I hate my son's essays - How can I help him improve?

College Essays
1

<p>My son has Asperger's Syndrome. He's smart and a decent writer, so I didn't worry at all about his essays. I expected a quikry, out of the box but profound work product. He's written two essays so far and I've hated them both. To call them shallow is an understatment...they contain no depth or hint of his personality.</p>

<p>Last night I figured out what it is: Aspies are very literal. His response to my plea for more depth and personality, "I answered the question." Tell us about an influential person in your life. He told about them. End of story.</p>

<p>I wrote a lot of comments in the margin last night. ("Did you use an ENTIRE red pen, Mom?") I suggested points at which he could dive deeper.</p>

<p>Does anyone have any magic words I can use to get son to understand what is needed in an essay?</p>

2

<p>My son did the same thing, and he doesn't have Asperger's! I had him sit down and read the Harry Bauld book "On writing the College Application Essay". That may clarify things. I don't know. He hasn't rewritten the essay yet.</p>

3

<p>Seems that your S's essays do reflect his personality, which is what colleges are interested in. You can not change your S's personality, so I think it's just an exercise in frustration to try to get him to write essays that would portray him as different than he is.</p>

<p>Meanwhile, most colleges don't factor essays that much into admission. GPA, class rank, and scores are far more important.</p>

<p>My advice would be to let your S write his own essays without your help. Where you can help him is by making sure that he applies to a range of schools that include safeties that he knows he will gain admission to, would enjoy, and could afford.</p>

4

<p>I am glad my mother is nothing like you.I wish he could read this, just to show how instead of his mother helping him, she is cruely critizing him.</p>

<p>Anyways, he has "Asperger's Syndrome, " and his bluntness is a result. No magic remedy will fix that. This is like asking a deaf person to learn to hear. I wish your son of luck, and I hope you start supporting him rather than trying to "fix" him.</p>

5

<p>Gosh, Northstarmom, I had to take a deep breath before responding to your post. If I had said that the grammar in my son's essay was terrible, would you have responded that he's just a terrible writer so don't get him to revise the essay and just apply to schools that accept terrible writers?</p>

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<p>I am trying to coax out the depth that is know is there. A smart high school senior can't send in an essay that, in respose to a "Describe an influential person" prompt, says the person's name and describes them...period. X does this for a living. X does that. I like X. I need him to understand the PURPOSE of the essay....I can't let him turn in a "report" on another person.</p>

<p>This is an anonymous message board. I'm not telling Son that I hate his essays. I'm trying to get him to turn in a work product that shows who he really is.</p>

7

<p>missypie,
My older son found that opening up and spilling his soul in essays was an extraordinarily hard thing to do. Once he got to the point where he was comfortable with that, the words flowed onto the paper, but he spent a LOT of time "thinking" and wrestling with writing a truly personal essay, and that's what it was all about. (I did not realize that was the issue until about halfway through the process, when he finally told me just how hard it was for him to open up.)</p>

<p>In your son's case, it may be useful for him to see some concrete examples of abstract ideas put into essays, so I would think about a book of college essays for him to read. </p>

<p>Another thing I found helpful with my younger son, who had lots of fine motor issues when he was younger, was to let him dictate to me and I would type verbatim what he said. I would ask him for spellings, punctuation, etc. so that he had to clean up and edit his work. Sentence fragments in his talking went on paper as sentence fragments -- but he was so much better at expressing his ideas through speech than in writing at the time. </p>

<p>If your S has accommodations for writing and expressive language issues at school, the GC might also be able to discuss this in his/her letter.</p>

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<p>He doesn't have any accomodations at school. He's about as good a writer as most of them are which, IMO, is not very good. (WHEN do they teach them how to write???!!! All of my kids have brought home 100s on papers that are graded according to a rubric, with nary a red mark on a paper that has sentences starding with "and" and "but", etc.) </p>

<p>Despite my vent, it's not the grammar that concerns me. I can tell him to not start sentences with "and" or "but' and he'll get that part. I think you're right on the personal, self revelation part. I guess it can be a difficult concept for lots of people - to write an essay about some topic that, under the surface, is somehow about you.</p>

9

<p>Missypie,
Yeah, my thoughts about dictating were less about the grammar/spelling and more about talking his way through what he wants to say. Younger S was very much a "just the facts, ma'am" sort of writer when he was younger, but would talk endlessly on the same topic. It was too hard to manage the fine motor stuff, so he did the minimum. However, I can see the dictation working for other situations, too.</p>

10

<p>Missypie, try to explain to your S that yes, the college admissions asked a specific question and he did answer it, but that the purpose of the college essay isn't necessarily literally answering the question but conveying something about HIM. For instance, try having him elaborate on WHY that person was influential to him and what it means to him. Does he like their morals? Their kindness? Their giving nature? Their ability to challenge him? And so on and so forth.</p>

<p>By doing this, it might be easier for him to answer the question literally, while displaying portions of his personality and what his values as a prospective student are.</p>

11

<p>"Gosh, Northstarmom, I had to take a deep breath before responding to your post. If I had said that the grammar in my son's essay was terrible, would you have responded that he's just a terrible writer so don't get him to revise the essay and just apply to schools that accept terrible writers?"</p>

<p>Yes. If your son's essay had terrible grammar, then obviously, he would not be a good fit at schools that expect students to enter with excellent grammar. </p>

<p>Most schools either do not or barely use essays for admission. This particularly is true of state schools.</p>

<p>Meanwhile, your son's essays are literal because your S is a literal person. Consequently, the essays -- which are designed to give colleges insight into his personality -- correctly reflect his personality.</p>

<p>I don't see what the problem is. If he gets rejected because of his essay, more than likely, such a college wouldn't be that supportive of having a student with Asperger's Syndrome anyway.</p>

<p>After I bent over backwards to give older S unwanted suggestions on his college essay, I decided to let younger S write whatever he wanted.</p>

<p>Older S clearly wasn't interested in my suggestion that it was a bad idea to tell Columbia, for instance, that he was interested in it because he loved New York. He also didn't take kindly to my suggestion that he shouldn't write in another essay that his reason for wanting to go to college was because that was the only way he thought he could get a job that paid decently.</p>

<p>However, those sentiments correctly reflected his personality and way of looking at the world. What I was trying to do was get him to represent himself as being very different than what he was really like.</p>

<p>So, when it was younger S's turn, I let him do everything himself. I have no idea what he wrote about. I'm sure that if I'd seen the essays, I would have seen some things grammatically to correct, and also would have had some suggestions about the writing. However, what he submitted must have reflected who he is because he's now at a college that fits him very well.</p>

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<p>My S just didn't like to write and would not revise although he has always been very articulate when speaker. I always had success with having him read his papers to me aloud. He would catch 90% of the errors, and I could periodically say "I don't understand what you mean." "Why don't you take about this?" "How about going into more detail/using an example?" That made it much more of a helpful effort with him still doing the work himself rather than "correction." </p>

<p>Do also tell him as lilygraces says that the purpose of the essay is so they can learn about the writer. The questions are just there as starters, and you want to help him show them what a great and quirky addition he'll be</p>

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<p>I hope not many kids use their first draft and Northstarmom is being uncharacteristically harsh I think. Of course - he's a boy....he's going to write what you ask...at first. I think many encourage brainstorming, and I personally think that it's okay to ask them questions...tell me that story about such and such - we have been struggling here (both very strong writers) and suddenly my son was telling me a story today and said "that's so me".... he turned and didn't have to say a word- he'd found a place to start. Maybe you can ask some questions about his essay... at my house, if I throw out an idea I have crossed a line- so I just keep asking questions when I get the chance. I believe that kids, especially if they have been "wounded" by others find it difficult to reveal their real selves to someone who they don't know. For that reason, when my son first sat down to write his activity essay it was awful (very unemotional) and I said why don't you try writing it to "insert favorite teacher or friend" and see what happens... I heard him chuckling as he rewrote it- which means it will probably be much more "him". I do believe it is a process. Good Luck!</p>

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<p>What is often forgotten or ignored in this process is that applying for college is a continuation, not a just a culmination or an embarkation. Think of it as the transitional education between the womb and the open air: it's hard to get out of there sometimes and we could all use a little help when it comes right down to it. Some parents kick their kids out of the house on their 18th birthday and some hold on to them until they turn blue, but the whole enchilada is a learning experience and the person who needs to learn the most is the one who hasn't had as much of a chance as yet. High schools teach kids next to nothing about reality and that is why so few people, big or small, inflicted or otherwise, can express themselves with written language. They've been stupified by a system that proffers hyper-academic achievment as just another form of prostitution and our culture embraces this shallowness as if it were somehow meaningful. This board is a perfect example of how thoroughly it has impacted our perception of what is normal. What is absent here is a true connection with feeling. Don't expect too much to happen overnight, though, it's a long, drawn out campaign; nevertheless, the exertion of wrestling with an essay is energy well spent because those things that come from within, for which there is no model nor any set program, are the most valuable and necessary for your son to connect. Maybe the question is the problem. You need to get HIM into the question, so where is the question mark? What is it like to see things the way you do?</p>

<p>My son has a fascination with renegades. He continually goads me by telling me how Pablo Escobar was a great man. So, one day while he was trying to come up with an essay topic he spoke around about the happiness of some impoverished people that he had met in one of his travels and I asked him to explain this to me in terms of his perception of Pablo Escobar. The first line of his essay is now: "Pablo Escobar was a great man" and I for one am very curious to see how he squeezes this one out.</p>

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<p>
[quote]
What is absent here is a true connection with feeling. Don't expect too much to happen overnight, though, it's a long, drawn out campaign; nevertheless, the exertion of wrestling with an essay is energy well spent because those things that come from within, for which there is no model nor any set program, are the most valuable and necessary for your son to connect. Maybe the question is the problem. You need to get HIM into the question, so where is the question mark? What is it like to see things the way you do?

[/quote]
</p>

<p>I totally agree with this! Missypie, I think your S, in typical Aspie fashion, has misunderstood the REAL intent of this essay question. Having an Aspie S myself, I can envision EXACTLY the essay your S might have written! The challenge of this type of essay is twice as difficult for an Aspie who has difficulty reading between the lines as to what the real intent of the question was. So, rather than critique the essay as written, why not go back and explore with him what that real intent was so that he comes to understand that it is not really what it says, that is, it is not just a request to "describe" someone but is instead (for example), trying to find out more about the student by asking about what sorts of behaviors or activities (or feelings or values) - as demonstrated in what he has observed in others - are important to him? This really is an "all about me" essay even though the literal phrasing of the question does not say so. </p>

<p>I would encourage your S to try to personalize this essay by first, rephrasing the question to something closer to what is really being asked for. And that question is something that he can decide for himself but it may require some guided discussions of different possibilities (eg, Describe something that someone you know has done which has changed your life in some way). Sure, he can briefly and factually describe the person and their relationship to him and also talk about what they did, but, more importantly, he needs to come up with a way to connect that person to himself by discussing HOW he was affected or HOW he reacted to it. Yes, the latter is a daunting challenge for those with Asperger's but this is also what they need practice in the most - different ways of communicating their thoughts - in order for that "connection" with others to more fully develop. But, with practice, they can meet that challenge (and yes, the results will still be very quirky but in a much more acceptable way). </p>

<p>If your S feels comfortable with it, essays can be a good place to disclose one's Asperger's - or at least to disclose their "different" learning style, since it can help put both their unique perspective on the world and their unique writing style into context for the admissions officer who is reading the essay. For many people, Asperger's is still not well understood and it sometimes takes that disclosure (the "aha!" light bulb) to look at the person with Asperger's in a different, more tolerant way than they would otherwise. We should not assume that without such a disclosure, an admissions officer will be able to "read between the lines" in an essay and recognize the real personality of a writer who happens to have Asperger's. </p>

<p>Being thought of as "quirky" would actually be a major accomplishment for some of these kids who often receive much more negative first impressions from others. Their style of writing, in particular, may not come across as merely a little quirky and often does not even come close to reflecting their true personality; the essay may appear very awkward, not well thought out, or not even responsive to the question, and such perceptions could very easily have a negative influence on the admission officer's decision. From reading the essay, others may feel there is something just a little "off" about the applicant, but not quite be able to put their finger on it... </p>

<p>Which is why parents of Aspie kids are so concerned about things like essays and also is why it is very unfair that some people make statements that we are unreasonably trying to '"change" our Aspie kids. It's not an issue of changing them but more about helping them figure out ways to fit in - in a world that does not as readily accept them as we all would like to pretend - by improving their ability to communicate and connect with others so that they CAN get through life without always being made to feel different or like outsiders.</p>

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<p>many kids tend to start off there essays literal, especially when focusing on the question. we have had some success with forgetting the question for the time being, now that S knows his person have him list some points that he likes and dislikes about the person. A list of adjectives that he thinks fit the person, then does he see any qualities in himself that are similar? sometimes not thinking about the question leaves more room for free thinking.</p>

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<p>their essays-couldn't edit fast enough!!</p>

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<p>Never mind -- scansmom and 4Giggles already posted what I was thinking -- I must have been reading too quickly the first time I looked at the posts.</p>

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<p>Thanks for the great answers, everyone!</p>

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<p>Hmmm...you could try showing him examples of "good" college essays. Is he using the commonapp? If so, he could write for a prompt that isn't so clear-cut, and sort of 'force' him into being more personal and exposing who he is. Heck, on commonapp he could choose to write about whatever he wants. I'm doing any topic so I can use the same essay for Commonapp and one other school.</p>