Hey! When the year first started, I made a group of friends, and at first it seemed good. But they would only invite me out when they were going to go out and drink. I started realizing that I didn’t really feel like myself around them, I would be a lot more quieter with them when I was sober. Then I realized that they started inviting me out less and less to the point where i dont hang out with them at all. I feel really lonely. It really sucks to tell you the truth and i dont know what to do. I have no friends, and having a support system out here matters. I’m not sure what to do. I finish school, i come back to my dorm and i know the first should be taking myself out, because you dont need anybody to do something (it would just be nicer) but then i just get sad and in the mood and I want to stay in my bed all day, which is what i end up doing. There is a girl that I really like talking to from work, I just dont know how i could possibly start hanging out with her otside of work.
Oh and also because of that I feel like I’m a really boring person, I know I’m not. But it puts me down and I start to believe it which then does make boring, ya feel?
Hang in there @Sunflower1324 ! Freshman year is tough. There are a bunch of threads with other students who end up in your shoes - it’s not you, it really does happen to a lot of people - so poke around a bit and you’ll find good advice on how to enlarge your social circle and find your peeps.
Honestly your best thing to do now is to focus on your academics and hope next semester goes better. If your school is like mine then finals should be in about a week or two and right now you shouldn’t let your lack of a social life interfere with that. Next semester there will be new classes with new people, you could look into joining some clubs, and some fraternities/sororities have a spring semester rush if your interested in that. It also sounds like you may have depression because you say that you are sad and staying in your bed all day and telling yourself that you are boring, so if there is a counselor on campus you should probably go talk to them. Another idea is to just look at the other threads about loneliness on this site and see what they say to do. There are tons of people going through the same problem that you are so do not think that you are alone. Your gonna be fine you just gotta go out of your way to meet people next semester.
As a junior, I’m feeling some similar feelings! It’s taken a while, but I’ve finally learned that friendships fluctuate over time. My freshman semester was pretty lonely, but I made a solid friend group in the spring from my new classes and my floor. Sophomore year was great since I got really close to the girls I lived with, but that ended with them dropping me as a friend over the summer leaving me back at square one this fall - no close college friends, just acquaintences.
Close friends are great, but in the end, you just need some basic social interaction to get through the day. Focus on your academics, fitness, health, hobbies… in the mean time. I really had to push myself since I’m an introvert, and it took a couple months, but I’ve strengthened some acquaintences into friends!
My advice would be first to not worry too much about being lonely. It happens to all of us, and it’s a natural part of forming friendships. They ebb and flow. Second, it’s what everyone says but it works, but put youself out there. Even if you just make acquaintences/ familiar faces on campus, having someone to just say hi to when walking to class can really help get you through the loneliest days. Finally, ask your acquaintences to hang out, study, grab lunch, go for a run… whatever you have the interest in and courage to do! Chances are, they’ll be excited that you took interest in getting to know them.
Join some clubs and organizations. It’s a good way to meet genuine people. Also, you may want to go to the health center and talk about the depression. A few weeks of regular treatment can make a world of difference.
What you’re feeling is not uncommon, but it still sucks. There are tons of kids sitting in nearby dorm rooms right now who are feeling the same way.
What kinds of things are you interested in? I’d definitely look into joining a club or two, or even going to movie nights or whatever other social opportunities that your school provides. I know that it’s hard to force yourself to go to things like that alone, but meeting new people in a new environment like the one you’re in is going to require getting out of your comfort zone.
It is totally understandable that you feel lonely, but don’t feel alone - so many others are feeling the exact same way. I’m a firm believer in the theory that all a person really needs is one or two super close friends (though more is obviously great) to feel connected. Keep trying. It will happen.
Find your people at clubs, volunteer groups, maybe in the campus religious groups, and yes, work. As for the friend you really like at work, ask her if she wants to get a snack or a coffee after work. The party people don’t seem to fit you, so go to places where the non-party people go. And maybe organize or join a study group for a class.
Meanwhile, persevere. It is not uncommon for early friend groups to dissolve or change a lot in the first year. REad the pinned post about those who feel lonely/friendless/homesick. It applies to you too. You will be ok.
Yes, very very common for friend groups from first semester of college to dissolve as everyone starts to gravitate toward their ‘true’ interests and people. So this is NOT you and not unusual. As others said, put yourself out there and make the first move, lol, with people who you want to get to know better. Clubs and orgs and volunteering are great for this. Commit to joining at least two in January!
Hang in there – I think it’ll turn around next semester!
Hey we come from the same situation lol. Since h.s, I absolutely had little to no friends at all because I didn’t go to h.s events AT ALL. Now that I’m in the same boat as you, there is no doubt that it is hard to make friends and even to adapt to their own group of friends. It’s sad that our generation can exclude newcomers from social events. But, trust in the process. Every quarter/semester will be new classes and new faces and new opportunities to make friends. The big phrase is: put yourself out there. If you’re an introverted person, make the first move, ask to hang out, sacrifice some time (not alot) to establishing your social group. (As a matter of fact, make that your 2019 resolution)
Here’s a tip: try not to make OUTLIER friends (random friends). It is best to know one/two friends that are within the same social group; therefore, you can merge into their social group easier and the next thing you know, you have a social group and new friends because of that 1-2 friends you made.
Oh and, yes, focus on academics for now! it’s finals season. Don’t worry about making friends right now. Just enjoy Christmas and new years and say, “I’m going to make new friends and commitments this 2019 year.”