PROMPT: MANY SOCIETIES BELIEVE THAT THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS IS A FUNDAMENTAL HUMAN RIGHT. BUT IT IS ALSO TRUE THAT ATTAINMENT OF HAPPINESS REMAINS ELUSIVE. PERHAPS BERTRAND RUSSELL HAD IT RIGHT WHEN HE SAID," TO BE WITHOUT SOME THINGS YOU WANT IS AN INDISPENSABLE PART OF HAPPINESS"
ASSIGNMENT: What gives us more pleasure and satisfaction: pursuit of our desires or attainment of them?
We, as human beings, have a strong inclination towards the claim “we value more for what we struggle than what we don’t.” As a result of this, it is quite obvious that the “struggle” previously mentioned gives us a wider range of satisfaction than just the result. Pursuing towards these desires further helps us realize that one day or the other they would attain them. Thomas Edison’s satisfaction towards the struggle he made, the satisfaction that Florence nightingale showed in following her dream, and a personal anecdote are claims that would further elaborate my stand.
The world-renowned scientist, Thomas Edison, went through a series of extreme failures when he first tried to invent light. After thousands of failure his assistant asked him, why he still continued to struggle when he had failed so much. To this he replied " I haven’t failed. I have just gotten rid of thousands of mistakes that I could make. Thus I am now closure to success." His reply kept the assistant speechless. He didn’t know where the experiment would lead him. All he knew was that his struggle would work its way out. His pursuit towards his desire to invent the light gave him the pleasure that he would eventually attain them.
Thousands of people died during severe massacres and wars be it the world war, the Indian war or any other war in the world. These people didn’t know if they would achieve what they aimed for. They didn’t know if they would get to attain their dreams and desires. All they knew was that they would be a part of the road that lead them towards attaining that desires. Today the families of the dead take their names with pride merely because they were a part of the historical attainment of their dreams. Also, it is equally possible that the dreams we aim for may not always come out as we expected. For instance, soldiers that survived in the world war 1 who fought came back home either scared or mentally disturbed. The aim that they fulfilled wasn’t accomplished in the way they wanted because they didn’t care anymore what the results were.
I, myself, had always been counted as one of the outstanding students from the junior classes. Never had I been beaten, or scolded or done things wrong to degrade my image. Continuing that status of mine I went to college. As a result of this, I was able to get a chance to go to an international summit merely based on the hardwork and diligence that I had put in my studies. I had worked hard to make that dream into a reality. But, unfortunately, because of the expensive cost of the summit I couldn’t make it. It did matter that I didn’t a chance to go to the summit, but despite that I and my family had a pride that I was selected as a delegate for an international summit merely because of my hard work and nothing else.
It is not always true that the effort that we put towards acheiveing something will always work on our favour. However, despite this, that particular effort that we put into making it possible or atleast trying to make it possible will always act as a source of much greater pride and satisfaction. The source of achievement may either be fake or the truth but the hardwork will always speak for itself.
I would probably give this essay a 6/12.
You made your point of view very clear, but some of your examples did not support your point very well. Ideally, if you believe that we gain more satisfaction from pursuing our desires, you need examples that show people who were not as happy once they reached the goal they were pursuing, or people who don’t stop once they get what they originally wanted, and keep striving for more because they love the pursuit. Some of your examples are of people who either stopped once they achieved what they wanted (Thomas Jefferson), or whose happiness while pursuing their goal is debatable (soldiers).
You also went a little off-topic when you started writing about how sometimes we don’t achieve what we wanted to. You could have used this as support if you were trying to prove that failure doesn’t make the person upset, because they enjoyed the pursuit so much. But this doesn’t really work in the war example, and you don’t really emphasize what kind of hard work you did and how you enjoyed it in your personal example.
You also need to work on your grammar a little more. But overall, this essay is off to a good start!
We, as human beings, have a strong inclination towards the claim “We value more for what we struggle than what we don’t.” [This sounds awkward. It might sound better to say, “We value the things we struggle for more than those we don’t.” Also, you put this declaration there as if it is a quote or saying. But is it? Or just a statement that you made up?] As a result of this, it is quite obvious that the “struggle” previously mentioned gives us a wider range of satisfaction than just the result [I don’t really follow how you get to this conclusion. Just because we highly value the things we struggle for, that does not necessarily mean that we find *satisfaction* from the struggle. We might be willing to go through the pain to get to the end result; thus, your “quote” might actually *disprove* your point.]. Pursuing towards these desires further helps us realize that one day or another they would attain them. Thomas Edison’s satisfaction towards the struggle he made, the satisfaction that Florence Nightingale showed in following her dream [You end up not talking about Florence Nightingale…], and a personal anecdote are claims that would further support my stance.
The world-renowned scientist, Thomas Edison, went through a series of extreme failures when he first tried to invent the light bulb. After thousands of failures his assistant asked him, why he still continued to struggle when he had failed so much. To this he replied**, “I** haven’t failed. I have just gotten rid of thousands of mistakes that I could make. Thus I am now closer to success.” His reply left the assistant speechless [You can’t say this unless you know this actually happened]. Jefferson didn’t know where the experiment would lead him. All he knew was that his struggle would work itself out. His pursuit towards his desire to invent the light bulb gave him the pleasure that he would eventually achieve his goal.
Thousands of people died during severe massacres [People don’t usually fight in massacres; they are just killed. Think Holocaust.] and wars**,** be it the World Wars, the Indian War or any other war in the world. These people didn’t know if they would achieve what they aimed for. They didn’t know if they would get to attain their dreams and desires [This sentence is saying the same thing as the previous sentence…]. All they knew was that they would be a part of the road that lead their countries [People usually fight wars for the benefit of their nation, not for their own personal dreams…] towards attaining those desires [You should elaborate on what those “desires” are… Like freedom, land, political power, etc.]. Today**,** the families of the dead remember their names with pride**,** merely because they were a part of the historical attainment of their country’s dreams. Also, it is equally possible that the dreams we aim for may not always come out as we expected. For instance, soldiers that survived in World War I who fought came back home either scared [Do you mean “physically wounded”?] or mentally disturbed. The aim that they fulfilled wasn’t accomplished in the way they wanted because they didn’t care anymore what the results were. [This sentence is confusing. They didn’t get freedom, land, power, etc. the way they wanted (by fighting the war) because they didn’t care what the results (of the war) were? I don’t think this is true. Also, I don’t think that war is a very good example. You are arguing that people gain happiness from leaving their families and fighting wars, which is generally not the case. Most people don’t enjoy being part of a war. They might be willing to do it for the good of their country, but again, that would be the opposite of the point you’re trying to make.]
I, myself, had always been counted as one of the outstanding students from the junior classes. Never had I been beaten, or scolded or done things wrong to degrade my image. Continuing that status of mine**,** I went to college [Wait, you’re taking the SAT as a college student?]. As a result of this, I was able to get a chance to go to an international summit merely based on the hard work and diligence that I had put in my studies. I had worked hard to make that dream into a reality [By doing what?]. But, unfortunately, because of the expensive cost of the summit**,** I couldn’t make it. It did matter to me that I didn’t have a chance to go to the summit, but despite that**,** I and my family had a pride that I was selected as a delegate for an international summit merely because of my hard work and nothing else.
It is not always true that the effort that we put towards acheiveing something will always work on our favour. However, despite this, that particular effort that we put into making it possible [Making what possible?], or at least try to make it possible**,** will always act as a source of much greater pride and satisfaction. The source of achievement [What is the “source of achievement?”] may either be fake or the truth**,** but the hard work will always speak for itself.
hey, thankyou so much for the reponse. i can see the effort you had to put in order to correct this essay . and i am sorry. haha.
anyway, yes i know that my essay isn’t as good as it is supposed to be. and i am trying. and yes, I am taking my sat while being in AS-level.
my SAT is in a few days . and i am really scared with it. if only i could do good.
this has helped me alot though. thankyou so much 
i’ll make it sure that i look upon my essays carefully. thankyou again.
and now that i think of it, i do think that the other claim (ie, attainment of them would be much stronger choice)
here is a better version of it maybe? can you read through it maybe ? 
and please do tell me how it is.
What gives us more pleasure and satisfaction: the pursuit of our desires or the attainment of them?
It is in our human nature to feel inclined towards achieving more. As a result of this, going past every hurdle to achieving our goal ultimately brings a huge adrenaline rush that actually them the greatest pleasure and satisfaction. Being awarded with the award in the respective fields, the winning of the hunger games by Katniss Everdeen and achievement of victory in wars, etc are examples that can support my stance.
Most of the people supporting their respective fields always aim for the highest achievement in their particular field. As a scientist you would want a Nobel Prize in your field of Science, as a fashion model you would want a “Miss Universe Pageant”, as a actor you would want “Oscars”, etc. unless they get the award of their field their success rarely is called as “victory”. Achieving that victory not just invites pleasure and satisfaction but also the fame worldwide and happiness of being able to showcase their diligence and hardwork in the field of their interest.
The book " Hunger Games", written by Susan Collins, bases its story around a normal girl named Katniss Everdeen. She lives a normal life in the land of what is called " District 12". However, her normal life later changes itself to a life of danger and risks. She talks part in a game:" The Hunger Games", a game for survival. She hardly cares about what she goes through because her ultimate victory turns from participation to survival. After a series of almost dying, killing and battles she finally wins the hunger games and gets the biggest satisfaction from her attainment of desire: her survival.
Thousands of wars have taken palce worldwide. In all these wars, there is always one thing common that is the series of bloody killings. On one of such fights that took place in India, ie the India independence movement, hundreds of events took place including massacres, violent fights,etc. however with a series of such events their desire to achieve freedom and independence was finally established. The hardwork of the soldiers paid off with the fulfilment of the desires of the entire force, their satisfaction was thus limitless.
In this way, man works hard not to be defeated but rather with the desire of succeeding. A failure can be forgotten within days but the success achieved will pursuing their desires can never be forgotten and will be saved for life.
This is good, but still about a 7 or 8. Here are a few suggestions:
- Stick to one or two examples. You don't have enough time for three solid ones.
- Before you start writing, think, "What is the best kind of example that will support my opinion?" For this, if you are arguing that attaining your goals brings you more satisfaction, you need examples that show people who are willing to do unpleasant things for a good goal, or who get discouraged when they fail because they haven't achieved their goal.
It is in our human nature to feel inclined towards achieving more. [Careful, this could be interpreted as, "People are inclined to not be satisfied with their achievements, because they want to achieve more. That’s the opposite of what you want to say.] As a result of this, going past every hurdle to [That’s the pursuit part; you don’t want to confuse people into thinking that the hurdle part is what gives people the adrenaline rush.] achieving our goals ultimately brings a huge adrenaline rush that actually them the greatest pleasure and satisfaction. Winning awards in various fields, the winning of the Hunger Games by Katniss Everdeen and achievement of victory in wars, etc are examples that can support my stance.
Most of the people supporting their respective fields [You have to say what these respective fields are…] always aim for the highest achievement in their particular field. As a scientist you would want a Nobel Prize in your field of Science, as a fashion model you would want a “Miss Universe Pageant”, as an actor you would want “Oscars”, etc. Unless they get the award of their field**,** their success rarely is called a “victory” [Really? I’m sure there are other markers of success other than the prize. For example, you can be a successful model and not enter a beauty pageant, or you could make a ground-breaking discovery and not win the Nobel Prize for it, but still achieve lots of fame for your discovery…]. Achieving that victory invites not just pleasure and satisfaction but also the fame worldwide and happiness of being able to showcase their diligence and hard work [“Hard work” is always two words, unless you are saying that a person is hardworking.] in the field of their interest.
The book “Hunger Games”, written by Susan Collins, bases its story around a normal girl named Katniss Everdeen. She lives a normal life in a land of what is called " District 12". However, her normal life later changes itself into a life of danger and risks. She takes part in a game**,** " The Hunger Games", a game for survival. She hardly cares about what she goes through because her ultimate goal is survival. After a series of near-death experiences, killing and battles, she finally wins the Hunger Games and gets the biggest satisfaction from her attainment of desire: her survival.
Thousands of wars have taken place worldwide. In all these wars, there is always one thing common**:** the series of bloody killings. During one of these fights that took place in India, ie the India independence movement, hundreds of events took place including massacres and violent fights [Never use “etc.” in your essays…]. However, with a series of such events**,** their [Whose?] desire to achieve freedom and independence was finally satisfied. The hard work of the soldiers paid off with the fulfillment of the desires of the entire force**;** their satisfaction was thus limitless.
In this way, man works hard not to be defeated**,** but rather with the desire of succeeding. A failure can be forgotten within days**,** but the success achieved while pursuing one’s desires can never be forgotten and will be saved for life.
… thankyou. i got it… this is a huge help to me.
i m glad i could go at least a small step upwards. i’ll try more though… ofcourse.
thankyou so much for your help.
i really hope i do good in my SAT exams