I just finished my rough draft “sort of completed” appeal letter to USC. It took me about an hour for the second half because it brought back some fond, emotional memories.
I please ask you all to read it and comment on it. Is this a good appeal letter…
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The University of Southern California has been my first choice since I started high school, and it still is. I am willing to do anything the admissions office requires. I will take summer courses if the department believes I need to. I am willing to be accepted with an undecided major status. I want to stay open to the infinite amount of possibilities for different majors, and want to explore different careers, too. I am a person who can quickly adapt to any situation. I also wanted to state that I do not require any sort of financial aid or loans.
I was recently nominated for the Whos Who among American High School Students national foundation, and am now in their Honor Society. For a period of three to four months, I volunteered at a local church, tutoring children in the subjects of algebra, geometry, and science.
During the end of the first semester of my junior year, my grandfather passed away. This was very hard for me to cope with, since I was extremely close to my grandfather and it was my first experience with death. I was by his side, holding his hand while he passed away at Saint Josephs hospital, next door to my school. I would give anything to spend one more day with my beloved grandfather. My finals came right after my grandfathers death, and I was not able to do my best during the week of testing, which resulted in grades much lower than I could have gotten. Exactly two months later, my second grandfather passed away. This came as a shock to me and my family, since we were just getting over my first grandpas death. It was a very hard time for me; however I overcame the grief and sadness and did my best in school.
Ever since my grandfathers deaths, my grandmother has been living with us. She spends a month living in our house, and then spends the next month in my aunts and uncles house next door. Since the deaths, I have been spending every single extra minute with my grandmother. I spend much more time with her than I ever have in my whole life. I have never been too busy to refuse spending time with my grandmother. We usually eat together when I get home from school. She always asks about my day, and praises me for my grades. Her presence always brings joy to me, whether or not I had a good or bad day. I spend as much time as possible with my grandmother, because I have learned to cherish every single moment in life. Anything can happen, and sometimes telling someone how much you care and love them and care for them can mean the world to them.<br>
My life has completely changed since my grandfathers passed away more than a year ago. I live every day of my life to the fullest, and enjoy spending more and more time with my family. We have always been a close family, but I believe my grandfathers deaths brought us even closer. I wake up every day, thankful for having a great family, true friends, and most of all, for having the gift of life. I want to give myself every opportunity to excel in anything I choose to do. USC can further open my eyes to a world of new opportunities, including new subjects, new programs, and a new college life. If the University of Southern California is willing to give me a chance, I am willing to do anything that is asked of me, and I will not disappoint.
<p>Okay.. I dont think you should include the <code>who</code> s who<code>nomination...it</code> s nothing prestigious,it<code>s more of a scam. Colleges frown when the see this on an application. I dont think they would like this on an appeal letter.
Have you gotten any other awards recently(that you did not write on your application)? Anything else that you could tell the colleges? To appeal a rejection, you need to give a legimate reason as to why your decision should be reconsidered. I know your grandfather</code> s deaths have affected your life, but I think you need to show the colleges more than that.
Then again, I`m not an expert on this..... this is just my opinion.</p>
<p>It is clear how difficult it was for you after your grandfathers died. I am not sure, however, if that's the kind of appeal letter that would have a good chance of reversing your decision. From what I have read, reversals tend to happen if there were errors in the original application that caused the candidate to appear to be a weaker applicant than they were in reality. An example would be if the wrong transcript was sent.</p>
<p>Have you talked to your GC about appealing? Your GC would be in the best position to give you advice on it.</p>
<p>My thoughts are that if you're going to ask that your application be reconsidered, it would be best if the info about the deaths in your family came from your GC. That would make the info more credible.</p>
<p>I think your appeal letter would be stronger if you focused on any honors/achievements that you got after applying, and if you focused on any honors/achievements that you may have inadvertently forgotten to mention in your application.</p>
<p>I agree with the above poster about "Who's Who." It's not a real honor.</p>
<p>I agree that you should not discuss the impact of your grandfathers' deaths in this letter. Please take a breather and rewrite the letter when you are feeling less anguished about not being admitted. Discuss any changes since your application, clarify anything you feel needs to be clarified, and talk about why USC is your dream school. Where were you accepted? You also need to start thinking about embracing those schools and moving on after a rejection. You learned a lot by dealing with the loss of your grandparents. This loss, taken in perspective, is much less, and you can apply the lessons you learned to this situation. You say you wake up grateful for your friends and family and for the gift of life. Life is good, and you can be happy at some of your other choices too if you maintain your good attitude. Be well, and best of luck.</p>
<p>I agree with Northstarmom that you need to go over this with your counselor. This needs to be a much more factual letter about why you should be admitted.</p>
<p>I think you shouldn't include the grandfather's death, maybe have the GC rec state thats why your final grades were low. No offense but a lot of people might use that as an excuse and colleges might not believe you.</p>
<p>Sorry guys, i was kind of outta my head last night and i noticed i took this too far. Im having the personal counselor write up a letter in regards to my grandfather, and am now sitting in the office trying to type up a letter again from what I had. </p>
<p>I just need some help, though. I don't know how to word the beginning of my appeal. What can I talk about besides my new grades, some small stuff ive done, and my commmitment I will show? Any recommendations will be perfect, and even a sample appeal letter would be wonderful. I only have two days for this.</p>
<p>Chris,
my son's grades were impacted in his sophomore year due to elder care chaos with my parents. I discussed this with his GC, and she included this information in her recommendation. My son mentioned the situation briefly in his apps, emphasizing the positive aspects of caring for his grandparents. </p>
<p>Family crises are 'personal factors' in a college application. If this information was not included in your initial application, you may have a reasonable basis for appeal. As others have said, your GC is the best person for this information to come from. I suggest that you - or a parent - discuss this situation with your GC as soon as possible.</p>
<p>I think you said in another thread that a parent works for USC. I would say how much a part of the USC family you've always felt. If you've sat in on any classes or know aome profs you want to study with I would mention them by name and talk about their classes or research you want to participate in.</p>
<p>ok, when I read this I did really think it was satire. Absolutely do not mention Who's Who. That will show you judge very poorly, as that is not a legitimate achievement to be mentioned--it is just a vanity publication. </p>
<p>Do not mention that you will do anything to get in. Desparation is unattractive. Instead mention what you have done or are doing to prepare. Be specific</p>
<p>A small thing about deaths in the family is ok, but going on and on about grandparents and family does not show why you are a good candidate. </p>
<p>The biggest problem with this essay is that it is cliched and unspecific. Look how many times you use the word 'anything'. You are going to have to scrap this and start over. You need to get beyond generalities. Can you think of a tough class that you succeded in and why? Specifics about the Ec's-- What month's did you tutor? who were the kids?</p>
<p>"I want to give myself every opportunity to excel in anything I choose to do. USC can further open my eyes to a world of new opportunities, including new subjects, new programs, and a new college life." This is true for any college and is just to generic. What is specific about USC?</p>
<p>Chris,
as you can see from Bettina's reaction, you really do need to scrap all or most of the essay - especially now that you have your GC on the trail! </p>
<p>I think I might start by asking admissions to look beyond the numbers - and then go on to specifics that will demonstrate that you will be good for USC and USC will be good for you.</p>
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ok, when I read this I did really think it was satire. Absolutely do not mention Who's Who. That will show you judge very poorly, as that is not a legitimate achievement to be mentioned--it is just a vanity publication.
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<p>How come I didn't know this when I was in HS?</p>
<p>i am sincerely writing this to let you know there are major flaws in that letter. As a person who has been rejected by all american schools that i applied to, i feel compassion and sympathy for you. I also thought of writing an appeal, however, i don't think an appeal letter would help, b/c afterall, i believe my essays for the apps were my major downfall. However, even as a bad writer, i still notice the major contradiction in your essay(i don't mean to critize, i would like to advise you to come up with a better one, so you'll not face rejection again).
Notice how you said you adapt to any situation well, you contract that claim in the essay by stating the death of your grandfather(s) had major impact on your grades, which demonstrate you could not have adapted to situations well. So, I think what you should do is to think of a different claim, one that is more believable (i am not saying this essay isn't about a real event, however, it seems a little vague).
In addition, the main point your trying to prove should be you would do anything to go, although i don't think that's a good reason, makes you seem to desperate. You should write somewhere along the lines of How Much you would love and appreciate the opportunity to study there, and also how you would contribute to the school/benefit from the studying environment.
Fill it with passion, i am sure you'll be fine.
Good luck, hopefully you'll have better luck than I :)</p>
<p>BTW if USC is your dream school and you really can't be happy anywhere else (a sentiment I'd dispute, but that's not the point of my post) then you do have another option that hasn't been pointed out yet.</p>
<p>Take a gap year. Work with your guidance counselor, any advice you can get from the adcom's at USC, books that talk about the gap year, and put together a plan so that you're a stronger applicant next year.</p>
<p>The point I'm making is that if you take a year off (which might not be a bad idea given the stress you've been under) and work hard to strengthen your application, then in the long run it won't make a difference that it took an extra year thru college and it may enable you to attend USC.</p>
<p>I think u come off as a little erratic and desperate in the first couple of sentences which may not be a good thing. I think u should mention more about why usc would be the perfect place for you (depending on if u mentioned it before in ur other essays). </p>
<p>I wouldn't recommend taking a year off though. U might have to have some major accomplishment during that year for the college to consider u again. In my opinion, don't put ur life off b/c of a college decision. It's just not worth it no matter how much u love the college. Think of the numerous of other options later on if u want to go to USC: transfer, graduate school, etc. </p>
<p>I'm sorry about what happened but i wish u the best of luck in ur appeal</p>
<p>Mention who's who (especially if its in the first paragraph), and they will trash your appeal (japstudent, i heard they laugh more than they frown). Pretty much what everyone said: do not send this letter, there are MAJOR flaws. Namely, the lack importance of most of your details (I don't think they want to hear about things like how your grandmother praises you no matter your grade- its a sentimental moment for you but it has no place in an appeal letter). You mention USC at the very beginning and the very end- the rest are details that has nothing to do with why USC would be advantagous to accept you. Theres little/no connection between what you can offer to USC and what you gained of importance to a university from your grandfathers passing. You cherish life (im sure this is a trite statement by now in college admissions), but how's the university suppose to gain from this? The reader may feel sad for your situation, but it wont move them to repeal a rejection. talk to your college counselor as he/she is probably seasoned in how to deal with this type of situation and better portray it in words.</p>
<p>I do not want to sound rude but the letter makes you soudn kind of desparate. I think it would be better if you took a different approach. write about why you like the school so much and what you will bring to it.</p>