<p>My guess is that the French teacher was trying to help you out by speaking to the math teacher. I don’t see what’s unprofessional in that. I think it’s sort of unprofessional of your parents not to have dealt more openly with GC and school during an absence of many weeks, to plan your smooth return. That left things uncoordinated and different teachers have different ways of dealing. I would deal with it as a misunderstanding, without casting blame—(math teacher sounds like a jerk to me but jerks happen) and I’d deal with it directly, with the principal and or/GC, probably followed by a meeting with all teachers. You need a solid plan that everyone understands.</p>
<p>“He can likely do so and get the matter resolved without ruffling more feathers. But, if you want to avoid that possibility of the situation getting worse, you should speak with them privately about it.”</p>
<p>Wrong, wrong, wrong! The only way things get accomplished in the public school system is to ruffle feathers and directly address the problem to the the person in charge. The squeeky wheel gets heard. Do not let this incident go. It was verbally abusive in nature and needs to be addressed. Your parents deserve the right to be heard and you deserve the respect of an apology. Their behavior was uncalled for and totally inappropriate. If you do the right thing and ruffle these feathers, they will be less likely to repeat any inappropriate behavior (especially towards you). Ruffling the feathers will protect you in the future while you remain in this public school.</p>
<p>In addition, if you were absent from school for more than a week, a plan should have been in place regarding making up the work.</p>
<p>There are a lot of wonderful teachers out there, and there are few bad apples. Over all we’ve had very good experience at our kids’ private school. But one lesson I learned early on was most teachers gossip. There is no teacher/student confidentiality privilege here. When my older daughter was younger, I thought it would be helpful to share some of D1’s “personal issues.” It was later on thrown back in our face on why D1 was not doing well in class. D1 also confided in one of her teachers that I was hard on her when she got a C on her test. At one of parent/teacher conferences, a different teacher brought it up with me about putting too much pressure on D1. After that, I asked both of my kids to not discuss any personal/family issues with their teachers.</p>
<p>I agree with many posters above - get your parents involved, make sure the administration knows what transpired. They should officially tell those teachers to work with you. It would also prevent them from retaliating against you because now they would know they are under the spot light.</p>
<p>Oh my goodness! I am so sorry to hear of this. As if you aren’t dealing with enough being out of school for an illness, you have to deal with all this. The short side of my opinion…they are adults and should know how to behave and how to treat someone. That is just awful they way they treated you when they are the big ‘grown ups’ here!
I agree with your dad…you need to meet with the principal and maybe even higher up if need be.
Good luck!</p>
<p>My take:</p>
<p>Teachers do “gossip.” It’s called coordinating and information-sharing. We are grateful that our son’s middle school teachers talked to one another about the best way to ensure that he could be accelerated in math and science. They worked as a team and addressed his situation as a team. The Spanish teacher had no way of knowing that S needed to be radically accelerated in math and science; but once he was made aware of this, he reluctantly agreed that S could skip one Spanish class a week. We did not make the request of the Spanish teacher. It was the other teachers who came up with that idea.</p>
<p>I believe the French teacher was trying to be helpful. But the way it came across to the math teacher was as a criticism, which the math teacher took badly. You may want to let the French teacher know that her intervention was well-meaning but seems to have aroused the ire of the math teacher, but do not adopt an accusatory stance and especially accuse her of unprofessionalism.</p>
<p>I would suggest asking the Principal’s help in defusing the situation rather than lodging a formal complaint to the Principal. This would entail explaining to the math teacher about the illness and its continuing effects on your health, and enlisting the teacher’s help in catching you up with the homework and the materials you missed. If that approach does not work, you can move on to a different strategy.</p>
<p>
What? What does “not hold the fact” mean?</p>
<p>**How do I handle this? My dad wants to go to the principal. **</p>
<p>Your Dad is very smart. He needs to go see the prinicpal.</p>
<p>Different schools have different rules about homebound. My youngest wen through it her freshman year. Her school needed a note from her physician that she would miss two weeks (consecutively) of school and they would put her on homebound. Her high school was very very accomadating. In her freshman year she ended up being homebound for an entire quarter.
As she got better, but not well enough to attend all day they encouraged her to attend half days. They also allowed her to go in for band when she could and even allowed her to participate on stage crew that year for her school’s musical, while homebound.<br>
It took a lot of pressure off her, the only class she dropped was photography.</p>
<p>Your parents need to get into the office and speak with the administration about the best options available for you.</p>
<p>I agree with everyone that it is time for a meeting with at least one of your parents, the GC, and the principal. Email will not cut it. You need a clear plan of support endorsed by the principal and executed by the GC.</p>
<p>I also agree that the French teacher was only trying to be helpful. The problem is that the math teacher behaved like a jerk. Berating a student in public? THAT was unprofessional. I’m also bemused by your meeting with her and the GC. YOU apologized??? Did SHE???</p>
<p>Both teachers behaved immaturely and unprofessionally, it seems. Nuff said about that, just repeating the consensus.</p>
<p>I am surprised nobody has mentioned an important life lesson you should take away. Never talk poorly about the performance of anyone with one of their colleagues. Assume it will get back to them. As a manager, I guarantee you it doesn’t turn out well in the workplace, and it didn’t turn out well here. I understand your frustration and needing to vent to someone you felt you could trust. But that’s what counselors and principals are for.</p>
<p>Public schools have a legal mandate to make education accessible to eligible students. If you had a one-time illness that kept you from school, your parents can help you work out a recovery plan with the school. If this is a chronic problem, the 504 is a good idea.</p>
<p>Be sure that you stress with the school that you are not asking for academic concessions. Extra time or accommodations does not necessarily mean that you won’t meet the same academic standard as other students.</p>
<p>Schools seem to be overly invested in defending policies and rules (and bad teachers) and under-invested in advocating for students. </p>
<p>I’m so sorry you’re going through this. My son went through the same thing in 9th grade and it was stressful and upsetting. But, we got the 504 which made catching up manageable and less stressful, and it’s been smooth sailing ever since. </p>
<p>You should not be punished for being sick and you should not be expected to do twice the workload of other students because you were sick. Take your parents with you and stand your ground.</p>
<p>
I agree your parents need to make an appointment and speak with the administration. Maybe not so much about the behavior of the teachers but about a plan to help make sure things go smoothly moving forward.
My daughter (a Senior in HS) is currently on homebound with an illness. I’ve met with the guidance dept admin 3 times to make sure everything was on track, especially since she is graduating this year. My daughter complained that her AP human physiology teacher was being difficult and was giving her a hard time (he wanted her to drop the course). When I met with him, initially he did seem difficult but after speaking with him I could understand his point of view. He was hesitant to allow her to obtain AP credit while missing mandatory labs (which could not be made up). We all worked together and came up with a suitable solution - she would continue in the course without the lab requirement and be given credit for human physiology (non-AP).</p>
<p>I agree that your parents need to intervene. You have been ill enough to miss weeks of school, and the school is obligated to provide reasonable accomodation; to enforce this obligation, you will need a 504 plan. It may also be useful to have your physician write a letter to the school explaining (in confidence to the principal only) your illness, your current medical needs and your need for an appropriate amount of rest as you continue to recover. Once your parents have initiated this process with the principal, they can then mention the incident with your two teachers, and ask that they be brought into the meeting in the principal’s office. It is important that any such meeting take place in the principal’s office and NOT in either teacher’s classroom. Your parents will of course need to be courteous but very, very firm. No getting sidetracked into discussing your work or study habits: “we’re here to talk about what happened on Tuesday afternoon in the copy room.” While they may not get an apology, the principal will be made aware of their behavior (and your French teacher may have meant to be helpful, not harmful, but clearly it didn’t turn out that way).</p>
<p>With the principal watching, I doubt that the math teacher will retaliate. </p>
<p>You are under too much stress for someone recovering from an illness, and it needs to be stopped. If the principal stonewalls or is uncooperative, use of the word “lawyer” can have a dramatic effect.</p>
<p>Good luck to you.</p>
<p>My dad emailed the principal this morning to ask how he would prefer we handle the situation. He suggested we take it up with my guidance counselor. Dad and I might end up meeting with the GC. </p>
<p>My family and I thought that I should go explain to my French teacher although no malice was intended with her sharing, she violated my trust and added complications to my catch up process in math. I decided not to. I’m a bit worried she would then share that with my Math teacher which would only fan the flames. </p>
<p>My main concern is that if I go to my GC with my concerns about the interaction, I will loose her as an ally. She has always been so supportive and helped my parents and I figure out my make up schedule and ultimately, she will end up writing the most important LOR. I want to be respectful but I don’t want to give in to my math teacher’s bullying. </p>
<p>Thanks so much for all of your support. Really, it has helped more then I can say.</p>
<p>When you go to your GC, assume that she is your ally. You don’t need to try to get her to criticize the math teacher or take sides against her. She may think that, but will be treading on dangerous ground if she voices it to you. Just make it clear that you cannot deal with a high level of stress right now, and need a plan that will put you on a good academic footing with all your teachers and that will prevent misunderstandings from happening. Keep your eyes on the long-term prize. If you deal with this in a mature way, it will only have a positive effect on you LORs.</p>
<p>good point Consolation.<br>
You can’t undo the past so concentrate on moving forward. This can be done while subtling acknowledging the math teacher’s unwarranted comments.
e.g. Your parents can go to the prinicple and tell him/her that you have been ill and have an ongoing medical problem. They can emphasize the need to move forward while telling his, as an aside, of the math teachers comments to you.
Don’t expect a reaction - the prinicpal won’t jump up and tell you the teacher is gonna get fired. You just need to communicate.</p>
<p>After my daughter’s condition stabilized she still had setbacks and missed ALOT of school. Some days were good and some days were bad. After I let the school know freshman year what was going on she was NEVER hassled about it. It was almost like she had a halo around her.</p>
<p>I hope your guidance counselor will advocate for you. Let’s hope for the best.</p>
<p>I found that often guidance counselors spend more time explaining policies and timetables to parents and students rather than explaining student needs to teachers and administration.</p>
<p>Warn your parents to be prepared to tell them that their concern is you, your health, and your education, not rules and regulations.</p>
<p>It’s the school’s job to work within the rules and regs to provide you with an education in a healthy environment. But the rules and regs are their problem, not yours. You and your parents need to focus on what’s best for you.</p>
<p>I’m not sure with the way you originally described the conversation with your French teacher that she really broke a confidence with you. Did you ask her not to say anything? If not, she may have interpreted your conversation with her as asking for her help, in a subtle way. She might have been better off asking if you would like her to say something to the math teacher, but if you didn’t specifically ask her not to say anything to anyone, she really didn’t break a confidence.</p>
<p>“Your parents should go directly to the Principal’s office tomorrow morning and discuss the unprofessional behavior of both teachers. If I were your parent, I would be in that office as soon as the door opens in the AM. I would also demand a meeting with both teachers present.”</p>
<p>Amen! This happened to me – only in my case, it was a fellow student I confided in, HE told the “math teacher” everything I’d said, and “the math teacher” blew up in an unprofessional manner and banned me from class because of what I’d said about her to my classmate. She demanded that I apologize to her publicly, etc.</p>
<p>As it happens, my principal was useless and ineffectual (private school), but you have to try. The kind of teacher who will behave this way can’t be reasoned with. You’re entitled to your feelings. In fact, you’re entitled to hate your teacher. Any teacher worth a dime doesn’t let a teenager’s opinion ruin her mood, much less throw a public tantrum and demand an apology as though the student did something wrong. You need a different math teacher, period.</p>
<p>I’m so sorry this happened to you! My kids also missed a ton of school throughout HS. They were at a private school, so they did not have the right to a 504 or other protections provided by federal law.</p>
<p>It is important for you to work with your school, starting with your GC to set up a schedule for you to make things up, and if needed get incompletes so you can finish them later if needed. You need to not tax your stamina after a prolonged illness and working with the school to set up a workable schedule will be invaluable for everyone so that you can make progress and not get overwhelmed by keeping up while you’re also trying to catch up.</p>
<p>It’s very awkward when teachers put students in the middle and some are “unhelpful” and even varying degrees of hostile for prolonged absences, even if due to health conditions over which the student had no control. My kids were miserable with that, as much as the illnesses and have been much happier in college, where they have a LOT more control over their schedules.</p>
<p>It can be tough choosing the right path. Since your dad already e-mailed the principal, who has referred your family to the guidance counselor, it sounds like the place to start. Good luck! Actually, guidance counselors are often MUCH more helpful than principals anyway (or at least they can be–our S’s was, our D’s not so much).</p>
<p>Yep. Dad is right. You must document the math teacher’s behavior. And feel free to talk to all your friends about it – it may give them the courage to document other problems. </p>
<p>Be kind to the French teacher. Sounds like she/he cares about you. She inquired how you felt – and tried to be responsive. </p>
<p>Don’t be a doormat. If you act like a doormat around the math teacher, you will be treated like a doormat. Work hard but be clear that HER behavior was unacceptable. Make it clear that it is up to HER to make amends. The homework is your responsibility but setting the quality of the atmosphere is hers. </p>
<p>If one meeting with GC, principal, teacher isn’t enough to get you to a happy place make it clear that you and Dad are determined to meet EVERY week until you are satisfied. Be relentless.</p>