<p>I know that I don't have much options without going to college, but I honestly don't feel ready for it. My parents are immigrants so they are making me go and my dad wants me to do something really hard and go to Ivy League graduate school. I have no motivation anymore and have absolutely no passion for anything, I feel completely clueless about what to study so will probably just study something random. Thinking about college stresses me out and I have to go next year because I am a senior in high school. I got a full scholarship to my state school where nobody does anything but watch football get drunk and stay with their Greek chapter. I hate football don't plan on joining a sorority and don't want to be surrounded by those people. My dad said I need to go there because of my full scholarship but I'm dreading it. I feel that I'm just going to go insane and drop out when I go to college. What should I do? I don't have money to just run away from everybody and live on my own. It also doesn't help that my dad is pressuring me to get all As so that I can get into top graduate schools, especially since I don't know what to study because I don't enjoy anything.</p>
<p>Let me get this straight - you have a full scholarship to go to college and study whatever you want, and you’re unhappy about it? You’ve already decided that you won’t like any of the people or any of the activities at this school. You’re positive that you couldn’t find something that would interest you or possibly make friends. And you know this… how? </p>
<p>If it wasn’t for the full-ride I’d say fine. College isn’t for everyone. Take some time, try some jobs, take up a trade, see if you find something you like that doesn’t require college - or figure out what you do want to study and go in a few years.</p>
<p>But if you can go pretty much for free, and you’re going to pass that up? Odds are this is a decision you will really regret in the future. College ain’t cheap, and it gives you a much better chance of financial success (defined as being able to support yourself without constant struggle, rather than being rich) than not getting a degree.</p>
<p>I suggest you adjust your perspective. You have the opportunity to meet new people, expand your mind and your horizons, get some distance from your overbearing parents, and do so affordably. Don’t throw away this opportunity.</p>
<p>And if you are positive you don’t “enjoy anything,” please see your school psychiatrist or your doctor and get checked for depression.</p>
<p>I’d also respond differently if there was an alternative that you DO want to do - say if you wanted go to trade school for carpentry, become a hair stylist, join the military or do volunteer work. But you haven’t said what you would do if you didn’t go to college. Do you have an alternative plan? Or do you just not want to do what your parents want?</p>
<p>At 18, it’s hard to know what you want to do with the rest of your life. Be assured there are 40 year olds who still don’t know. Many people end up succeeding and being happy in fields that have nothing to do with what they studied in college. Many of the jobs that will be open in 10 or 20 years don’t even exist now. But simply earning a college degree gives you training in thinking, writing, problem solving and time management that will serve you well no matter what you do.</p>
<p>Again, if you are constantly unhappy, you need to be checked for depression. Otherwise you need to think this through and find some positive options, rather than just stamping your foot and yelling “No!” at your parents.</p>
<p>“I got a full scholarship to my state school”</p>
<p>This means you have done reasonably well and you don’t have any problem studying and doing well in exams. </p>
<p>“*My parents are immigrants so they are making me go and my dad wants me to do something really hard and go to Ivy League graduate school. *”</p>
<p>You are lucky you have parents who care for you. You are sounding like you are going through a bad patch. </p>
<p>“*I have no motivation anymore and have absolutely no passion for anything … *”</p>
<p>What was your motivation before you started feeling this way? Were you dreaming of going to an Ivy league school and the thought of going to your state college is depressing you? Why not apply to your dream colleges and see if you can get in with scholarship. Who knows, your dad might change his mind once he sees that letter of admission from your dream school. (By the way, one of mine did exactly that and I didn’t have the heart to say no.) </p>
<p>Life in a state college need not necessarily be like how you characterized. I bet you’ll find highly motivated, intelligent and interesting group of students at most state colleges.</p>
<p>“*It also doesn’t help that my dad is pressuring me to get all As so that I can get into top graduate schools. *”</p>
<p>Nothing new, especially with immigrant dads.</p>
<p>Listen to this [url=<a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/16467096-post356.html]talk[/url”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/16467096-post356.html]talk[/url</a>] by Malcom Gladwell. Your father is a smart man and has your best interest in mind.</p>
<p>My sincere advice for you is to visit a homeless shelter and spend some time volunteering. It will do a world of good for you.</p>
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</p>
<p>I’d love to know what state you live in, because I’m not aware of a single state school where everyone (or even a small fraction of the students) does nothing but watch football, get drunk and go Greek. The majority of students at any college are there to get an education. I think you need to better educate yourself on your state school, and adjust your attitude.</p>
<p>That said, why do you not feel ready for college? Are you burnt out? Young for your class and needing to mature? Unsure what you want to do when you grow up? My response would vary depending on WHY you don’t feel ready. But if you have a full scholarship, I have to think that you’re academically ready. And if you don’t know yet what you want to study, college is a great place to figure it out. </p>
<p>I think what you need to do is do further research on the state school that has offered you a scholarship, and look for the positives. I’m sure there are many advantages to be gained by going there. And be appreciative that your parents care and you have the intelligence and ability to do well in school. And after all that, if you still don’t feel ready, you need to have a conversation with your parents where you lay out your reasons and your plan for a gap year.</p>
<p>I got a full scholarship to my state school where nobody does anything but watch football get drunk and stay with their Greek chapter.</p>
<p>uh…that’s not true.</p>
<p>My sons graduated from that same school. They didn’t party all the time, get drunk, or go Greek (however, they both do like football…lol) After graduation, the older one went to an elite school for his PhD, and the other went to med school.</p>
<p>Beth’s Mom…your D goes to the same school. :)</p>
<p>Relax, Penelope. It’ll be OK. You sound like you’re burned out (normal, for a senior) and anxious because you don’t know what to major in (normal, for A LOT - if not most - students.) </p>
<p>Enjoy the fact that, while most of your friends are sweating it out with college apps, you’re done AND you have a full ride. Try to enjoy your last year of high school. </p>
<p>Don’t sweat the Greek/football thing. If you haven’t already, check out the honors program/housing at your college. If you have a full ride, you may qualify. I would BET you’ll find plenty people who are serious about school in the honors program. Which doesn’t mean they won’t enjoy parties/football now and then! (That’s part of the college experience, and can be enjoyed by even those who don’t give a hoot for football. Trust me on this.)</p>
<p>In any school that’s larger than a few thousand people, you’ll find a peer group, and friends. It may not happen right away - which is OK. It can take time to find your tribe, no matter where you go to school. </p>
<p>When it’s time to sign up for classes, take the required courses and try to experiment a little. Like everyone else, sooner or later you’ll find a major. but meantime, take an art history class. Philosophy. A new language. Explore a bit. That’s part of the college experience, too. </p>
<p>And with your full ride - it’s on someone else’s dime. How cool is that?</p>
<p>
The comments make it sound like the lack of motivation/passion is not limited to college. If so, it may be a sign of a mental health issue or medical imbalance. For example, several years ago I had a growth of some kind that made my thyroid levels jump all over the map. My energy level and motivation also jumped all over the map with the changes (along with a wide variety of other things such as weight, sleep, and temperature tolerance). When my thyroid was at certain levels, I felt a lot like your comments above; and at other levels, I felt the reverse. The issue cleared on its own, and soon after I returned to close to my usual self. While my thryoid issue was quite uncommon, there are numerous other more common medical issues that can also lead to loss of motivation and passion and can be easily treated.</p>
<p>Penelope…</p>
<p>It’s ok that you don’t know what you want to major in yet or what career interests you.</p>
<p>To help find out what SUBJECTS or MAJORS that you might like, dislike…Can you put a Yes, No, or No Opinion, next to each item below. </p>
<p>History
Math
Bio
Chem
Literature (British, American, etc)
Foreign Languages
Business
Accounting
Finance
Marketing
Nursing
Music Performance
Theatre
Fine Arts
Communications
Econ
Philosophy
The Classics
Social Work
Political Science
Psychology
Sociology
Anthropology
Nutrition
Education
Speech Therapy</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>In that case, I can assure the OP that not everyone does nothing but watch football, get drunk and hang out with their Greek chapter. My D does watch football, but she doesn’t get drunk and she’s not in a sorority. And on top of that she loves the school and I can guarantee you that there are a lot of positives.</p>
<p>OP, if you can share with us WHY you don’t feel ready for college, you might get more useful advice.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Because there’s another thread going on that says that young women should not be discouraged from science/math/engineering majors, let’s add these to the list:</p>
<p>Physics
Computer Science
Engineering
Math</p>
<p>Can you join the honors college and sign up for the honors dorm?</p>
<p>It might mitigate this fear you are having.</p>
<p>Don’t worry. You will find friends. There are people like you at every state university in the country. </p>
<p>Good luck to you.</p>
<p>Many smart people end up attending state flagships because of finances, which means that there is always going to be a minority of people at such schools who are motivated academically.</p>
<p>Although I agree with other posters that a school is NOT just one stereotype, and there are ways to find a small community of like-minded students to fit in with, you probably are not relating to folks telling you to “suck it up” and “appreciate what you have”. So, just for argument’s sake…</p>
<p>Yes, senior year is full of stress for students. Especially for students expected to perform well. And you may have the classic immigrant parents who worked and sacrificed so that you could have a better life. Yes, their expectations can weigh heavy on you. That is a legitimate case for feeling the way you do.</p>
<p>So, you might be thinking “I don’t like how I feel, and if I have to do this for 4 more years, I am not going to make it. Especially at a school I am not interested in attending.”</p>
<p>Your choice is to either change the way you feel, or change your situation.</p>
<p>Here are some options:</p>
<ol>
<li><p>Confront your parents, refuse to attend scholarship school, get a minimum wage job, live at home, and feel your parents’ disappointment every single day for the rest of your life.</p></li>
<li><p>Change your attitude, have another visit to your scholarship campus, meet students/professors, visit classes, attend non-sporting arts events, and discover the non-Greek, non-sports parts of this school. Ask Admissions to connect you with Honors students or others who can give you glimpses of how they balance academics and fun.</p></li>
<li><p>Make an effort to find another school that will give you a scholarship. You will have to work to make this happen, and you will have to speak rationally with your parents. You can show respect while also calmly laying out your possible options.</p></li>
<li><p>Find some joy in your life. What is your idea of fun? What would lower your stress level in the midst of all your pressures in life? Would speaking to a guidance counselor at school or a trusted adult family member give you a safe place to vent? Could you plan something for school breaks that would let you blow off steam and re-energize your mind and body?</p></li>
<li><p>Gratitude. Take a step back and be thankful for all the people who have made it possible for you to get to this point in your life. There are students working to make it academically that don’t have enough food to eat, don’t have a place to sleep at night, don’t have a safe, loving parent(s) to care for them. If you go to sleep tonight warm and safe, with a sense of love and security and a belly full of food, be grateful.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>Best of luck to you as you make difficult decisions for your future.</p>
<p>My son goes to a large state school and, yes, he watches football. He’s even part of the very loud student section. He has made lots of friends and studies every day. He doesn’t do Greek or drink. He gets good grades (knock on wood). There are lots of different things to do at a large school. It’s what you make it. If you say it will be horrible, it will. Go in with an open mind…and yes, my son got scholarships but would have chosen the same school even if he didn’t.</p>
<p>Maybe it would be helpful to try some career research and counseling and focus on what career you would like to have, then step back to what major will get you there. Your total lack of enthusiasm for academics at this point makes me think that you may be best off choosing a field that doesn’t require education beyond college. If your not going to some Ivy-league graduate school disappoints your immigrant father, well he won’t be the first, and really he should be more than satisfied if you make the most of your college years on the scholarship you earned with your hard work, and get a good job afterwards. At some point it’s your life, not his.</p>
<p>Also, it would probably be a good idea to see a doctor to make sure you’re not suffering from more than senior burnout and the stress of making all these life-changing decisions.</p>
<p>While I don’t have any advice for OP, I feel compelled to step in as someone who actually relates. </p>
<p>As a sophomore in college, I 100% understand your feelings OP and they are 100% valid. I was never allowed to take time off between school and college (my parent didn’t go to college the traditional route and back then there wasn’t the kind of freedom like we have now. You just went to school/work and that was it. Whenever I change my mind about what I want to do, I’m reminded that I have “too much freedom”). </p>
<p>I think you should try to talk to a trusted adult. One who won’t tell you the things that parents in this thread have responded with (“suck it up”, “be grateful and deal”, “don’t go to college and see how miserable you are” etc etc. While those aren’t direct quotes, it’s undeniable that those are the messages). </p>
<p>I felt 1000000% burned out from HS and I still feel that way now. I’m trying to find something productive to do that isn’t academic like taking classes so I can actually be doing something during a planned time off. </p>
<p>Good luck. PM me if you need anything or want to talk.</p>
<p>Penelope, one thing to remember is that you haven’t been exposed to a lot of subjects yet, so you may not have found your passion. There are tons of things you get very little exposure to in high school. And the exposure you do get tends to be very basic and not always the most interesting part of a subject. Also, you have more freedom to take classes you want to in college, so that is a big bonus over high school.</p>
<p>If you don’t know what you want to major in yet, see if your guidance counselor or library has a copy of the Book of Majors (published by College Board). Go through with some post its and mark majors that sound a little bit interesting. Then when you get to college, see if you can try out classes in the two or three that interest you most. Try to take 2 classes in each during your first three semesters. One class can be a fluke either way (good or bad), but two classes should give you a better idea of whether you really like the subject.</p>
<p>Also plan to spend some time in the career office at the college talking about those majors and what kind of jobs people with those majors are getting from your college. Maybe see if there are internships you could apply for to try them out further.</p>
<p>The good news is that if you go to college and live on campus, your dad can only bug you so often. 
(Take it from me, all I have had from D2 in the past week is a text asking me to bring warmer clothes for her when I visit her campus next month). I agree with other posters that you have been given a rare gift of a free college education. Keep your own internal compass pointed toward the prize – a college degree. You won’t get a free ride offer again, so you need to give it a try. This is also a great chance to establish yourself outside your parents’ sphere of influence. Someone else is paying your bills, so you have some freedom to explore and become what you want to be.</p>
<p>I guess I would like to offer a more supportive point of view than some of the other posts, many of which surprise me.</p>
<p>It sounds to me like you have adults in your life who are directing your every move, which robs you of the kind of autonomy that can fuel authentic motivation.</p>
<p>Along with a physical checkup, I would try to see a counselor or therapist to help you sort out what it is you want to do, not what someone else wants you to do. Seeing a therapist does not mean you have done anything wrong. In fact, you sound like someone who may have done too many things right, but not on your own steam, so to speak.</p>
<p>You may have some depression as a result of this, and a therapist could help you work through it, even get meds if needed, so that you can see your own way.</p>
<p>On the surface, anxiety and uncertainty are pretty normal during this time of transition. Going to college as an undecided and exploring different majors is fine: most students change their majors anyway.</p>
<p>With immigrant parents, who may not fully understand the way US college education works, it may be harder for you. A third party, like a therapist, could help with that as well.</p>
<p>Taking a gap year or just plain year off is fine for many, but it is an issue that you might lose the scholarship. Still, the scholarship is yet another external factor telling you what to do, so that you don’t have any sense of free choice. In some situations, with families that are very directive, that need for free choice can become an urgent one.</p>
<p>You are very fortunate to have received a full ride to college. Many of us on this forum work long hours and sacrifice things besides time so that our children can go to school.</p>
<p>I think the suggestion that a previous poster made, that you work in a homeless shelter for awhile, is a good idea. Or you could do what my brother did many years ago: He spent a summer working an intense, manual labor job. He said that the experience made him very appreciative of the state university he was attending.</p>
<p>Thousands, probably millions, would love to have the opportunity given you.</p>