I’ve wanted to go to UC Davis for as long as I can remember. I worked very hard in high school so I could go to this school. When I went on tours, everyone made it seem like such an amazing school and I love the campus. Every alumni I asked said that they loved it so much. (I did a lot of research on UC Davis). Coming into the quarter in September I was so excited to finally be at my dream college. But now I’ve been at UC Davis for almost a whole quarter and I hate it. I haven’t made any friends and I am doing very poorly in my classes. I’ve tried really hard to make friends, I even try to sit next to people in the dining hall and talk to people in my classes but no one wants to talk to me. It doesn’t help that I live on the “quiet floor” (more like antisocial floor) and my roommate is from china (so her English isn’t that good) and doesn’t want to be my friend. At the beginning of the year I joined the cheerleading team. Thats the only time I have real conversations with anyone anymore. Cheer is fun and I love it because I’ve been doing it for 13 years but I don’t feel very connected with the girls on my team. Most of them love to party and I have no interest in partying. I’ve almost just given up trying to make friends at this point. Sometimes I go for 2 days without saying a word to a person that isn’t over the phone. Since I don’t have any friends I study a lot. It seems like all I do is study and go to practice and yet I am struggling in my classes. I am taking Bio and Chem and some GEs because I want to go to medical school and Im scared I’m going to have to re take bio. I go to office hours and I study non stop. I can’t even remember the last time I watched Netflix or anything, and yet I’m still failing. I just feel so out of place, like I don’t belong. I find myself questioning how I got here or if I should even be here anymore. But my only option is to go to the community college 5 min away from my house and if I left I feel like I would be so disappointed in myself. I just don’t know what to do. I honesty hate college.
(Sorry my thoughts are all over the place I’m just so upset and crying and I don’t know what to do.)
College can be a struggle, but at least you are reaching out, so that is good. A couple of questions: do you have supportive parents or relatives you can discuss things with, and are you doing so? Have you talked to your RA or other peer mentors? Have you visited professors’ or TA’s office hours to get help with Bio and Chem? It sounds like you are a nice, outgoing person, so hopefully reaching out won’t be too hard for you. Try to email your professors or TAs tonight and make an appointment to see them next week. They might be able to guide you to on campus social support resources, too, but primarily your RA (Dorm Staffer) should help you with that. Take a deep breath. You can do it. And you’re almost at winter break. Things will look very different once you have destressed a little.
It’s often very hard for transfers. People can rah rah about it and give all sorts of suggestions, but you can be in a club and no one talks to you, have distant roommates, or as you noted, have an anti-social Hall. It’s just tough for transfers. Find the Facebook Transfer page for Davis and try to connect through that. It’s only been one quarter. All you need to do is find one person who you connect with and who has a group of friends. Give it time. Sorry to hear.
“I’ve almost just given up trying to make friends at this point.” I think you are in the right direction. Have you ever heard “let’s the game come to you and not force it”? Many times, people’s relationship is just like a ball game that when you want to win (or win friendships), it makes very thing hard and more frustrated than it should be, and people can sense it too, and it can be a turn off for them to want to make friends with you (they would feel being forced too).
Friendship takes time to develop and also takes luck to find a person to connect with. I remember reading my own daughter’s paper(sort like a diary but submitted as school assignment) describing her miserable life for about 1 and 1/2 years trying to “earn” friends, by pretending she was as smart as those popular ones, talking funny, and even being class clown in order to make people like her. All these strategies backfired, and even the girls she grew up with and in the same neighbor started to tease her on her obvious efforts. Then, she gave it up, and just try to be a normal kid at school. It was also about that time, a popular and yet nice girl at her school happen to sit with her in a class and wanted to be her fried… then one thing led to the other, she got bunch friends introduced from that girls… It was all by chance and take time.
“It seems like all I do is study and go to practice and yet I am struggling in my classes.” “I go to office hours and I study non stop. I can’t even remember the last time I watched Netflix or anything, and yet I’m still failing.” Study all day or study hard is not equal absorbing the knowledge or good grades. Study smart is. You need to learn how to develop good study habit, efficient and effective learning without sitting in the library or study hall all day. Do you review the material ahead of the class, so you can anticipate what the professors will talk about in the class? Do you take notes to jot down important points that the professors hint that would be a must to remember? Do you do assignment, use end of chapter questions/problems/chapter review to test yourself to see if you understand the material? Do you use the previous method again before the test to anticipate what the professors will put on the test and how you are going to answer it, plus review the notes you jotted down previously before the tests. There are many strategies to make yourself a better student (yes, even the training that you got from being a diligent high school student). If you ever observe your classmates’ grades and habits, you would be surprised that most the top students actually spend the least time in study because they know how to manage time and good habits. I think you should give yourself one more try (and a change to UC Davis to redeem itself, hahaha…) to see if you can pull yourself out of your mire.
“But my only option is to go to the community college 5 min away from my house and if I left I feel like I would be so disappointed in myself.” No really. There are tons and tons of students came from the CC route and still ended up doing very well later in their life (that includes me). I also know quite a few people went to a very prestigious college (such of U of Michigan and others), did badly in their colleges, came home to study at CCs, transferred to state flagship college, and still made what their original goals of their professions. It’ s a good way to let you calm down and have a breathing room, so you can build up your courage to face the challenges that life throw at you again.
I went through a similar situation as when I was a student at Cal… I felt along and homesick, ultimately I ended dropping out. It took me years to bounce back and graduate at UCLA…
The best advice I can give is to open your circle, There are ways to make a find small communities at huge UC campuses… Even through you are transitioning to a harder work course, try to make time to join student organizations… You are not the only person going through this, you just need to find your circle of friends.
you seem to have a few things going on. You have not made friends at Davis, and even though you think you are working nonstop on schoolwork you say you are struggling/failing.
These things are too serious for people to solve them over the internet in a few paragraphs. Fortunately you have resources at hand that can help. Counseling is available free to Davis students. See https://shcs.ucdavis.edu/counseling-services I suggest you make an appointment and work with them to figure out how to best move forward.