Idk. I'm not sure how happy I am at college. This might be long but I'm sorry I just need advice. I mean I do like it and I do have friends but I don't really feel like I have anyone close close that I truly relate with. People here are nice I just feel like we don't connect very well. Also I am a very quiet shy and awkward person. Like I never know what to say to people other than "hi how are you?" kind of thing....I am more talkative once I get to know people and I also feel like I don't connect to the people who live in my hall. The people I do connect with live in other halls so they all hangout together in their dorms. I will go over there sometimes but its hard to always have to walk over across campus to hangout with them. Everyone also loves to party and stuff on weekends and I don't really like to do those kind of things.
Ahhh....sorry I'm just rambling. I also joined a club recently that I enjoy, however I only know a few people in the club. But they are all really good friends because they are roommates and neighbors...so I always feel awkward hanging with them because half the time I don't know what they are talking about. I work 4 times a week for 3 hours btw and I also am in a club so I don't have a lot of time to do things. My roommate recently moved out because she transferred schools....she was super outgoing and was one of my best friends here at college. Usually she would make the first move to meet people and I would meet them later and now that she has left.....im having trouble talking with the people we met together. Sigh....basically here are my questions.
How can I be less awkward and shy with other people and make friends in college? I barely talk around people and I never know what to say to other people.
Where can I find my true friends? Trust me I have been looking but I have only connected with 1 or 2 people. And I feel more alone then ever nowt that my roommate is gone.
How can I join a friend group that is already set? (Those people in the club, they are really nice and try to include me, but they know each other so well and are always telling inside jokes that I feel like I'm the odd one out)
please just give me overall advice on how to make time to hangout with people, build stronger relationships, and be less awkward so I can make friends. thanks
Remember, "people are just people, they shouldn't make you nervous." People are far more similar than they let on, they have the same fears, anxieties, and worries that you do. We all have a tendency to think that our thoughts and feelings are unique to us, but they aren't. If you recognize a friendly, familiar face from class in the hall/cafeteria/lounge/etc, go over to them and say hi. No one's gonna bite you. I made my best friend by just going over to her last semester and sitting at her table at lunch when she was by herself. I didn't even know her name. In terms of never knowing what to say; there isn't some code of "conversation topics" that people are equipped with that you happen to be missing; 99.9% of my conversations with everyone are absolute nonsense. Weird dreams. Uncomfortable shoes. My left wrist is double jointed. The chicken wrap in the cafeteria is gross. So on and so forth. This is the same for a lot of people.
There's no one place to find true friends; I have one best friend (whom I sat down with at lunch one random day), and a group of close friends who I met through classes. You don't need a huge pantheon of friends - you just need a few people or even just one person (if you can manage to make more friends, that's great, but there's no minimum quota or anything.)
Friend groups aren't "established" the same way that MIT decides it only has XYZ number of spots available for the incoming class. There are no applications, no interviews, no rigid structure. Friend groups shrink and get larger. I was going to go to a restaurant with two of my girlfriends and one invited one of her classmates (that I didn't know) at the last minute, and bam, new friend. Friend group grew. Easy as that. Remember; the substance of a friendship or any relationship isn't dependent on how long you've known the person -- if that was the case, I'd still be really close with everyone I was friends with in daycare. If people like you, they like you. Doesn't matter if they've known you for 12 days or 12 years.
If you met someone you like, invite them out to lunch for the purposes of just hanging out. You could also try to organize a group study session with other people, some of whom you’d like to get to know better. Just take initiative with people you think you might like.
Preamble provided some excellent advice IMO. I think it’s pretty common to think of yourself as less perfect than others, but this is simply perception, not reality. Every single one of those people you are intimidated by, or shy towards has some imperfections… they might have super foul breath in the morning, or talk to themselves, or have a weird mole on their toes, or whatever!
It’s important to be comfortable in your own skin, and the key to being comfortable (IMO) is genuinely knowing that nobody is perfect. The sooner you realize this, the sooner you can approach people confidently and start being yourself.
First, you need to try to break out of your comfort zone a bit. I’m not talking about reinventing yourself or anything, but coming across as more approachable or confident will do wonders. Here’s a GREAT video that you should watch: Fake It Till You Make It http://www.ted.com/talks/amy_cuddy_your_body_language_shapes_who_you_are?language=en
Second, friends are made from common interests. This could be a class, a club, or equal disdain for a professor. That means you have to TALK to people that are in your class, join clubs that pique your interest.
Third, if you already know people and would consider them friends, don’t let a little trek across campus deter you. Go for a walk and hangout in their rooms. Friendships aren’t always convenient. Also, hanging out with these people more will grow you friend circle as @preamble1776 said, and you could end-up finding new friends that are closer to your room. Besides, don’t let geography get in the way right now. There’s a few months left in this academic year then you get to do the whole thing over NEXT year. Those friends that are a trek away right now could be down the hall from you next year- don’t let the relationships vanish.