I hate college and it's the first day

Student Lounge College Life
1

<p>Today sucked. My mom was diagnosed with colon cancer a month ago and it's really gotten bad since then. She's about to start chemo next week so hopefully it will eventually get better. She is all I can think about. I go to school about a half hour from my house and today she, my dad, and my aunt dropped me off. My mom goes through periods of excruciating pain because her colon is off balance and it's putting pressure on her sciatic nerve. While we were about to leave the pain came on and my mom could barely walk to the car and almost couldn't get in. She is only 55 and this is all so sudden. She was in tears and pain and told me she loved me and told me to take advantage of this opportunity. </p>

<p>It is such a ****ty way to remember being dropped off at college. I am so depressed and I feel guilty because my mom is sick at home. She and my dad DON'T want me coming home because they think I am going to miss out and they don't want the cancer ruining my life. Well, how am I supposed to sit here and study/socialize while she's sick at home? I have no motivation to go out and meet people. I even skipped out on the convocation and carnival because i'm emotionally exhausted and I feel sick. I didn't know the dining hall would be closed tonight because of the carnival, so i'm currently sitting in my room alone hungry as can be. Not to mention it is literally 95 degrees in my room and I have a horrible headache.</p>

<p>My roommate was a no show until an hour ago. He seems normal but I walked back to the room from walking around and the door of our dorm was open and he was no where to be found. I have some friends here, but they are mostly girls and they are all going out tonight at older guy's houses and i'm not invited. People are going to come back from this carnival around 8 tonight and I don't know what to do. I just want to be alone and cry but I can't do that while in college. </p>

<p>I want to commute but it will make my mom feel worse than she currently does. I feel like I'm trapped and I hate it. I wasn't even excited for college before my mom's diagnosis. I don't even know what I want to do with my life. Someone please help me feel better</p>

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<p>I am sorry for all that you are going through. I strongly suggest that you seek support from your school’s counseling center; these are huge life issues that are too hard to handle on your own. It may be that the hospital where your mom is being treated has a support group for family members. Certainly the hospital will have social workers who can speak with you and help you and your family work through what makes the most sense for all of you in the next few months as you adjust to this news. </p>

<p>In the meantime, reach out to your friends and tell them how you are feeling. Be sure to eat and stay hydrated. How about your RA? There is another resource for you. All best.</p>

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<p>I wish I was there to give you a hug. Sorry you are going through this. </p>

<p>A few things to tell you as a mom that just sent my son off to college 800 miles and 15 hours from here. </p>

<p>First, I would have been there no matter what my medical condition was. I would have made the doctors disconnect a ventilator if that was necessary! And I would have been glad that I was blessed enough to be able to be there regardless of how I felt physically. </p>

<p>Second, if your mom is telling you that she wants you to do this, and does not need you to be home, she means it. She does not want you to waste this opportunity. Our job as parents is to raise you, and to get you to this point. So believe her when she says this. If at some point she says she needs you home, then she means that too. My advice, send her text messages often and let her know what you are doing, send pictures of you having fun and doing things. Let her in on what is happening in your life. Share every good newsthing you can. She will do much better if she thinks that you are adjusting and you are having fun- so make that happen. She does not need to worry about you now. It’s OK to talk to her about the negative too, but try to really off set it with lots of good things. </p>

<p>Third, the LAST thing we would want is you to feel guilty about doing what you need to do because of us. That is not part of the plan, and not part of your development. It WOULD make your mom feel worse if you commuted. And it would make college even harder for you, especially the first year. As far as YOUR memory of being dropped off, think about the kids who’s moms are no longer with us, and did not have their mom there to drop them off at all. You had your mom, she wanted to be there, and she made sure she was there. Cherish that! </p>

<p>Fourth, making friends is hard on a new campus initially, but not impossible. And you just got there today!! Go to the rec center, or student union. Big football games going on tonight, someone is watching them somewhere. Even if you do not like football, go and meet people and pretend to. You will meet people, it happens. </p>

<p>Fifth, this is going to be really hard for you for many reasons. But also really exciting. It is ok to cry. You are dealing with a million emotions right now. The uncertianty you feel is manifesting itself as anxiety and concern for your mom. That is why you feel trapped. Everyone has those uncertian feelings, you are not the only one. You might want to find the school counseling center and see if you can set up an initial meeting with them, and they can help you find ways to get involved, but also set up a support system for you this semester. </p>

<p>Sixth, once classes start, you will meet more people, you will find other campus activities, and you will start to settle in. </p>

<p>Seventh, keep coming here. Lots of supportive people. Does your school have a forum on CC where you can reach out to parents from the school?</p>

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<p>It looks like you go to Rutgers, is that correct? They have a very active forum on CC, you will be able to get some good advice on resources and how to get involved in the school there.</p>

<p>Oh, and right now you need to go out, find vending machines at a minimum (ask the RA or the person at the front desk where something is) and get something to eat. Even if it is peanut
butter crackers. </p>

<p>You also should try to get some fresh air, and maybe Tylenol for your headache. After you eat. But you must eat something! That is probably why you have a headache!</p>

5

<p>Joopstah-- I am so sorry for the sadness you are feeling. </p>

<p>-- going to college is a big deal. it is even more complicated for you because you are dealing with your mom’s cancer and all of your feelings about that. it must feel scary.</p>

<p>-- it sounds like you had some ambivalence about going away even before your mom was diagnosed. this too is normal for many kids. change is hard.</p>

<p>-- i would try as hard as you can to not think about the future and the coming weeks, but to just think about what you will do for the next several hours. Try to stay focused on the day.</p>

<p>-- i would suggest that you reach out to the school counseling center. most people need support when a parent is diagnosed with an illness. the counselors will help you to process your feelings and to better understand how to communicate with your parents during this difficult family time. i imagine that your parents would be very proud of you for reaching out for support.</p>

<p>-- would it be possible for you to confide in your friends that are girls about your mom? talking with other people can be helpful.</p>

<p>-- also, please know that everyone is putting on a brave face. you are not alone in feeling nervous and uncomfortable. Time will make things better.</p>

<p>-- i am sure that your parents are a little overwhelmed, but are extremely proud of you. it may be hard to believe, but they may not know how to handle all of this cancer stuff themselves. i do know, though, they wouldn’t want you feeling guilty.</p>

<p>-- is there something that your mom especially likes. perhaps you can get her a card or something from the school store and send it to her.</p>

<p>-- please make sure you eat and drink. it is important to do. also, if you can, try to go for a walk or to exercise and get fresh air.</p>

<p>-- you are only a freshman, and most freshman don’t know what they want to do with their lives. Heck, many think they do and change their majors many times. </p>

<p>We are here for you and I hope that you will let us know how you are doing later. I admire your reaching out for help. Your parents are so lucky to have such a loving and caring child.</p>

<p>Take care!!!</p>

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<p>Joopstah, I am so sorry for what you are going through. I am a mom who was diagnosed with cancer just over a year ago. I didn’t want this to disrupt my daughter’s life. It means so much to me to see her happy. I delayed telling her about my diagnosis, as she was wrapping up a summer internship and had to make a big presentation. Some of my family members thought she should be told right away, but it was more important to me that she could focus on her presentation. </p>

<p>Please don’t feel guilty. Enjoy the experience and share the fun with your mother. It will make her feel better to receive texts or phone calls from you letting her know that you are doing well. </p>

<p>Hugs to you.</p>

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<p>P.S. Some of what you are feeling is just the normal beginning-of-college anxiety. It will get better. Being busy is a good distraction. Take care of yourself and don’t feel guilty about enjoying life! It’s the last thing your mom would want! :)</p>

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<p>OP, you’ve received good advice. Take care of your needs because that’s how you can help your parents. They will be able to focus on your mom’s treatment knowing your are doing well. Reach out for help as soon as you can. Have you met your RA? He is trained to help students find the support they need on campus.</p>

<p>I was also in college when my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. She did not want us to change our routines and wanted things to be as normal as possible. That’s how she coped. Surgery and treatment was successful and when we looked back it felt like a blur. If I hadn’t focused on school, I would’ve delayed graduation. </p>

<p>Just remember you are not alone. There are people IRL who are experiencing the same thing and those who are prepared to help.
Take care! And hope you’ll keep us updated.</p>

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<p>Joopstah, your story reminds me of a good friend of mine who became ill and was hospitalized while dropping her daughter off for her freshman year of college - 6 hours away. Like your mother, my friend was diagnosed with colon cancer. I know for a fact that my friend wanted her daughter to stay at school and enjoy her freshman year. It was hard for all concerned, with ups and downs, but the upshot, five years later, is my friend is currently cancer-free and her daughter is in her first year of graduate school. </p>

<p>There are many successful treatments for cancer these days. If your mother has good support at home (and I am sure she does), she doesn’t need you at home. Don’t feel guilty if you stay at college, and don’t feel guilty if you even have fun! Your mother wants this for you. It’s not betraying her if you allow yourself to stay at school and enjoy it. I know that my friend and her daughter are so very glad she stayed in school. </p>

<p>I am with those previous posters who suggest contacting the student counseling center. They will be there for you. Don’t try to do this on your own. </p>

<p>(Hugs)</p>

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<p>This guy is a ■■■■■.</p>

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<p>

Wait, what? In your last thread, you made a huge commotion about your roommate who was a girl. So now your roommate is male?</p>

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<p>This is a ■■■■■. Look at some of the other stories that he/she has made up. Once again OP you need to see a psychologist. I think you suffer from insanity.</p>

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<p>

I didn’t want to say it, in case this was actually a true story. But the roommate gender thing that I overlooked before makes me sure this is fake.</p>

<p>For those who don’t know, in a previous thread that has since been deleted this poster INSISTED that she (or he?) had a bipolar, meth-addicted, lesbian roommate who then suddenly went missing. Then he/she posted a thread about how they were “heading to Rutgers in a week” which is how they got caught in the lie.</p>

<p>No one has any reason to believe anything this person says.</p>

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<p>I posted fake things out of boredom a few times but this is actually real. thanks for nothing</p>

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<p>And now we don’t believe you. In the unlikely event this is true, you only have yourself to blame.</p>

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<p>Okay well if there is anyone out there who isn’t going to tell me i’m a ■■■■■ and can give me some advice then please post away. otherwise it’s a waste of time. thanks for the advice so far to those who gave it</p>

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<p>After looking at a past post in which you commented about your mom’s cancer diagnosis, I believe you’re not a ■■■■■. Give college a chance and allow yourself to enjoy it. There is nothing wrong with going home occasionally to see her. Other students wouldn’t think you are weird for going home even if she didn’t have the diagnosis. On the other hand, as I mentioned before, it’s okay to have fun too. Keep an open mind about participating in activities - particularly the non-alcoholic kind (and yes, they do exist at every school.) Give yourself time to make the adjustment. Your mom wants you at school. Tell her you love her and stay in school.</p>

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<p>I was diagnosed with colon cancer almost six years ago and two years ago I had a recurrence in my lungs. It’s been difficult but I’m doing well. I am currently cancer free. I have really ridden the roller coaster of treatment, chemo, surgeries and radiation. But through it all the absolute most important thing is to know that my three children (at the time of diagnosis their ages were 19, 17, and 12) were going on with their lives and were happy. The best thing you can do for your mom is to work on adjusting to college and to go on with your life. Call, email, or text her often. She’ll want to know you’re thinking of her. But she’ll really want to know that you’re happy. </p>

<p>Keep us posted.</p>