<p>I haven’t finished reading this entire thread yet, but about the last page of comments… I’m a lesbian, and all of my roommates have been straight women. All of them have brought their boyfriends over, sexiled me, gotten rowdy with it while I WAS IN THE ROOM, and even used MY BED for their activities while I was away. I’m a virgin who doesn’t believe in sex before commitment and who is completely against one-night stands/hookups/random dating. I’ve never even brought a female friend into the room, straight or gay, because most of my roommates were convinced I was sleeping with every female I spoke to. One of them would even leave the door open whenever I was in the room so that people could hear her scream if I tried to “rape” her. And, to add to that, I’ve never once been even remotely attracted to one of my roommates. I can’t even stand them as friends.</p>
<p>Overall, people need to stop acting like gay people are the only ones having sex in college. Lots of people do it regardless of sexual orientation. If a roommate is going to be offended that their gay roommate is bringing their boyfriend/girlfriend over, they really need to consider what they’re doing as well. It’s insane how many students make inane rules about “my gay roommate can’t bring anyone over, but I’m free to get jiggy with it whenever I want because it’s normal when I do it.”</p>
<p>Eh, I’m not sure that it’s “stalking” to put the kid’s name into the search function on Facebook and see what pops up. Many people don’t set their profiles to private, and well, that’s their bad. That’s different from surreptitiously accessing your kid’s Facebook account if he’s linked to the roommate, and checking out things in the roommate’s profile. That latter situation is a breach of confidence and is wrong.</p>
<p>Clapping for AtomicCafe’s post and thankful she brought a gay student’s perspective into the discussion. </p>
<p>I also think that as soon as some people think of gay people, they think in terms of sexual activity, and that is not what first comes to mind when they think of straight people.</p>
<p>U didn’t seem to mind this one:
“I’d view a gay male roommie as a definite plus – in general, they tend to be neater and have better grooming habits than straight guys.”</p>
<p>or this one that u made in post 57
“Here’s the difference: The gay person is not likely to try to shove his beliefs down his roomie’s throat. The fundie is.”</p>
<p>I’m thinking that some freshmen students are packing up now from sophisticated communities where the discussion about gay and human rights is plentiful, while others come from tradition-bound environments where less is known. Fortunately, both types will encounter each other soon and learn from each other about differences in our country.</p>
<p>Of the two, I’d IMAGINE (don’t know) that a gay student from an intolerant home community is at a similar disadvantage to a straight student from an intolerant home community. Each is sheltered, in a way. The gay student hopes for acceptance and friendship. The straight student hopes for the same. </p>
<p>People are challenging the poster to declare what he’s “afraid” of, but he doesn’t have to reply to that here. I’ve racked my brains and wonder if, perhaps, he might fear or believe other students on the dorm floor might assume he’s gay because his roommate is, but that too does not happen on a dorm floor. Everyone knows the roommate-matches are random, done by the administration, especially freshman year. Each person would be seen as an individual, floor-wide.</p>
<p>A gay student won’t be branded as straight because his roommate is so oriented. Same in reverse. Just in case that’s the concern here.</p>
<p>To stretch a point, if your freshman roommate was born with close-set eyes or innate musical talent, there will be NO presumption by others that you should also have close-set eyes or innate musical talent. Two individuals. </p>
<p>Also it would be nice if the parents would get off of asking “what are you afraid of…” of the poster who politely raised what he recognized as
“controversial.” He expressed his own thought, an opinion that is then open to debate. We don’t impugn people’s motives around here (TOS). Everyone is learning and growing as they pack up for college.</p>
<p>What’s wonderful is that just as now probably few students would raise eyebrows upon learning their roommate is not of their race, it seems that few students would be concerned upon learning that their roommate doesn’t share their sexual orientation. </p>
<p>Times have changed. Wonderfully. Hurrah for the younger generation!</p>
<p>Remember the articles about how the mom of Michelle Obama’s freshman roommate at Princeton didn’t want her (white) daughter rooming with a black student? I predict that in a few decades, there will be articles about how some misguided parent didn’t want their straight kid rooming with a gay student. </p>
<p>However, I also predict that the article would say that the straight kid ignored their parent’s fears, and as a result has a close friendship with the spouse of the U.S. president. :)</p>
You will be hard-pressed to find a gay guy in the US who prefers a gay guy than the straight version of that same guy. I’m just talking about attraction, not dating. I’m gay and I know a lot of gay people. Trust me, I know what I’m talking about.</p>
<p>Buttercup the OP expressed greater ease around post #34, after she conversed with her son and learned he was not upset. The thread continued beyond that. A different poster NYChomie came in around post #44 and 45 with a new opinion that gays and straights should not room together because of attraction issues, and I thought NYChomie needed a bit of support there. </p>
<p>My post is more related to the most recent 3 pages than the initial 4 pages of this thread. I don’t in any way agree with NYChomie’s opinion but really wanted that poster;s voice to be respected as an opinion from his/her point-of-view.</p>
<p>And true the “fear” part was expressed by the OP, while the unpopular opinion came from NYChomie, so I was a bit off there in focus. </p>
<p>My general point stands, though. We all know that students come from many backgrounds so it shouldn’t be surprising when some express a sheltered viewpoint. I know folks who come from major metropolitan areas who are sheltered enough to think “everyone” gets this or that.</p>
<p>"You will be hard-pressed to find a gay guy in the US who prefers a gay guy than the straight version of that same guy. I’m just talking about attraction, not dating. "</p>
<p>Are you gay and are you basing this on your personal experience?</p>
<p>NYChomie, we cross-posted. I was defending your right to dissent when you posted around posts 44 and 45. </p>
<p>I’m not sure what you mean in post #93. It’s hard to read through generalizations. If you have found this “in your experience” please say that. Don’t create a data set that doesn’t exist. Parents are so scientific you won’t win if you do that. Just express what you know “in my personal experience” or “from my point of view.” Otherwise you leave yourself open to attack, as in, “where’s the survey that proves THAT” (post #93)</p>
<p>Northstarmom is a quick study. I cross posted with all the above, typing away on my post 97, while NYChomie edited his post #93 to indicate the basis for his POV. Thank you, NYChomie.</p>
<p>Glad to hear the OP and her son have resolved their issue.</p>
<p>FWIW, I can understand how this situation could be awkward or uncomfortable. I know both gay guys and straight girls with whom I interact with on a brotherly/friendly basis, and I don’t think rooming with them would be a problem. However, that’s because we already have that sort of relationship mutually established prior to entering a living arrangement. It isn’t the same thing to meet someone for the very first time in a close, personal living space without knowing whether they view you as a potential friend or potential partner.</p>
<p>Such an assignment would probably work out just fine in the vast majority of cases. But I don’t think it’s fair to characterize those who approach this kind of situation with reluctance as intolerant or biased.</p>
<p>Why would a gay person prefer a straight version of a gay person whom they were attracted to? Other than sexual orientation, what would be different?</p>
<p>I’ve known attractive gay guys whom I’d wished were straight. I can’t imagine, though, wanting a gay version of a straight guy whom I found appealing.</p>