I Can't Wait to Graduate! (A chance to vent)

Hey y’all,

I’m sorry if you did not want to see anyone vent, but I just really need to get this out of my system because I just had an argument with my mother who always proves in the end to never listen to anyone else except herself. Of course, whenever I mention any of these problems, she always ends up yelling at me that it’s my fault because I’m never “positive” instead of actually listening to what I have to say. And let me just tell you one thing: I’VE TRIED TO BE POSITIVE FOR 7 YEARS. AND YOU KNOW WHAT? AND ONE POINT, THIS WHOLE THING JUST GETS TOO EXHAUSTING AND IT’S JUST WORTH IT IN THE END. SO YEAH, FINE THEN, I’M NOT POSITIVE, BUT I’VE TRIED TO THE LAST YEARS TO BE AND YOU KNOW WHAT? I’M TIRED OF TRYING BECAUSE I CANNOT SEE THE GOOD.

Okay cool, so I probably need to justify this now. Well be prepared for a long list of why I hate my school so much.

  1. Exclusive cliques: I go to a private international school that is 100000% exclusive. Sure, you can talk to other people from other cliques, but once you walk into another room with that same person, then other people from that person's clique starts throwing you dirty and weird looks as if you don't belong there. And of course, being the social person I am, I usually try to talk to this clique while I wait for my own friends to come because I figure that at one point they'll probably just want me to leave. But no, they don't want me to leave at one point because they want me to leave at THAT moment. And if they don't think you're cool enough, they'll even blatantly ignore you, even if you talk to them. They'll literally just glance at you and mumble one word before turning back other people. And so yeah, other people have been saying this in my school as well. And just for your information, my school got about a 30% on its score for the social climate (when they surveyed the students). So I think that should say a lot about how exclusive my school is.
  2. The cool kids: Still going off on the social scene. Because I'm in an international school, that means I'm in a foreign country, which also means that this makes it easier for kids to go out and get drinks or smoke. But there's more to this; to be cool, you basically should be someone who goes out partying once a month (since someone in my school always throws parties once a month at clubs), gets drunk every weekend at bars, go out to karaoke and get drunk there as well, and make out with someone at least 3-5 times at the aforementioned parties. And by the way, there is pressure to drink. Like, my closest guy friends are determined to get me drunk apparently. So yeah, you know, if you don't go out and do all of these things and basically ingest poison and get drunk and make stupid mistakes, then you're not a cool kid. And this is super obvious since this appears to be one of the only things that the popular kids at my school share. Yeah, they don't really understand that whole American culture where most kids can't actually go out and get drunk every week.
  3. Spoiled AF kids: Now I go to a private school on a scholarship that pays for over 50% of my tuition. Most kids have rich parents (think government kids, CEO kids, etc.) who can pay or rich companies who offer to pay. Yeah, so most of their money goes towards alcohol and such. Not to mention that they do not understand the value of work and feel free to go anywhere they like. Like people will literally stay out downtown past 1 AM. Oh and for senior trips, people are planning to spend two weeks in Europe or to go to Thailand for 1 week because the legal drinking age is lower there. I'm always watching out for money, but these kids just don't. Oh, and not to mention that most of these kids get into college because their parents can actually pay to get them in (or in some known cases, bribe their kid's way in). Plus there are a million legacies going on.
  4. Useless counselors: The counselors here are useless because they expect everyone to be rich and so they never actually advise others. For example, did you know that early decision applications are only mostly for the rich families who can pay for full tuition? Oh, because my family and a million others sure did not. Maybe that's why all the smart yet poorer students in my school got rejected (yeah, students who have won awards at competitions, scored perfectly on the ACT/SAT, participated in extracurriculars, gotten straight-A's, etc.) while all the more foolish and richer kids actually got into college (i.e. MIT, one girl literally paid her way). So yeah, it would've been nice if the counselors had actually told us. BTW, one of them also told my friend who got into a good university that he would not be able to survive there at all because he's basically so much dumber than the other kids there. Encouraging too, huh?
  5. School administration & student council: OH, they don't care that we're representing the student population there. Any changes we want to make are always rejected. For example, let's think about that dress code change my group tried to implement. We provided them with research and a whole school-wide survey that actually showed that students were unhappy with the outdated dress code. We even provided a new dress code that was approved by everyone else. Then the school administration sends back our proposal by saying that our argument is invalid because they didn't mean for any of the negative consequences that having an outdated dress code, like right now, to happen. WELL WE'RE NOT ASKING WHAT YOUR INTENTIONS ARE. WE'RE ARGUING THAT WE SHOULD HAVE A NEW DRESS CODE BECAUSE OF THE CONSEQUENCES THAT HAVE OCCURRED. So please stop trying to be in control 100% of the time.
  6. School only cares about its reputation: This is probably because I got to a private school, but my school only seems to care about its reputation. I mean, that's why there this one kid who gets drunk all the time and actually painted a Swastika sign on school property only got suspended for 2 days. That's why this one kid who cheated on the AP U.S. history exam only got suspended for 1 day. YES, 1 day! Oh yeah, also my school wasn't even planning on telling Collegeboard until parents and other students made them because they were more afraid of hurting the school's reputation than helping out the students. That's probably why they've been denying the rape incident that happened for 40 years and have been calling the 13 victims liars. Yeah, it was only until these victims went public about it that the school stepped in. Convenient timing right? As soon as this news goes public.
  7. School wastes all our money: Branching off on the school and how it only cares about its reputation, its spending all of our money on useless things. They have renovated the counseling area, the front of the school, the tennis courts, the library, and the hallway when everyone agreed that we did not need to. The middle school has at least 5 3-D printers, and they just made another music room when our music program is actually dying. Plus they keep increasing tuition at least by a minimum of 3%.
  8. Backstabbing friends: There are so many people who talked badly behind their friends, and I have personally had very bad experiences with friends too. For example, my friend applied to a university that I was also applying to. But she didn't tell me, and so I thought it was because she was scared of offending me. So I told her that I wouldn't be mad if she decided to apply, but instead she backstabs me and starts telling me that she's so hurt that I would doubt her and mistrust her. Basically she guilt tripped me. But I know that she was lying to me, and if you want all the proof why, I would be happy to reply to another post if you ask me to.

And I know, I know, there are also good things about my school like: the education, my friends, my sports team, and other teams/clubs. However, I’ve always wished that I could be attending a public American high school back in my hometown instead of this rich private school. I am constantly homesick and have even fallen into depression (as in, I know the least painful way to kill myself and how to go about it. And I have also talked to my mom about killing myself, to which she replied that if I were to do that, she would want me out of the house. She told me not to disturb/disrupt the community either and to go die in the mountains.) once before, but I promise that I’m fine now. But maybe the problem is also with my family since that seemed to change a lot when I moved here to. I mean, my father goes out and gets drunk every Friday now. He has a shorter fuse and treats my mom like his servant. Then there’s my mom who seems to find everything I do/am wrong: like being short is apparently my fault and not my DNA’s, I can’t speak her native language so I’m a failure, she’s always comparing me to other kids in the neighborhood and telling me that I have things so much easier and that what I’m doing isn’t hard at all, she doesn’t care if I never come back after college, clearly she doesn’t care if I die, she would rather just have my cat rather than me. Oh and apparently I didn’t study enough? Let me tell you friends, I took the SAT twice my junior year: November and January. I also studied for the SAT starting in June and didn’t quit until I was done with my January one. So yeah, apparently I didn’t study enough at all. Guess I should’ve started my sophomore year then!

And I’m not looking for sympathy, and y’all can criticize me if you want. I just needed to be able to express my feelings and emotions because I feel like I’ve always been forced to bottle them up for the last 7 years.

I’m a freshman in hs and I want to graduate already so I know how you feel. If you’ve been able to handle this for 7 years, you could probably handle it a little bit more

My daughters went to an international school and there was the partying pressure…but I made my kids not stay out all night and come home at a reasonable hour and they did well in school and went to US Colleges and graduated in 4 years and got a job right out of college. Some of the other kids are taking gap years and then are struggling to get into a University that they want to go do.

So set your sights on the future and make good choices that will help you reach your goals.

@Cali1127 Are you a senior, and if so did you get into a university that you feel is appropriate and that your family can afford?

Your complaints sound legitimate. Hopefully you will be in a better situation in September. Good luck to you.