I am not mentioning which schools I am discussing because that is kind of beyond the point. Right now I go to the better state school in most aspects: “life”, the jobs you get hooked up with, and the overall better education. Right now I am a biology major but looking to move into a different major, specifically Packaging Science at the school i am at because it does get you really good jobs and somewhat interests me. However, I miss my best friend in the world right now more than anything. And when I mean best friend, I mean this kid is truly the best person I have ever met and we are so well-oriented together it is quite mind blowing. I decided to go to my current school because I think I will be more successful and my high school friend group that goes to the other school is kind of going down a bad path(hard drugs, not focusing on school). However I realized that even though they do all that crap I still don’t because it is against my values and not me. I have been pondering transferring alot recently. I still feel I would end up being set up with a much better job at my current school but being with my best friend at the other state school I feel would make me much happier and I feel our success grows with eachother. I am also currently pledging a fraternity that has alot of good guys but I just don’t have the same connection I do with my boy and other homies at the other state school. I am really really in need of advice. Thanks.
PS: My crazy ex goes to the other state school but I know that I can put her down.
Okay the school I am at now is Clemson and the other school is University of South Carolina. people at Clemson are looked at as higher beings here and by alumni while many people think UofSC people are “trashy”
It’s great that you have such a solid friendship. I think these close high school friendships can be maintained at different colleges, especially these days with cell phones! You say that your friend is going down a bad path, hard drugs and not focusing on school…do you really want to transfer schools to be with someone on this path? Would you truly be happier being with your friend like that? Chances are, the friend’s social group is on that path too. Is there any chance that you want to transfer to help out the friend? Because that’s admirable, but there are more effective ways that don’t sacrifice yourself (counseling, professional intervention by adults).
It may be possible that you don’t find anyone at your school that you don’t have such a special close bond with, and that’s OK. Plus, you sound like a freshman so it’s only been a couple of months (hard to socialize months, at that), vs years probably with the high school friend(s). For now you can have both (new friends and the old) and the new friendships will grow.
I’m not addressing the reputation part of your post because I personally don’t think it’s worth addressing or thinking of. If you chose your school for reasons that fit you, and those reasons are still there, it’s the right place for you.
First semester of freshman year is hard, incredibly more so this year, and the transition takes time. It’s normal to miss your high school friends. Don’t be afraid to make new friendships though, they don’t take anything away from the old.
You are comparing relationships developed over years of shared experiences with people you have barely met- of course the connections are not as strong! Give yourself a little time.
Decent odds that if they keep going down that path they won’t be in school for long, and then you would have transferred to be with people who aren’t even there anymore.
I can just about bring myself to give you the benefit of the doubt that ‘put her down’ is slang in your crowd for ‘handle that’. Be aware that to outsiders it does not make you look like a prince among men.
What you are feeling is a normal part of becoming an adult. If your “bestie” was just that, they will still continue to be that person for you no matter what paths you take and the distance between you. You should not have to sacrifice your dreams for that.
You are in the right school for you. Your friends are making bad choices and you dont need to be stuck in their mess.
Never make decisions based on the choices your friends make, not even your best friend. You do you and that is what got you into Clemson. Kudos to you! Stay the course.
Very insensitive of me I apologize to you and every woman/girl that read that. What I should have said was “but that will not be a problem as I can keep her away.”
Very insensitive of me I apologize to you and every woman/girl that read that. What I should have said was “but that will not be a problem as I can keep her away.”
– I remember a call from my son about this time in his freshman year worried that he will never find another friend like his HS BFF. Months later he had more friends from college than he ever had in HS and a number of them are his very close friends years after graduation. It takes time to find the people you mesh with and to cultivate meaningful friendships, shared memories etc… The frat may prove to be really good socially. Be patient – things may take even longer than usual in this time of covid.
–Your friends are not on a great path at their college. No reason to let them drag you down.
—College basically consists of two 14 (or so) week semesters a year. You will have plenty of time to see your HS friends during breaks, in the summer etc. And technology should allow you to stay in touch during the school year.
It honestly doesn’t sound as if you have any good reason to transfer except for this one friend. Meanwhile, you are just starting to put down roots where you are. You’re just now pledging a fraternity, and you’re also switching into a very cool and useful major that only graduates around 60 students per year, so you’re bound to find a lot more camaraderie in that cohort than you’ve experienced in intro-level biology classes. This all sounds terrific! Meanwhile, the social landscape over at USC is fraught with land mines, and you aren’t mentioning anything in particular that you’re excited about academically either - it seems to be all about your one friend.
I do, of course, get how one friendship can be that compelling. But then again, it’s not like you’re exiled to the other side of the planet. You have all sorts of connectivity to support your friendship, and hopefully it won’t be long before getting together in person becomes less difficult - your schools are only a two hour drive apart.
Overall, it just seems as if you’d be giving up way too much by transferring. Give yourself time to settle into your new major and your fraternity. With your friend, perhaps focus on making some joint plans that you can look forward to. Make plans to spend the summer together, or perhaps even identify a study abroad program that both schools participate in, that you could do together. But don’t give up a life path that you’ve worked hard for. There are other ways to invest in an important friendship.
@onceman I think most addressed the best friend issue above, but I’d like to address the behind-the-scenes of what may be going on. Freshman STEM classes are weed-outs. How are your academics going? You were granted a transfer into the packaging science program? That is a great accomplishment; it’s one of the best PS programs in the country!! Don’t pass on this amazing opportunity; give yourself time to settle in and really become a part of your school and your new major. This year in particular is difficult; you’re on campus, but not really living the full college experience because of covid restrictions. Some, but not all clubs are meeting, and it’s difficult to meet new friends. That will make your feelings of missing what “was” even stronger, especially if you’re watching your non STEM friends at another school partying it up. My advice: get involved! Put together a dorm chat, ask others to go to trivia at Barnes, go bowling at underground or go play spikeball on Bowman, go kayaking or paddle boarding, join the hiking club or get a group together to go eat cheap sushi or Mexican food in town or whatever your “thing” is. There is so much going on around you; you just need to jump in and get involved. This is the time of year when homesickness usually hits; it’s being magnified by the pandemic. The best thing you can do is get out there and experience what’s around you. Good luck
I have to be honest here, but I am scratching my head at a student who would choose to downgrade for no good reason, just to be able to see a friend more often. Maybe you need to make new friends. Maybe you will find (as is all too often the case) that you or your friend are a little too close and need to create some space to appreciate each other when you do get together.
I’m sensing insecurity here. I suspect you are worried that your friend is going to move on and you will be left without a bestie. I suggest you get out there and meet new people.
If you and your friend are truly good friends, nothing is going to change that. I am still best friends with a woman I met when I was 21. I am now in my mid 50’s. We see each other once every couple of years, if we are lucky. Your friend should be cheering you on at Clemson. You should make the most of your opportunities.
I would really not base my life on someone else’s at this point… especially one that
“does drugs and doesn’t focus on school.” What would happen if you transferred there and they dropped out? or transferred? or didn’t want to hang out with you? Or only wanted to spend “off time” doing drugs?
I recall one of my daughter’s classmates who turned out Oxford/Cambridge to go to a local college to be near his girlfriend…who broke up with him after a couple of years.
I suspect you are at Clemson and are having difficulties making new friends because of Covid…you look at your old friends attending college together and think that grass looks greener.
Not sure what type of relationship you have or had with your best friend to warrant such despair, but your best interests will be better served by remaining at your current school.
Are you in love with your best friend ? If so, then that presents a different issue. If not, then it is time to learn to grow & be your own person.