<p>I apologise in advance for the long story but I didnt really know how to shorten it and I just needed to get it all out. So Im in my first year of college (in Ireland, irrelevant I suppose!!) and Ive just began my second semester. My problem is my social life. I am so lonely and depressed here. I have hardly made any friends here. I dont know how it happened, I sort of blame myself sometimes, maybe I didnt make enough effort at the start of the year. However when I started here and was trying to make friends, it seemed like everyone I met had come to college with a group of their friends from school (None of my friends came to the same college as me) and its very difficult to form a friendship with people who are in a group where they all know each other. I didnt feel like anyone really made much of an effort either, a lot of people seem to assume that everyone comes to college with friends from school which is silly because a lot of people dont. It doesnt help that Im a bit shy and very self-conscious either I guess. I have made one really good friend. My problem seems to be making close friends, I know several people who I can make small talk with and say hello to every time I see them but thats it!! There is a girl I know from some of my classes whom I go for lunch with sometimes and talk to the problem is she already has friends that she came with to college. Ive met them and they seem nice enough but they all know each other and I just feel like the third wheel when I hang out with them (Which isnt often). This girl is nice and I do like her but I feel like she doesnt care about me when her other friends are around but if none of them are free she would happily hang out with me. They dont even invite me out drinking with them (I was out with them one night before a good while ago but that was all). When any of the other girls are around I feel completely left out of the conversation. I just dont know what to think, do they want to be my friend or not?? Maybe I dont come off as the most exciting person but I wouldnt call myself boring. It takes me a while to come out of my shell with people, maybe if I felt more welcome I would find it easier. Normally after class on Wednesday we go for lunch but the other day she just walked off and didnt invite me. She had been texting before class and i assume she had someone better to hang out with (Meaning her other friends). I feel the only time she will ever bother texting me or mailing me on Facebook is when its something to do with college work. Like even when I text her on her birthday and at Christmas she never even bothered to text back. Sometimes I feel she just acts like a ***** and doesnt even realise it. Maybe Im not pretty enough or cool enough to hang out with them (self-conscious me coming in there!!). I feel like such **** around them but yet I have no one else. Its too late now to make other friends because there is only 11 weeks of college left and everyone has their group of people now. I feel completely stuck. The only thing that keeps me going is the great friends I have back home from school. Im so miserable and because I have only the one close friend as I mentioned earlier I hardly ever get to go on a night out here in college. I have become somewhat of loner because of the situation Im in and just feel like a loser all the time. I havent told anybody about this, I thought maybe someone could help me on this or even anybody who was in a situation like this might be able to offer me some insight. Do you think I should try harder with these girls and see how it goes? I guess I havent made enough of an effort but they should meet me halfway. Maybe if I put myself out there more they might like me better and accept me more. Who knows, maybe they think I have other friends and dont invite me out for that reason? Do you think I should invite them out on a night out and make a better effort like that? What if they think Im weird or refuse me all the time? III be completely alone. I feel its the only option at this stage because it is too late in the year to make other friends. I cant join any clubs now because sign ups were way back in September so please dont suggest that because it is not an option unfortunately. I feel so alone and cry about this all the time. I feel so helpless, please someone give me your opinion. I hate the thought of getting up in the morning and going to college because I feel like Im on my own all the time. Its so bad at this stage that I struggle to find someone to have lunch with sometimes. I dread it. Everything is just such a mess. Thank you in advance and sorry again for the long story, I just needed to give you all the details.</p>
<p>I’m not too certain people here can help you. However, you can always</p>
<p>-join a few clubs/associations. Great way to build friendships, but you’ll have to love what the association does.</p>
<p>-join a frat if one exists. </p>
<p>-join an internet site for your school to check for events. </p>
<p>-look at the bulletin board to see what is happening around campus.</p>
<p>yea you ought to look for frats/sororities, and try to open up more. as hard as it might sound you should never stop talking to someone just because they are in some group of their own (i have experienced it too). and now my best friends are those who i didn’t know 2 years ago!</p>
<p>what school do u go to
I hear depression is relatively common during many people’s first years in college
idk
try to talk to ppl or study with them or something</p>
<p>Do what Bubbles said. No one here can help you more than that!!</p>
<p>Try talking to an adult, someone who is very close to you(not necessarily your parents). Hopefully they can give you sound advice!</p>
<p>Other than that, try to get involved in college activities.</p>
<p>I’ll tell you a bit about myself…
I moved to a new city & a new school in 11th. School’s pretty big & filled with all sorts of students-students who have been the best of friends for 10yrs!!
I too am shy,self-conscious and not too cool a person to hang around with. At first, for a month or two - I found it tough!! But then I started taking part in the various activities - and voila, all my troubles went away!! :D</p>
<p>Keep going out whenever you can and try to initiate asking instead of waiting to be asked. There is a constant conversation running in your head that you do not belong. That is the conversation, you must stop. There is an expression called “Fake it, til you Make it”. Even though you do not feel comfortable in these situations, you need to overcome your feelings about it and keep on going. Feelings are shadows of your thoughts. Keep trying and telling yourself you do fit in, you are part of the gang and use your intellect to overcome those old thought patterns. It really does work, but you have to ignore those old feelings that keeping coming back and giving you false information. There are some great suggestions above. You will eventually make friends. You did it before and you can do it again. Best wishes.</p>
<p>You have gotten some good advice here–including that of marybee333. I would add that you should make an appointment with your college’s counselor. Most of them really are good listeners and can offer strategies to help you take the bold steps of initiating friendships. You can try doing what they suggest, then go back the following week and talk about what worked, and what didn’t. The process is confidential and should help you feel a lot better.</p>
<p>Join a club or an activity that you enjoy. You will become friends with the other members of the club as you all work together to do whatever it is that the club does. Wishing you all the best.</p>