Please mark SAT essay! :)

Test Preparation
1

<p>Hi, could someone score this SAT essay (1-6) :</p>

<p>Assignment: Do you think that people are capable of finding happiness or are they always looking for something new?</p>

<p>Response:</p>

<p>Happiness, in my opinion, is momentary. Although people are capable of finding happiness, it is unlikely to be long-lasting. </p>

<p>The economic theory of scarcity rings true - although needs are finite, wants are infinite. Happiness can be viewed as a goal that, once reached, makes way for new goals to be accomplished. </p>

<p>When my brother was in Year 7, the fad of the day was Sony's Playstation. As expected, when his birthday came around, my brother begged and pleaded for a Playstation, which he received shortly after he turned 11. This Playstation was my brother's most treasured possession, but shortly afterwards, a competitor emerged - the XBox 360. The XBox 360 was my brother's new obsession. hence, although he was satisfied with the Playstation, this happiness did not endure and he sought for more. </p>

<p>It is in humant nature to be greedy, whether it is greed for money, love or material wealth. Emplyees desire promotions. Local MPs desire to be presidents. The corner shop hopes to become a mall. In this manner, everyone seems to want something more than they already have. This does not mean, however, that while searching for new things we are unhappy. The search for new facilities in itself may be a source of happiness.</p>

<p>Fr example, my aunt divorced her husband after four years of wedded miscontent. Shortly after the divorce, she decided to go on a tour of several countries around the world. this journey, which started off as a resort from the pressures of daily life, became a journey towards self-actualization. the journey, with an indefinite goal, left my aunt with many happy memories.</p>

<p>Therefore, happiness cannot be described as a completely continuous state of mind. As human beings, we reach this state of mind and exit it to find something beyond, and in the pursuit of this indefinite goal, we can achieve happiness.</p>

<p>p.s: comments and criticisms please! :D</p>

2

<p>no history event or literary works used at all.</p>

3

<p>hey thanks..but could u give me a score? (i.e. what you think would be appropriate for this essay)</p>

4

<p>3.
your essay "tells", its better if you "show" the reader.</p>

5

<p>^Michael Ye: You don't need any literary examples or historical events. I wrote my SAT essay using only one really long made up personal example and I got an 11.</p>

6

<p>^ That's really rare. Can you tell us what you wrote.</p>

<p>For this essay, I give it a 4. It's obviously better if you have examples of history, current events and politics. You can "change" some personal experience into current events. For example, the first paragraph, I would write how a lot of teens want to have new gaming systems and new fashions instead of just your brother.</p>

7

<p>^ I created a fictional uncle of mine who was a struggling musician. After a while he made it big and was selling lots of records and was beginning to get recognized by the general public. However, this took a toll on him and he became distant from his family (us) and turned to alcohol, etc. Eventually though he came to his senses and realized that this "glamorous" life wasn't for him.
Obviously though I went far more in depth than that and my essay almost went over the limit. This was my only example. </p>

<p>The topic was "does fame bring happiness?" </p>

<p>I honestly don't think its as rare as you think for someone to get a good score and use only personal examples.</p>

8

<p>^ True about only needing personal examples. My essay got an 11 also with only personal examples. Same goes for the time I wrote an essay with literary examples.</p>

<p>As for the original topic: 3 or 4, also. I agree with needing to show some more things. I love the aunt examples: I would either expand on it or make it the focal example of the essay.</p>

9

<ol>
<li><p>Essay is somewhat contradictory. You state that happiness is fleeting, but at the same time sustained in perpetuity a la "the only constant is change". Can't have your cake and eat it too.</p></li>
<li><p>Nice touch on economic scarcity, but no strong elaboration between reference to economic scarcity and fleeting nature of happiness. </p></li>
<li><p>Playstation, Xbox, ... Okay. How does this suggest that happiness is fleeting? Just suggests your brother is a greedy spoiled brat. </p></li>
<li><p>"The search for new facilities in itself may be a source of happiness." Has little to do w/ the paragraph expounding on the necessity of greed. </p></li>
<li><p>Example of aunt suggests that happiness can be sustained.</p></li>
<li><p>Conclusion answers the question "What is happiness", not can happiness be achieved or is it a futile chase for novelties. </p></li>
</ol>

<p>Summary: You don't answer the question, and you tend to go off on tangents, but your diction and understanding of grammatical rules are peppered with minimal spelling and grammatical errors. I'd give the essay 2-3.</p>

10

<p>5/5 guyz ur being to harsh. Believe it or not, Collegeboard wants long essays.
You can ******** 1 3/4 pages or 2 pages with a decent structured and legible essay and end up getting a 10,11, or even 12</p>

11

<p>5, seriously guys even the collegeboard isn't that harsh...its a 5 from me</p>