is this macroeconomic?” He responded yea, then i said “my name is _______, whats yours?” The was the hardest shiet I ever did in my life, but after that he and me became great buddies we talk about everything and anything, and eventually I made a bunch of other friends with him, and now we have this nice circle of friends.</p>

<p>You just gotta know that students in college aren’t like high school students, they’re open and want to make friends too. Just gather the courage and take the initiative. I know you have a problem speaking, I did too, but if you just keep forcing yourself to talk then it starts becoming normal, and eventually you become talkative, and mad open. Trust me just do it, even if you suck at talk just do it, people don’t really care! If they do then they won’t really be a good friend and try it on someone else.</p>

<p>JUSTDOITJUSTDOITJUSTDOITJUSTDOIT
JUST DO IT! Theres really no other way. JUST DO IT</p>

<p>Oh yea in club events, you would look much more akward if you just sat there not saying or doing anything, then atleast going up to people and attempting to introduce yourself</p>

57

<p>"You know I used to be like you. I was extremely shy… "</p>

<p>LOL jetlag. You were not like me. I am not shy at all. Unless by “shy” you mean “uncomfortable with others” rather than “timid”. I am not timid, but I feel uncomfortable around people.</p>

<p>“I wanted to make friends”</p>

<p>I don’t.</p>

<p>"but its just so hard because theres always this fear of choking when talking, and I used to always think people judged me negatively in everything I did. "</p>

<p>It is hard for me, too, but not because I fear chocking, but because I have nothing to say to people. I literally don’t have anything to say.</p>

<p>“Thats why I was never able to approach anyone and when somebody came and talked to me I would freeze up and give them one word answers so I never had a conversation with anyone.”</p>

<p>In that sense I am a bit like you…</p>

58

<p>hmm, the nothing to say problem is common for me too; I’ll just try to think of something that was funny/interesting that happened to me a little while ago to slip into the conversation beforehand (although mostly just listening and asking questions about the other person is more important; its important to show you not totally self-involved and would like to get to know them).</p>

<p>But yeah, if you don’t want friends I really don’t understand why you’re forcing it; some people just prefer their alone time. On the other hand, if you’ve never really tried making friends with someone who has your interests, you should at least give it a shot before you write it off as one of life’s smaller pleasures.</p>

59

<p>well they say you find all sorts of people in college
guess you just haven’t found the right people yet
definitely not a reason to drop out of college…just keep on searching and you’ll come across people who share the same interests as you
I’m going to college this fall so I don’t know much about the social scene but…try going to a college sporting event or some other big social event? always helps.</p>

60

<p>Play world of warcraft</p>