I don't think I'll fit in

<p>To summarize, I'm beginning college next week as an off-campus student. I went to my college's "First Night" and as soon as I was there, I just wanted to leave. </p>

<p>How can I overcome this to succeed in club participation and group projects and just in general not being known as some 'loser' or 'freak'? (I know that's not supposed to happen in college but this college has a reputation of being "High School Extended")</p>

<p>I know lots of people feel this way, so I guess to elaborate....
(Note: if you don't want to read this whole thing I'd still appreciate any advice for the question above)</p>

<p>I never fit in with kids at my elementary/middle school. I live in the "snotty upper-class white people" suburbs. Most people are close-minded (against other cultures, races, religions, politics, homosexuality and stuff like dyed green hair, piercings and tattoos). The jock/slutty cheerleader stereotype is rampant. I finally found my niche in high school (which was located in a city close to the suburbs). I became friends with people from different backgrounds and fit in more with the hipster, artistic stoner rebel types who grew up in an urban/crime and drug-ridden environment/household. I know you'll judge me for this but the only (sub)culture that I felt I belonged in and which accepted me was the stoner/anti-authority subculture. But that part of my life is over.</p>

<p>Unfortunately, the college is a mile from my house, and a good portion of the students are the students from elementary/middle school. So I'm starting over and I'm back to where I started. Friendless, lonely, watching everyone else have fun with each other. My university (University of Rhode Island) has a reputation as a kind of party-school. So most people who go there, at least those I met in orientation, are just excited to be free of their parents so they can get wasted every night. Greek life and frat boys seem to be top of the "popularity chain". It's supposed to be an extension of HS; most students are from the suburbs I mentioned and just want to continue their HS partying career. So most people are jocks, wannabe sluts, stoners/alcoholics. It's supposed to be one of the most homophobic colleges in the nation, and has a reputation for being racist (predominantly against African-Americans). Everyone dresses like a jock or a burnt-out methhead. I miss the green hair and tattoos of my HS, where people were "unique-ish" and definitely more open-minded and unusually mature. </p>

<p>Note I don't want to go to this college but it's the most financially sound. So back to the point, I went to First Night and my social anxiety kind of multiplied by twenty. It's just like pre-HS, I'm not going to make any friends and everyone is going to hate me. </p>

<p>Yes, I know college is for studying. But to build my resume I have to join clubs and such, and then there's group projects, and these people are all going to hate me. At best I'll just be ignored; at worst I'll be mocked, made fun of or maybe even beat up. I feel like people can just tell that I'm "different" with different ideals and morals. </p>

<p>All the other freshmen were already in groups or with a friend. I was alone. I'm a coward; I was too scared to even go up to one of the tables (different clubs had tables). I eventually left. The next four years are going to suck, aren't they?</p>

<p>So main question: How can I overcome this to succeed in club participation and group projects and just in general not being known as some 'loser' or 'freak'? (I know that's not supposed to happen in college but as I said this college has a reputation of being "High School Extended")</p>

<p>If it is the college that you’re concern about why not find a better college. Unless you seriously want to be that close to home.
I’m doing this by parts:
-You were part of the rebel subculture. Yet you choose the closest college to home. Nothing wrong with that except it kinda contradictory in a sense. At least you claim to be done with it.</p>

<p>-Wow. A single-goal, single-mind group does not embrace diversity and differentiating ideas. But a college is a college. Surely there MUST be a group of people who are open-minded and are not a part of the party scene at all. Find them.</p>

<p>-College is different than High School in a sense that people aren’t as restricted by family values and whatever. You made a mistake by “avoiding” people. You just need to walk up and talk and engage conversation.</p>

<p>-So you didn’t even try to see what certain clubs were about. Was there too many people at the tables or you simply didn’t want to talk to anyone? The point of college is to open yourself to view others ideas and opinions not shut it all down because you didn’t talk to anyone. College is what YOU make it. Note college should never be “just studying”.</p>

<p>-Clubs are simple. You see something you like. You build up your courage. And you go.
If you’re a “loser” in college, then it’s because you did not talk to anyone. </p>

<p>I have two thoughts:
1.) We are seeing a one-sided view of your college. I seriously doubt that there is only one side to your university. Even then it make it tricky to grasp your situation since you didn’t mention anything positive.
2.) I suggest that you transferred to another college if you so fear that this university will not be open to you.
3.) I suggest that you actually TALK to people and make friends. The entire student body is not set on party, being social, etc. You are proof of that.</p>

<p>OP, your college situation kind of sounds like mine. You’re not the only one stuck going to a place close to home with people you knew (but didn’t really fit in with) from high school. Mine is also big on Greek life, partying, etc. I doubt either of us will end up being super popular, but in college “popularity” doesn’t really matter as much anyway. </p>

<p>However… I think it’s totally possible to find friends at your school. Surely there are at least a few other people who are different from the crowd, it might just take a bit longer to find them. Just make sure you’re talking to people and introducing yourself to them. Like walking up to the tables at clubs, and saying hello to people you know from a dorm or a class or something. Maybe use homework or classes or some common circumstance to start a conversation, then move on to more generally getting to know the person. That’s what I’ve been doing, and I’ve at least made a few acquaintances so far.</p>

<p>There are nearly 13,000 undergrads at your college. Surely you can find 5 or 10 people you like? Looks like there are some good clubs that promote progressive ideas. Join some. Get over your fear of rejection, stop making excuses, and get out there. College is about stretching beyond your comfort zone. Give people a chance to know you and like you.</p>