Hey guys, I wanted to get your opinions on something I’ve been dealing with recently and rather confused about. I was nearly sold on the fact that if I got into BC, I would go there. It seemed beautiful and academically strong-- which it is, and I would recommend BC to anyone even now. However, during my tour and for the past few days since, I have been dealing with the fact that I felt rather uncomfortable and couldn’t see myself going there. I still can’t pinpoint what the problem was and to be completely honest I feel like my family is rather disappointed in me. BC is a really big name where I am from (it’s like getting into Stanford if you’re from the west coast, I guess) and knowing I could go made them really excited. Now my college application list is shrinking (only applying to NC State, UCONN (in state), UMASS Amherst, Bentley, and Simmons) and I’m starting to worry. Is there something wrong with me? Should I still apply? (Keep in mind I was so uncomfortable that I nearly left the tour early, but stayed because I did not want to be disrespectful to the tour guide.) Did anyone else experience touring a top school that they could likely get into, but did not like whatsoever?
I almost feel guilty because I know so many of my friends who would love to go there but can’t get in, but I can get in and don’t want to go. It’s been making me question a lot about myself as a person, whether I’m not confident enough, whether I should not be as compassionate, even whether or not I should go to college period. (If I can get into a top school, but don’t want to go, am I even worth an investment as a student?) Looking for any guidance anyone can offer here.
A couple of comments in no particular order:
–In general I’d say to trust your gut.
–If you visited BC over the summer you may not have got a true representation of what the campus feels like when students are there.
–You can always apply if you want and re-visit if you get in, but if it doesn’t feel right in the end, go elsewhere.
–This isn’t the first time that a college that appears perfect on paper turns out to not be the right fit. FWIW I was sure we found the perfect college for my D (at least on paper)…but we ended up leaving the tour early to visit another school.
There’s a lot to unpack here, so lemme give it a go. First off, cold feet are totally normal at this stage! Don’t worry! Also, not every school is going to jive with you and that’s okay. That said, one visit (esp. in the summer, when you can’t get a real feel for a given school’s vibe) is probably insufficient to make a final judgement on a place. It can’t hurt to apply (aside from the cost – I know that sucks) and visit again if BC is in fact an option. Which brings me to another point: while I’ve no doubt you have the stats to get accepted to BC, you’d be surprised at how unpredictable this process is. I was flat-out rejected by several less selective schools and waitlsted at many of BC’s peer schools, but was accepted to BC with 4 year’s housing (top 15% of applicants). BC in particular looks a lot at fit and if you’re not feeling BC, maybe it truly is not a match.
My bigger question is why your list is so short? If it is a matter of cost, you should look into fee waivers or see about babysitting/tutoring/working to come up with some money to spring for a few more apps. If your concern is more about the time it will take to write good apps and not about cost, get a jump start ASAP and remember that with the Common App, you’ll be reusing a lot of your materials (thank God!). If you let us know what you are interested in studying and what you’re looking for in a school, we can come up with a few other schools to add to your list. I think 7-10 schools is a fair amount. That said, if you liked BC before your visit, it may be worth a second chance. PM me if you have any questions about the school at all (though I honestly don’t check here too often, I’ll get back to you eventually), watch video tours on YouTube, follow the BC Instagram/other social media, and see if you warm to the place. If you don’t, don’t feel any guilt at all! You will need to focus on finding a couple of reach schools to replace it on your list at which you would be happy.
Another thing: have you attended any other college tours before? Are you possibly conflating discomfort with a college tour with discomfort with BC? Was going on the tour make the stress of college apps/anxiety about going away to school feel too “real?” Or was it something about BC that set you off? Regardless, it’ll be important that you try to reflect on what you didn’t like to see if it is 1) BC-specific and 2) Something you can try to avoid at another school.
I’m confused about this. At first I thought you were accepted and had enrolled for this fall. Then, reading further, I saw that you haven’t even applied. So the question is, how do you know you “could go”? You haven’t applied. You haven’t been accepted. Having top grades and scores (assuming you do) is necessary – but not sufficient – for getting in. Many top students are rejected.
Second question. Why is your college list shrinking? There are thousands of colleges in the U.S. My hunch is that you have not blown your search wide open, that you and your family are familiar with a limited number of colleges. If you tell us what your budget is, what you are interested in studying, and what type of college interests you, we can help you build a good list.
Nothing obligates you to like BC. That’s why you go on college tours! You went. You didn’t like. No biggie.
I noticed on another thread that you are interested in computer science, and have a pretty good weighted GPA and a 1420 SAT. I didn’t see your unweighted GPA.
To me, Boston College is a good school. However, I don’t see it as being so strong that you should apply if you don’t want to go there. There are plenty of other very good schools for CS. Having worked in high tech for many decades, I don’t recall meeting any CS graduates from BC although to be honest I am not sure why.
Being in-state it makes a lot of sense to have UCONN on your list. I have worked with lots of CS graduates from U.Mass Amherst and it certainly makes good sense to have it on your list also. Have you visited these schools? If so, can you explain what you liked about these schools that you didn’t like about BC?
Do you feel that you should have more schools on your list? You certainly need two safeties that have a good program in your intended major where you would be happy to attend and that you know you can afford. Strictly speaking you might not need anything else but most students prefer to also have matches and in some cases reaches.
The SAT score middle 50 percent at BC is 1310-1450. You are in the mix, but it’s hardly a slam-dunk. We also don’t know about your GPA, rigor, and essays. Even if it were a slam-dunk, you are under no obligation to go there or even to apply!
I think the problem is not that you don’t like BC. The problem is that you are feeling the pressure of your family’s expectations, and for some reason they are hyper-focused on BC. Just shrug it off.
The fact that you assume you “can get in” tells us that your knowledge of college admissions is limited. Right here is a good place to start to get help. Tell us your unweighted GPA, weighted GPA, all test scores, rigor of your HS schedule, what you want to study in college, and – importantly – your budget. How are you planning to pay for college?
CS at UMass Amherst is better than at BC.
You don’t have to like BC. If, say, you t like Catholic colleges, or don’t want a heavy core curriculum with theology and philosophy, it’s okay. It doesn’t mean your let has to shrink. It means you need to find there colleges to apply to. What about Northeastern? Smith? Lafayette?
Also,what your parents’ budget? Can they afford your EFC? Have you run the NPC on each of these colleges?
My daughter nixed her first choice on paper school after visiting as well. She actually hated everything about it - the presentation which was focused on everything but STEM, the tour guide who was in the same major that only talked about non academics, and the nail in the coffin was the professor she met with who cared nothing about career readiness and couldn’t answer any of her research questions. She asked multiple times to see lab facilities or project spaces and was refused. There was no further discussion. She also took our family alma mater off the list (that one hurt a bit more).
This is YOUR search, not your family’s. The whole point of college visits is to figure out what schools you could see yourself attending and feel good about. There are tons of schools out there, keep researching!
That is okay! Not every school is a good fit for you. When I was growing up, I heard great things about BC and have had some good friends go there. It was a good school, in Boston, and have a great deal amount of school pride. When I visited over the summer, I immediately didn’t like it at all. I wasn’t a fan of the hilly campus and the gated community, everything seemed overtly church-like and in your face, and perhaps most importantly the people seemed to be more “preppy” and from more affluent backgrounds than I was used to. I didn’t realize this was something important to me at the time – but later I realized that having a diversity of students was important to me. It is a top school and excellent school, but it doesn’t have to be for you if you feel like you wouldn’t fit in there – it wasn’t for me so I didn’t even apply. To my surprise my brother applied and got in and will be attending this fall, but different apples for different people.
The good news is there are SO MANY colleges out there that are top schools that can also be great fits. For me I found it hundreds of miles away from my home at William & Mary, which was actually the last school I visited, that had a great community culture and intellectually curious students. I would recommend making a broader list of colleges that interest you, not being stuck at this one school, and then go on visits to them – and eventually you might find the college that is the perfect fit for you. I think trusting your gut instinct to some extent is right and it – doesn’t matter what your friends would or wouldn’t do – it’s not their decision but up to YOU where you go to college.
@brantly I did not disclose why I see BC a “slam-dunk” because, frankly, it’s not going to be the same for other people. I will just say that I have “strong family ties” and would not need to be as worried as others about getting in.
@DadTwoGirls Hi! I really like UConn for its diversity of majors and class choices. I also really liked the physical campuses, food, and the people I met while there. I feel similarly about UMass. The sizes of both schools is also attractive because I come from a decently small town (graduating class is ~200) and I like to have a lot going on wherever I am, so I am hoping that student orgs and such will be active. Those two are definitely my top choices. Thank you for your kind words :).
It is perfectly normal to dislike a school when you get to see it up close and vice versa. We walked out of many presentations and sometimes didn’t get out of the car. My child did not have a dream school throughout the process but is happy where she landed. Do not pick a school based on rankings or others but rather where you feel comfortable. I recommend you visit a number of schools close to home just to get perspective on what you like and dislike about different schools.
@brantly Hi, the replies loaded a bit weird so I just saw your first comment now. My list is shrinking because I am going into my senior year and I am learning what I like through tours and other resources. I’ve been able to apply one tour and think of what I didn’t like (wasn’t hard to pinpoint for every other school expect for this one) and apply it to others which are similar. I also had a major medical shift and development in my family which will not have huge financial implications but does make me want to stay closer to home and a majority of the schools I was looking at were sprinkled around the country.
@edgeook8 Hi! Thank you for your kindness and care on this topic. My list is short because of the shift that I did not really detail but explained a little bit above. Regarding doing other tours, this is maybe my eighth? I have only really liked four of the schools I have toured.
What are some of the things that you are interested in and what didn’t you like about BC? Perhaps we can make suggestions of other schools that might be worth taking a look at. It sounds like both UConn and UMass are both larger schools with a good amount of school pride as well, so you might be more comfortable in a larger environment with more selection and a wider range of students.
This is perfectly normal. You do not have to force yourself to like a school. What you liked as a rising junior is probably much different now, especially due to life or other circumstances. I can think of two or three schools where, like you and BC, they were perfect for me on paper but when I visited there was just something missing. It is a waste of time to apply to BC if you would not love to attend…it’s not going to matter if you could get in or did once you’re happy and settled wherever you end up.
Within what distance of home do you want to be? If you live in Connecticut, hundreds of colleges are within a few hours’ drive. Goggle “colleges in [name of state]” and do it for NY, CT, MA,NJ, RI, VT, and NH. Maybe check out Rochester Institute of Technology, in addition to U of R, which someone above suggested. Also Worcester Polytechnic Institute, Fordham University, RPI, SUNY Stony Brook, Marist College, Rutgers, Quinnipiac, Stevens Institute of Technology, Providence College, University of Vermont, University of New Hampshire, and Skidmore. If you can stretch your reach to Pennsylvania, check out Carnegie Mellon, Villanova, Drexel, and Lehigh. This list includes various levels of selectivity.
Last year there were 24000 rejected students who would have loved the spot. And 5000 from the waiting list who never got that phone call they were hoping for and will go elsewhere. If you didn’t like the school it’s really ok. Really.
And if your parents are legacies that will help but there were several double and more legacies rejected this year. You can find them on class of 2022 admissions threads on selection day. They were complaining on cc and they had very strong stats. Don’t confuse legacy status with sure thing.
If your uncle is the dean of the business school etc that can be a major help. I would visit again when students are in session one more time. It’s a pretty amazing place. If they work at the school it can help for sure but definately not guaranteed.
If your family donated $5mm bucks for a building then you may be considered a development case at other schools. Then your parents, their attorney or their financial team should make a discreet inquiry into the development office.
FYI. The admitted 2018 class had an average SAT of 1458 and 33 ACT. This of course includes recruited athletes and diversity and inclusion candidates that historically lower this number. Meaning someone without these attributes would have to have a higher average profile than those numbers.
2 weeks ago the OP didn’t think she had a shot at BC.
OP, what changed in the interim?
I also see from other threads that you’re interested in women’s colleges. I wonder if BC seemed to “bro”-ish? Is it maybe the Catholic tradition you’re worried about?
Regardless, don’t apply if you know in your heart of hearts that you wouldn’t want to go. I’m sure you can find a better personal match that makes you happier.
Catlover. I think its great that you are realizing what you like and don’t like now. It would be awful to start your college years unhappy. So many students find it hard to deal with change to begin with and then there is the possibility of a difficult roommate situation etc so you certainly want to at least be excited about the school in general and as a whole so the other situations that can arise aren’t horrible. Visit UConn Storrs it is really an incredible place. The school spirit is unbelievable the food is very good and the programs are excellent. If you are in state it is a fantastic opportunity for the lower tuition. One of my sons is there and boy once a husky always a husky is really true!!