I’m a freshman and I’ve been at college for about two weeks. I know that a little bit of homesickness is normal early on. However, I find myself alone a lot of the time and very unhappy. I had a very strong network of friends back home and I miss them constantly. I was put into a dorm where it is 60% sophomores and 40% freshmen. They didn’t put the freshmen together (all of the freshmen rooms are very spread out) and everyone keeps their doors closed. I see girls in the other freshmen dorms already forming friend groups and they don’t seem interested in meeting others. I’m having a lot of trouble making friends largely because of my dorm situation. I am planning on rushing and have also joined a few clubs that I’m interested in but haven’t made any friends yet. Does anyone have any tips on how to make my college experience any better and meet other people? Right now I can’t imagine that I’ll ever have a group of friends and it’s making me really sad. I’m getting really down on myself!
Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thanks so much!
@dancer1454 Your situation is not unusual and if you look over the past two weeks or so there have been a number of threads on this topic. Try not to blame your dorm for your struggles right now since it sounds like your dorm is like the rest, mixed year levels. The important thing is to recognize and accept that you are going to feel homesick and miss your family and friends. This is normal, it won’t just suddenly be gone, but is something that you will feel more or less on any given day, and the acute pain that you are feeling now will likely subside as you adjust to college. Also, try to remember that it took time to cultivate those relationships that you had in high school, and it is going to take time to do the same thing in college. Your midset is critical here and how you think about things affects how you feel.
First and foremost. Make sure that you take care of your studies as a priority. That is why you are at college and there is a steep learning curve to adjusting to college work. You will gain some confidence by taking good care of this part of your college experience.
Secondly, take steps to try to change your loneliness. Get out of your dormroom and study in the common room, the campus coffee shop, the library, and other lounges where students congregate. Explore clubs and join one or two as these are places where you will meet others. Smile, say hello, act friendly and happy, ask if you can join people who are sitting at a meal table. Also, friends you meet may not be freshman. You can become good friends with people from other year levels.
What you are going through, leaving home and entering the adult world within the semi structured environment of college is a huge developmental task. Focus on the exciting parts, dig into the learning, learn about your surroundings, put yourself out there and the social part will fall into place. And even when it does, you will have some days when you feel teary and miss your family and friends, and that’s okay.
Those kids look like they are forming groups but they might still want to meet new people. If you are lonely, call and talk to friend or family. It’s hard in the beginning.
Don’t expect your entire residence hall to be friendly with you. There might be a ton of factors at play, not least that they may have been forced to take the only avilable space and don’t really want to be in that dorm. The best places to make friends are in clubs and small classes, but go because you are interested, not because you want to make friends. I know one of my best friends because we sat next to each other in physics and we decided to become lab partners, then started being friends after. If you don’t make “becoming friends” your top priority when you meet someone, then the relationship will be a lot more natural.
For now, focus on your school, join a club or two, and let friendships develop
Friendships grow over time and with common experiences - the more you can get out and do with, be with others, the more friendships you will cultivate. Greek life, service organizations, Bible studies, a job, volunteer at a hospital, nursing home, thrift store, charity are just a few examples. Look for activities that naturally bring people together working together. Hang in there. It will happen. You haven’t found your people yet, but you will.
From your CC name, I assume you are a dancer? There must be a dance group you could join to meet people with whom you have a common interest. If there is, but not the kind of dance you’ve done previously, it would also be a chance to try something new. Good luck!
I agree with all of these suggestions. I want to add that when choosing activities, it helps to choose some things where the people spend a lot of time together doing things that give participants a chance to get to know each other.
For example, there is a difference in joining a club that has a regular one-hour meeting in a big room listening to someone talk, and a club whose members regularly share meals together (not just pizza but real meals), go places together (road trips, coffee shops, performances, etc.), engage in activities together (a sport, dance, language discussion, board game, competition, etc.) and so on.
In the future you might also choose an elective class that is small and focused on a particular interest, such as an obscure language, that could help you meet like-minded people on campus.
Try to picture yourself as the same person who has loads of friends – you do, they’re just in other locations right now – and you are just in a transition phase of forming new connections. In other words, don’t look at yourself as all alone and everyone else as connected, as that can contribute to feelings of loneliness, and it’s an exaggeration of the realities.
In adult life we often have to go through these transitions. Think of people who get a job in a new city and move there to work, or who go abroad to study a semester – they don’t know anyone when they first arrive. It takes time to get connected, so be kind to yourself and allow yourself that time.
There’s a lot of great advice in here from @NorthernMom61 and @mommyrocks . I wanted to add one thing, however. Even though this could have been implied from the above posts, I want to explicitly say to reach out to classmates and ask for/offer help. Yes, you can randomly meet others studying in common spaces, but it’s possible they’re intent on studying and won’t go out of their way to chat. Instead, be a little more proactive before/after class and say, “hey, do you understand this material well? Would you mind helping me study later?” It can be as simple as that. Some people that I studied regularly with in Calc (I struggled a lot) turned out to be excellent friends for the rest of my 4 years.