<p>okay. :-)</p>
<p>Would it be better to just withdraw this semester or try and tough it out? Right now I’m already going to fail one class and will get a c and a b in the other two classes. How bad does a withdraw look if I’m able to explain it?</p>
<p>I think bopambo hit the nail on the head and offers some very good advice. If you are certain that the bad rep will follow you, then perhaps start thinking about a transfer. People do it all the time, more often than you think. As hard as it is, try not to let this situation totally dominate your life. It will be behind you before you know it. Life is just too short to be this unhappy, especially at your age. Learn from whatever mistakes you have made (we all make them!) and move on.</p>
<p>Another thought is, do you have to live on campus? Perhaps moving off and getting out of the dorms would help alleviate your stress. You would see a lot less of the people who you feel have branded you.</p>
<p>While at first I was going to say “don’t transfer” because we take ourselves with us wherever we go, now I think you should go through the transfer application process for this reason more than anything: having choices will make you feel better. You’re depressed because you feel like there’s no way out of your situation, and that’s the worst feeling – I know – whether it’s a school, a relationship, or a job. </p>
<p>So pursue the transfer option (and you may transfer, or you may decide to choose Berkeley all over again, but it will be YOUR choice – you’re not stuck and hopeless), and at the same time, keep up with counseling (and maybe try a different counselor if you don’t “click” with the first one), continue taking responsibility for your own actions but pat yourself on the back – you’re not a horrible person – you made some mistakes, you realized it, you’re experiencing the consequences and now you’re making changes.</p>
<p>Keep us updated. Good luck.</p>
<p>I think you should withdraw for the semester if you can afford it. From the level of depression that I sense in your posts, I would try to make it a medical withdrawal/leave, and get your grades wiped from the slate for this semester. Prior to this, your academic record is most likely excellent, right?</p>
<p>You can take classes at community college, or you can take classes as an unmatriculated or continuing ed student at most any college or university, including Berkeley (online, or on campus, day or evening or weekend, many choices). You should also be aware that most schools will accept up to 75 or even 90 transfer credits, so you have a lot of freedom of choice in terms of how you accumulate those credits: at several schools, at one school, online or on campus, low residency, CLEP, credit for life or work experience etc.etc.</p>
<p>It is also not necessary to go to a residential school or to go to a residential school as a student who lives on campus. Honestly, the students attending a 4 year residential school and living on campus are a minority these days.</p>
<p>And you can always return to UC Berkeley.</p>
<p>So the school end of things will take care of itself.</p>
<p>Now, the main thing: your mental health, social skills, and some combination of these. Did you have these issues in high school, or are they new? Can you talk with mental health at Berkeley before you leave? Do you have a way to get help at home or wherever you might go once you leave? Have you ever been diagnosed as being on the autism spectrum, or anything else that could shed light on the situation? At the very least, you are suffering from depression, and it sounds severe enough so that it may be causing you to see “hate” from other people in big letters: this is not a bearable situation for anyone. Please get some help that will help you feel better. You deserve it, and try to remember that you do even in the midst of the unpleasantness that you are now experiencing.</p>
<p>Take care!</p>
<p>You’re definitely right in that I have to learn from my mistakes. I’ve started taking advantage of the counseling services on campus by seeing a counselor once a week. My social situation is my fault completely, but I really do need a fresh start. I’m not absolutely certain whether or not my bad reputation will follow me into the next year but it certainly has stuck with me despite the fact that I’ve been polite to everyone I interact with. I do live on campus and it definitely makes a difference in my quality of life because I have to interact with people who dislike me on a daily basis. I lived in the dorms for the summer semester and despite the fact that it has been almost a year since I’ve seen the people on my floor from then, several of them still hold grudges against me. Because of instances like this, I’m afraid that the people I’ve conflicted with this semester will continue to hold grudges. I’m figuring out why so many people hold grudges against me. I’m completely honest when I say that I don’t insult anyone personally and I try to be polite to everyone. I do tend to “run after people” so that may contribute to people’s opinion of me as a creep. I also gossip a bit too much, but I’ve been working on that and I don’t think that’s a problem anymore. I’m planning to take a semester or year off so that I can work on my depression/social issues, get job experience and work on time management. When I come back, I don’t want to have these problems repeat themselves. I’ve already had a bad experience in high school, so I’m really trying to have a great college experience. That’s why I want a clean slate. I’m also trying to get a medical leave of absence because my depression is preventing me from concentrating on my classes.</p>
<p>I’ve always been shy but I’ve never had this many social problems in high school because I didn’t go out of my way to interact with people like I now do in college. With that being said though, I’ve always valued the opinions of others to an unnecessary extent. This is the first time I’m seeing help for my situation even though I’ve been depressed before. I think I might be over-analyzing others and seeing hate in them even though they might not be hating.</p>
<p>Me again. The “running after people” – can you give us an example? Because if I saw a friend of mine on campus, I’d run up to them, but if they were trying to avoid me (i.e., walking quickly away from me) I probably wouldn’t.</p>
<p>Not to be an armchair psychologist, but do you think you might have some issues akin to Asperger’s (in terms of doing the social dance)? I have known many brilliant kind people who just rub people the wrong way, and it’s very painful to be the one who gets rejected and not really know why. Just a thought.</p>
<p>By running after people I mean being friendly to everyone (whether they like me or not), saying hi to them and being polite maybe to an unnecessary extent. Basically, I’m desperate to be liked by people, maybe more so girls than guys. I have a decent amount of male friends, though a lot of guys hate me and most of them are from the two fraternities I was banned from. A lot of girls think I’m creepy but that is my fault to an extent because I shouldn’t have been overly friendly to a lot of them. I think with girls I’m better of meeting them through friends rather than introducing myself directly since I come off as awkward. A lot of girls combine awkward with creepy. I may have some asperger type issues but I hope not. Either way I need to address my social skills so that I can avoid these issues.</p>
<p>Many people “try too hard” to make friends when they are in new situations. This approach seldom works, especially with teenagers. But don’t over analyze it, you have identified part of the problem and that is half the battle. Just relax a little and know that it will eventually work out. All you really need is 2 or 3 good friends. Large social circles can get very complicated very quickly. What advice is the counselor giving you? Perhaps an objective opinion from someone who has more of the details would be helpful.</p>
<p>Definitely, I’d be happy with 2 or 3 good friends as long as I’m “chill” with other people. Anything is fine as long as I don’t have a lot of people who hate me. I’ve only been to one session so far where the counselor I told the counselor all of my problems. From the second session onward, the counselor will give advice. I’ll update on my situation.</p>
<p>As others have written, check your alcohol use. I’d recommend abstaining altogether for a few months and seeing if you see any changes in how you are perceived by others. Working on your social skills is a great idea, but if you’re intoxicated you’re not going to have the ability to monitor and fine tune your behavior.</p>
<p>What exactly did you do when you were so drunk you got banned from a fraternity? Really, is it even possible to get banned from a fraternity for being drunk? </p>
<p>I wish you the best.</p>
<p>Problems in your life that are attributable to alcohol is a sign of a problem.</p>
<p>If people talk to you about your alcohol use, it’s a sign of a problem.</p>
<p>There may be a problem.</p>
<p>I talked to the guys from both fraternities that banned me. The first fraternity said they banned me because I was apparently “creeping people out and getting too drunk.” The second fraternity that banned me, which may I add gave me a bid the last two semesters, banned me because I was trash talking their fraternity (I was a little bit but not to that extent) and creeping on girls. I talked to a guy from the first fraternity at the gym and I told him how I was sorry about that and he said he tried to vouch for me but none of his brothers would listen. I’m still permanently banned. When the second fraternity banned me, I felt stung because I’ve always treated all of the brothers nicely and there was no reason for them to do that. On top of that my best friend joined that fraternity and now we are no longer hanging out or are friends. The alcohol was definitely a problem during the first few weeks of school when all of the problems arose. However, I only drink once a month now and only to the extent that I’m buzzed. The thing that sucks is that when I talked to the guy from the first fraternity he said that I’ve definitely changed but unfortunately because of my prior actions I still have that reputation around campus. This is what worries me; I’m going to be stuck with a reputation that’s no longer representative of me.</p>
<p>I’d try to focus on WHY you are at Berkeley: to gain an education. If you are not going to withdraw for the semester, please go to your instructors and ask for help in your classes. Find out if you have missing assignments of exams/quizzes that can be retaken. Develop a plan of action for each class to bring your grades up. You do not need to go into detail with your instructors as to why your grades have slipped. There should be a support network already in place to help students. Seek out office hours, discussion groups, study groups, TA’s etc. Try to refocus your energy into salvaging your education. </p>
<p>Best wishes for your situation to resolve favorably. I know navigating the social scene can be so challenging, but it is also only a part of the bigger picture of gaining a top notch education and going on to find a career you enjoy.</p>
<p>So I just finished the semester and I’m planning to take a gap year or semester to work on myself. My social skills definitely need to be improved as well as my work ethnic. I want to be a hundred percent when I get back so that I can truly determine whether the school is the right school for me. Do you have any suggestions as to what I can do? Thanks</p>
<p>College, spend time volunteering to help others less fortunate. Maybe get a job working as an EMT, or volunteering as one. Volunteer at a soup kitchen. Tutor inner city kids. It is a clich</p>
<p>Timeout,literally stop. Focus on your mental health before everything else.Do not try to tough it out!Alcohol and depression when mixed are a tragedy waiting to happen.Take time to get help then go back to school when you and your health professionals are satisfied.</p>
<p>Yeah definitely. My alcohol use is under control now. I haven’t drank anything in a month. I just have to work my depression and forgetting about what happened at Berkeley. If I go to community college for a semester and then go to Berkeley for one more semester, assuming I do well would I be able to transfer into a similar caliber school?</p>
<p>Forward one step at a time. Get some good professional help ,start with your primary care physician.</p>