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You have a whole different interpretation of that plot than I do!</p>
<p>I miss rainbowboywonder’s perspective on this thread.</p>
<p>Reason #50853 why Facebook needs to go</p>
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<p>No one really does that any more, do they? That’s barely a step up from “girlie cave paintings”.</p>
<p>I guess they’re girlie posters (forgot the term for them, must be early-onset dementia). Yes, they still have them. Sons told me that the guys take them down for parent visits and periodically there are sweeps when students are told to remove them for tours, family weekends, campus events etc. Same issue with bongs, hemp stuff, etc. Aside from the prominance of game systems, nothing much has changed from college dorms 30+ years ago (there were gay kids then too, but somehow I recall it as being less of an issue in the early 70s).</p>
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So your son’s roommate was “worst ever” in part because he was offended by pornographic posters? Well, ok then. Got any clue how much trouble pornography is causing in this country nowadays?</p>
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<p>This is a safety issue. Just because it’s still somewhat acceptable to use that kind of language does not change the threatening nature of it. If your friend had been called almost any other slur based on race, religion, etc, then it would be obvious it was a safety issue. </p>
<p>This is serious. Your friend needs to forward this stuff to housing with a note explaining that he expects to be provided with safe, non-hostile housing. He will almost certainly have to go higher than the first person he speaks with; he should contact the head of housing and of campus safety if he is not provided with safe quarters. The squeeky wheel gets the grease. This is totally unacceptable. Best of luck to your friend.</p>
<p>Garland’s response is the one and only response that matters on this thread.</p>
<p>I think everyone’s opinion is important</p>
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<p>I disagree. Language is not inherently threatening. I am not a minority in the sense of race or sexual orientation, so take this with that in mind. But I have many friends who are and share experiences involving offensive language or statements, yet physical safety (assuming that is what you meant) was never mentioned as a concern stemming from inappropriate language.</p>
<p>Mental safety is obviously an issue.</p>
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<p>Baelor, I’m not talking to you directly by any means, but I do think that this is a statement of “white privilege” or “straight privilege” or “male privilege.” That is, language does not seem inherently threatening. I disagree. If someone is going to use that kind of language in that way (i.e., clearly not joking - no matter how un-funny the joke), then there is hatred involved. I never underestimate the power of hatred. Sure, most students are just using slurs - but as someone who is African American, female, and gay, I would never, ever underestimate inappropriate language.</p>
<p>I think it is very easy to think that language isn’t threatening when it isn’t directed at you, or when it doesn’t seem to be full of malice. I think that’s a part of the “privilege.” But unfortunately, racism, classism, sexism, orientation-ism, and so on and so forth, is alive and well in this country. For those of us to whom it applies (grammar?), language is pertinent.</p>
<p>applicannot, all those isms exist because people have the attitude of “it’s just a word” and of assuming words don’t hurt. Even if a person jokes and acts like it’s no big deal, part of them is hurt that you would say it. I know when I start to say something is “■■■■■■■■” I stop and think hey, that’s hurtful, I shouldn’t use “■■■■■■■■” to replace the word “stupid” the same as I shouldn’t use “gay” to replace it. Maybe I am hypersensitive to certain issues, given that my mom is gay, and some people would tell me I need to lighten up, but for me, there are certain things you just don’t say, jokingly or not.</p>
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<p>Agreed 100%. I remember spending two weeks (at a diversity training camp, of all things) with a good friend of mine, and I just noticed him get progressively quieter and sadder as time went by until the very last day came, and he completely blew up because he heard so many people use the word “■■■■■■,” and his only godchild was mentally-handicapped. </p>
<p>And similar to applicannot, I’m mixed-race Hispanic, female, and gay, and rarely a week goes by without me hearing something directed at one of my identities. Quite honestly, I feel threatened every time I hear it. Even during work, I once heard one of my coworkers – after reading a recent news article – go on about how “f*ggots” should be taken out back and hanged. Was it direct threat against me, someone she didn’t realize was gay? No. Was it still incredibly hurtful, threatening, and something I would report if I lived with her? Yes. Even when I hear things like “that’s so gay” said by people I’m not out to (because, inevitably, the people who know only use that phrase when I exit the room), it hurts to know that they truly believe I’m less than a person.</p>
<p>I love the campaign Wanda Sykes and Hillary Duff did calling things “that’s so…13 year old boy with a cheesy mustache” and “that’s so…girl wearing a skirt as a top” to illustrate how it can hurt for someone to say “that’s so gay.” Some of my family is Jewish and I always get upset (though I’m not Jewish myself) when people say “you’re a Jew” in the non-literal sense. Again, joking or not, words still hurt way more than physical injuries.</p>
<p>My dh was assigned a gay roommate in his first year of college. It wasn’t any problem and we are conservative people. The roommate never bothered him at all. He was friendly and not at all predatory. He had a series of boyfriends and since he liked older men, he wasn’t around very much. My husband met me in his third week of school and we have been together ever.</p>
<p>"Maybe I am hypersensitive to certain issues, given that my mom is gay, and some people would tell me I need to lighten up, but for me, there are certain things you just don’t say, jokingly or not. "</p>
<p>You aren’t hypersensitive. You are right. </p>
<p>One thing don’t like is when people throw around the term “P.C” as if one has to be super careful so as not to offend people who are super sensitive (translation “too sensitive”). One should avoid saying certain things so as not to say something that’s offensive. One should be courteous and kind and not be a boor.</p>
<p>“Baelor, I’m not talking to you directly by any means, but I do think that this is a statement of “white privilege” or “straight privilege” or “male privilege.” That is, language does not seem inherently threatening. I disagree. If someone is going to use that kind of language in that way (i.e., clearly not joking - no matter how un-funny the joke), then there is hatred involved. I never underestimate the power of hatred. Sure, most students are just using slurs - but as someone who is African American, female, and gay, I would never, ever underestimate inappropriate language.”</p>
<p>I agree.</p>
<p>I think it comes down to this. When you are living with someone you do not know and that person has not clearly stated they share your same beliefs, sexual orientation etc. than err on the side of treating them and acting in front of them as if you were in front of your grandmother, children, school teacher etc. I personally find foul language offensive. I am offended by pornography on the walls too. Others may not. If everyone, gay or straight, kept everything “G” rated and by that I also mean non-hateful as well there would likely not be much that offended one another.</p>
<p>Baelor, wouold you want to room with someone who hated you for being a smug narrow minded holier than thou jerk? If someone hates who you are at your very core living with them would be intolerable. Of course I am not saying that is who you are, but if that was your randomly assigned roomate’s perception I bet it would make for an uncomfortable year.</p>
<p>I’m the same way North2South…people tell me I’m prudish or uptight for getting offended by playboy or porn pictures on the walls. =( Some things are just inappropriate, though unfortunately many between the ages of 17-22 don’t quite agree.</p>
<p>Also, OP, I do find it a little weird that you were creeping on your son’s roommate. I’m female, and would be completely embarrassed if I found out my mother was creeping on my roommates.</p>