<p>p3t, I agreed with all of your points. It was a great post. I just wasn’t sure you knew the OP was the mom (you referred to the OP) and that it was the mom’s discomfort in this case and not her straight son’s. I thought your post was great though.</p>
<p>Thanks, Soozie. I’m still processing how I wrongly assumed that NYChomie was straight when he first posted #93 (before editing)! While NSM just zeroed right in and asked. There’s a learning there - for me!</p>
<p>@Northstarmom</p>
<p>Regarding NYChomie saying gay guys prefer straight men.</p>
<p>I’m gay, and know quite a few gay circles around here. I have heard this statement before. One acquaintance of mine has even said that he likes the “challenge” of a guy being straight. It’s silly, honestly. This situation is often displayed on television, which may push the idea. But I’ve never known any gay person in real life to act on any feelings they have had towards a straight guy. People get over these crushes and would much rather seek out a guy who is openly gay.</p>
<p>Stereotypes are so silly sometimes.</p>
<p>My daughter who was lesbian ( but now has a serious boyfriend), had so many gay male friends in college that I was * sure* one of them would take her in hand and make her over. ( she is so cute- but she dressed like she was in high school- or middle school)- then when she was out of college- it seemed like she tried to dress like a “stereotypical lesbian”- all but the wallet chain 
Now however- she is back to her preppy/hippie self.</p>
<p>However- most of her gay friends were equally clueless about appearance- the ones that were " well-dressed" were just so attractive and charming that they would have looked good in polyester. They actually wore the same clothes as everyone else.</p>
<p>Maybe it was just a Reed thing.</p>
<p>Cause when I used to do hair- I sure had fun with some of my best ( gay) friends poring over WWD & Vogue.</p>
<p>
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<p>Yeah, obviously for dating it’s different (which mentioned before and bolded knowing somebody would make a comment). But there are so many straight guys out there who would not be as appealing if they were gay, e.g. John Mayer (if he were effeminate, nobody would pay attention). There are exceptions though, like Anderson Cooper, but he’s masculine and could pass as straight (yes, most gay guys are feminine…only the degree of subtlety varies).</p>
<p>Another way to think about what I was saying earlier is: Imagine if a gay guy were rooming with James Franco or a straight guy is rooming with Megan Fox. You can say all you want they can keep suppress their attractions to the point where they won’t be a problem, but the situation will still be awkward for BOTH parties.</p>
<p>"One acquaintance of mine has even said that he likes the “challenge” of a guy being straight. It’s silly, honestly. This situation is often displayed on television, which may push the idea. But I’ve never known any gay person in real life to act on any feelings they have had towards a straight guy. People get over these crushes and would much rather seek out a guy who is openly gay. "</p>
<p>Sounds like the fantasies that some straight men and women have about attracting an attractive gay celebrity or acquaintance. The straight people know that this is just fantasy. Most aren’t boorish enough to try this in their real life (though I do have gay women friends who have told me about straight guys who just won’t believe that an attractive woman is a lesbian and not interested in men’s advances: “You’re too beautiful to be gay,” one straight guy told a gay woman).</p>
<p>Nah, that’s different, unless you meant straight guys prefer lesbians to straight women. They don’t categorically prefer them. What turns them on I think is straight women who are into other women, but other than that beauty matters a lot more. To the contrary, if given the chance, a gay guy would rather get together with an average-looking straight guy (omg he’s straight but into me I must be, like, special) than a pretty and flamboyant drama queen (who might or might not be buff).</p>
<p>I understand your defense of gay rights and all that jazz, but let’s get real here. Gays and straights rooming together is just awkward and it’s better for both parties to get to know each other in other settings. But hey, if you can stand the awkwardness 24/7, more power to you, but I don’t know many who would PREFER to be in that awkward situation. Again, things change if the straight guy is ugly, in which case it will most likely be okay. I know that sounds superficial and harsh but gay guys are just like straight guys in being superficial about looks.</p>
<p>Here’s another tidbit: a lot of those super fashion conscious exaggeratedly flamboyant gay guys don’t do it for self-expression but to ATTRACT straight guys. That’s how powerful their desire is. They certainly aren’t going to attract other gay guys unless it’s one of those older men with power trips. I know, disgusting.</p>
<p>I think most gay men learn to try very hard to avoid getting crushes on straight guys by the time they’re out of high school. It’s a fool’s game, and leads to nothing but awkwardness, embarrassment, and heartbreak (even though it’s hard to help having such feelings when you’re in a high school where just about <em>everyone</em> is, or claims to be, straight). My son certainly had his share of crushes on straight guys when he was younger, but was smart enough never to reveal his feelings. Now, especially since there actually is a pool of gay guys around, he’s learned not to waste his time.</p>
<p>I hope anyone who has similar concerns to the OP’s tries to escape their heterocentric mindset for five seconds and keeps in mind that a gay male college freshman has infinitely more reason to be worried about – and afraid of – getting a straight roommate, than the reverse. Ending up with a homophobic roommate who would be hostile, or worse, was my son’s worst nightmare entering college. Imagine sharing a room with someone who despises people like you, and is possibly a physical danger to you. He got a single, so it was never an issue. But I’ve definitely heard about gay kids who do have problems with roommates who are homophobic (or come from homophobic families). On the other hand, I’ve never heard of a straight kid who was sexually harassed by a gay roommate. The idea that gay men are more likely to be sexual predators towards poor, unsuspecting straight men than the victims of straight men’s anger and violence may be commonly held in some sectors of society, but that doesn’t make it true. </p>
<p>And if someone’s really so worried about being the object of unwanted attention, well, it really isn’t so difficult for roommates to avoid being unclothed in front of each other!</p>
<p>PS: I don’t care if nychomie is straight or gay himself, or whether he actually believes what he posts; his posts are nothing but homophobic (and femmephobic) foolishness and scaremongering. They’re like something out of one of those pseudo-scientific paperback books from the 1950’s or early '60’s, “exposing” the lives of homosexuals.</p>
<p>You should be ashamed of yourself. I’ve been friends with so-called “flamboyant” gay men since long before you born (since you sound like you’re about 15), and every one of them was just being himself. If anything, men like that try <em>not</em> to be that way when they’re around straight guys. They think that will attract straight men? Are you insane? The only thing it’s likely to attract is ridicule, anger, and possible violence. Gay men are not stupid.</p>
<p>Your views and mine are more reconcilable than you think. Like I said, I’m okay with gays and straights rooming if they’re fine with the living situation themselves. That’s THEIR decision, not ours to make. I, as a gay guy, personally would not want to room with somebody I’m attracted to, just like a straight guy would feel the same about an attractive member of the opposite sex. Yes, I admit the idea is thrilling at first but foresight suggests it isn’t the best idea.</p>
<p>DonnaL, I agree with everything you have said!</p>
<p>Nychomie, I do not agree at all that a gay guy would rather be with a straight person whatsoever. What I guess you’re getting at is that gays would rather be with a more “masculine” guy. Frankly, there’s enough hate on “flamboyant” gays (even among the gay community) as it is. What you’re saying sounds like the dumb stereotypes that the media has been displaying.</p>
<p>“Here’s another tidbit: a lot of those super fashion conscious exaggeratedly flamboyant gay guys don’t do it for self-expression but to ATTRACT straight guys. That’s how powerful their desire is.”</p>
<p>This doesn’t make any sense! It would attract attention, but not the kind you’re suggesting. Some people are just flamboyant. They are born that way, and can’t help it.</p>
<p>LunaCow, you missed all my clarification remarks. I did not say gay guys prefer straight guys as dating partners, only that they find straight guys more appealing because they’re like a forbidden fruit. Obviously, trying to get into a relationship with a straight guy would be a dumb move, no matter what Brokeback Mountain leads one to believe.</p>
<p>No aspect of a personality is 100% innate. Part of it is due to environment. Being flamboyant is most certainly not innate. You will be hard-pressed to find gay divas in remote corners of the world, for example, who don’t have exposure to Western media. It’s true that some are flamboyant for self-expression, but coinciding with that reason are other reasons, like to attract straight guys. I doubt there’s any one single reason.</p>
<p>““Here’s another tidbit: a lot of those super fashion conscious exaggeratedly flamboyant gay guys don’t do it for self-expression but to ATTRACT straight guys. That’s how powerful their desire is.””</p>
<p>? Would dressing like that attract gay guys? I agree with Donna that gay men who dress flamboyantly would be likely to attract straight homophobic guys who want to commit violence against gays. </p>
<p>Don’t gay women who dress butch do it to attract gay women? I know gay women who find butch women very appealing, but I’m straight and I find the butch look unappealing. If I were into women as romantic partners, I’d be attracted to feminine appearing ones.</p>
<p>
That’s a function of immaturity, not homosexuality.</p>
<p>No, dressing like that would not attract gay guys in the way they want them to be attracted (i.e. they would not turn other gay guys on).</p>
<p>NSM, I don’t think you’re very familiar with the psyche of straight men well enough. They get turned on by transsexuals or effete males, believe it or not.</p>
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</p>
<p>Wait, uncontrolled attraction is immature? I disagree.</p>
<p>"NSM, I don’t think you’re very familiar with the psyche of straight men well enough. They get turned on by transsexuals or effete males, believe it or not.
nychomie is online now "</p>
<p>This sounds like a gay man’s fantasy.</p>
<p>It sounds just as unlikely as straight women getting turned on by butch lesbians.</p>
<p>If there are straight men turned on by effete or trans men, I’d suspect the “straight” men really are bi or gay.</p>
<p>The men I know who have transitioned into becoming women have always been sexually attracted to women, not men. One of my trans friends is still legally a man, and is now engaged to a very cute woman.</p>
<p>this is funny, My D thought she had read that one of her rommates was a lesbian, she didnt care, neither did I, anyway half way through the year it came up, and the girl said “I’m not gay” we just laughed. non issue. My daughter has two male friends who are gay, she loves them and they protect her. (and she is cute) they also give her great fashion advice, they are members of our family. Kids dont care these days, like I said a non issue, and a not too good prejudice carry over from our generation. I am just happy she picks"good" friends with great morals.</p>