<p>I think people are people, and one size does not fit all. sexual behavior varies across all people, gay, straight, bi. etc… It doesnt matter if a gay man is attracted to a straight one if its not reciprocated. You cant make someone gay and vice versa. There may be a difference in lifestyle, that is not compatable, but that happens with roomates all the time. College is about learning about new people, learning to be in the world. I just dont think its a big deal.</p>
<p>“Why would a gay man be attracted to a man who was very feminine. Why not just a female?”</p>
<p>Because a large part of attraction is sexual, and by definition gay men want to have sex with other men, not with women. People are attracted to other people for many reasons - because they’re tall, because they have green eyes, because they can sing well. Why can’t a man want to be with another man who happens to have other characteristics he finds attractive, such as feminine behavior?</p>
<p>“Why do we see so many homosexual couples where one “plays or looks like” the male and one “plays or looks” like the female.”</p>
<p>“Plays”: Why do we see so many heterosexual couples where one person does the majority of the cooking, or where one person deals with finances the majority of the time? People who look for a long-term relationship often look for someone who complements them, who fulfills other jobs or necessities in the relationship. The issue isn’t that all LGBT people, despite their gender identity, fit into stereotypically feminine or masculine roles. The issue is that our society assigns gender roles to specific actions and duties.
“Looks”: This is a more open question, but I think it ultimately comes down to being attracted to someone who’s at least somewhat different from you. People tend to want what they don’t have, so I don’t find it surprising that many bi/lesbian women with long hair, for example, are attracted to women with short hair. Part of it is of course personal preference, but I think the other part is both novelty to you (being different from you) and, again, complementing you.</p>
<p>Agreed, my post was getting away from op’s original post. </p>
<p>Sorry.<br>
Did not intend to hijack.</p>
<p>I think that the OP’s question has been answered sufficiently, and both he/she and his/her son seem to be okay with the situation now. So I don’t mind getting off topic now. I’m sure that many posters have similar or at least relevant questions, and also that many of them would be more comfortable posting them on an anonymous Internet forum than in real life. As long as the discussion remains tolerant and non-offensive I don’t see an issue with continuing it.</p>
<p>^teenage_cliche^<br>
There is nothing you said that made me say “Yeah, I get it.” I am not expecting anyone can.</p>
<p>I suppose my question was rhetorical.</p>
<p>I hope that what people are learning is that you can’t apply a broad brush to feelings or chemistry.</p>
<p>When I was younger, a close friend ( male) who was attracted to me, asked why I wouldn’t date him, when we got along so well- I told him that I just wasn’t attracted to Scandinavian looking guys who were close to my size ( I am 5’2"- he was 5’7"- my previous boyfriends were usually tall with mediterranean coloring)</p>
<p>:o</p>
<p>It must have been Karma, but I met my H no more than a week later. 5’6", 1/4 Italian, 3/4 Norwegian/Swedish.</p>
<p>If we are attracted to the person- then what sex they happen to be, is incidental.</p>
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You’d be surprised. I’ve been to many a frat party at Northwestern where the guys take everything off and make out with each other, I kid you not. I wasn’t so turned on (I’m not gay) but I wasn’t disgusted either. I think the main reason they did it was that the girls dared them to. A lot of Northwestern girls are feminist like that, but the girls also kiss each other :P</p>
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<p>I wouldn’t go so far as to label it that way in the context of social drinking, which is the account I gave. My son also told me a story once about something he said to a girl his freshman year in college when he got drunk – he had a total crush on her, thought she was the most gorgeous girl on campus, and naturally said something that he meant as complimentary that she took as offensive. It’s just what happens when people get drunk. They say and do all sorts of things that they shouldn’t be doing. </p>
<p>“Sexual harassment” is more often a phrase used to describe a situation such as a workplace, where the behavior is clearly inappropriate. </p>
<p>That’s not to justify drunken misbehavior… but the point is that it happens, it’s common, and there’s no point in making a federal case out of it every time someone acts a little bit obnoxious. </p>
<p>And I would hope that straight and gay roommates sharing a space would be able to relax enough around each other that they could kid around a little bit.</p>
<p>I think it goes beyond looks, my H was not the type I usually went for, but we clicked immediatly and I am still very attracted to him.</p>
<p>“I also notice many gays also romanticize the idea of forbidden love, as in “omg he’s straight, I’m gay. This is so sad and I will make sure he knows it so he will give me at least a little bit of pity and think of me when he’s with his girlfriend.” I don’t think this is a good attitude to have, but YMMV.”</p>
<p>I disagree with this a lot. There are a lot more straight people in the world than gay people. Gay people are attracted to the same gender, most of which is attracted to the opposite gender. Of course there will be gay guys or gals who fall for someone straight, because there are so many of them. Nobody can help how they feel.</p>
<p>I think this is a sweeping generalization that paints gay people as desperate for something forbidden. Most of the gay population have had a straight crush and have faced an unfavorable outcome and know not to pursue straight crushes.</p>
<p>I’d point out that there are a lot of straight women who lust after hunky gay men. It’s got nothing to do with the “forbidden” aspect… just the fact that the guy happens to be gorgeous as well as unavailable. I mean, I’ve also got a thing for George Clooney. He’s not “available” to me to me no matter what his sexual orientation. We all can be sexually attracted to people without acting on it.</p>
<p>I’m a little late to the party but from my own gay perspective I sorta like feminine guys (not necessarily cross-dressing but lithe body-types and playful personalities) and I’m an Uke (the “cute” way to say I’m the Catcher) which is funny because I like other Uke types instead of Seme (the Pitcher)… that’s not to say I don’t like Semes, I default to the Uke in every relationship, I just think the submissive slightly girly type guy is adorable. But you can probably blame Japanese Anime and pervy Doujinshi for that one (and more recently, let’s go ahead and blame Loveless too) (ahem). I do find myself attracted to certain straight men. Let’s throw Johnny Depp out there even though much like Clooney, I don’t think he counts… Russel Brand is kinda cute in the same flamboyant “Jack Sparrow in Real Life” kind of way… and he’s wayyyyyy too good at the little girly gay guy actions to not know something about what he’s doing. I think Chace Crawford’s pretty cute but I think he might be conservative and Efron of course.</p>
<p>To the OP, you don’t have to worry I promise you, as a general rule I don’t go after straight guys. I say “general” because I have some very close friends who are like family to me I like to occasionally “tease.” If for some reason they’re upset with their gfs or something I’ll teasingly ask if they “want to switch teams yet” or something like that. They’re in on the joke and it’s entirely harmless because all parties involved know it’s not going to go any further. I’m glad you and your son are so open-minded, after all the b.s I see around the internet from the hate groups it’s always refreshing to see people who are so affirming.</p>
<p>Can’t see that it matters, unless your kid is homophobic in which case you should be taking whatever steps are necessary to protect the roommate from your kid. </p>
<p>“Worst” roommate one of my kids ever had was a born again kid who spent a year trying to convert my kid and everyone else in the dorm to strict religious standards. Seriously, everything from an intervention (having a group from the campus ministry come in to the room to save my kid) to complaining to the housing office about the girl-posters and rough language in the dorm. Both sides learned a lot about each other. While they’ll never be best buddies, the guys are still cordial. </p>
<p>My point is that it’s not the label that defines the roommate relationship. The homosexual roommate may be a good roommate or a bad roommate, just like your kid (somehow we always assume that our own kids will be good rooomates LOL). They’ll work it out, or one of them will ask for a change for reasons unrelated to sexuality.</p>
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I can certainly see being legitimately offended by some girl-posters.</p>
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<p>Aren’t most of the posters on this website female?</p>
<p>Haha. Perhaps “girlie-posters” as on the wall is what is meant.</p>
<p>My answer to the question posed is “So?”</p>
<p>And no it’s not the same. Changing clothes etc in front of someone of the opposite gender is a different experience regardless of sexual orientation.</p>
<p>And do you really think he hasn’t already been on teams, in gym class, etc with gay young men?</p>
<p>Are you implying they can’t control themselves?</p>
<p>If they are compatible in terms of sleep habits and study habits and are each reasonably able to compromise about joint issues, I can’t see why it would matter.</p>
<p>And my kid would kill me if I researched his roommate on facebook.</p>
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<p>So I guess you didn’t tell him? :p</p>
<p>I agree that other things are liable to be more of a concern for roommates.
My daughter was in a co-ed dorm- with co-ed bathrooms. Not a problem.
Observing privacy is good manners no matter what sex you are.</p>
<p>Different opinions about noise level, communal property, offensive language/music/behavior, are going to be more stressful than different sexual orientation.
Good communication is important to establish in the beginning- much easier to prevent a problem than fix it.</p>
<p>Openly gay Hollywood comedy writer Bruce Vilanch lived on my dorm floor frosh year and he was the most popular guy there. No room mate issues whatsoever. And this was in the 1960’s when homosexuality was far less accepted. He spend many hours in my room in late nite bull sessions solving the world’s problems.</p>
<p>So a roomie who was a straight psychopath would be preferred? Straight cult member? Straight alcoholic? Straight hoarder? It’s the stuff that’s not listed on Facebook that would worry me!</p>